Constantly you
by Addiescrown
Summary: Addek fanfiction! Addek total reconciliation, preggo addek! Starts in the poison oak episode :) / Let me know what you think so i keep writing this! updated on 28th July 2020 - ONLY ADDEK AND ADDEK ONLY
1. Chapter 1

He threw that pillow at me, we both laughed, I swear the time freezes every time he laughs or smiles, I kinda felt as childish as I used to feel around him. Maybe it was a dumb feeling. Something practically numb that my mind decided to focus on. Or it was the habit, totally the habit. He was laughing at how stupid I could be, wasn't he?

"Don't laugh. It's not funny!" I insist, trying to hold my own laughter. I couldn't stop laughing. I closed my legs and sighed. Poison oak was my payback for all my sins.

"Sorry!" He keeps laughing, in that sweet way. I felt like he was probably sorry, deeply sorry, somewhere in his mind, there was the thought that I wasn't having my best time, but it was so sweet to see him laugh this way. "I thought that you were going to tell me something else!" He catches his breath. We haven't been having the best marriage, for sure, everything is falling apart, but I feel like this fixes something somehow.

"Like what?" I crack a spontaneous smile, gotta admit the poison oak is still pissing me off and I don't feel very comfortable, but I try to focus on this conversation. I try to focus on his smile.

"Like you were pregnant, or something..." he says, now allowing both of his hands to rest on his pockets. He chuckles a bit more. I feel a little shook.

"Ha, funny." I say. I roll my eyes dramatically. I'm obviously not pregnant, and the enthusiasm Derek showed at the news that it was poison oak, made me think... _what _If I am pregnant? How would be react? Would he hate me forever for trapping him like that? There was no way to find out anyways.

"You seem relieved." Crap, I already screwed the good mood, didn't I? He frowns at me, half caring, half goofy.

"What do you mean?" He asks. He knows what I meant, he just wants me to clarify it, come on, I know him since always. He walks a little closer to the feet of the bed.

"That you seem relieved. You're saying _'Thank God I'm not trapped in such a thing'_" I say. He stares a me for a silent minute.

Maybe it was too much, or too mean, or cruel to say that. I was probably picturing everything wrong, I was probably just... throwing everything away. _Again_.

"Addison..." he says softly. I can see he's serious. "It's not that I'm relieved, I mean, I am. I thought it was worse than poison oak. Are you saying that you feel like I'm relieved that you're not pregnant?" Derek asks. Of course I was trying to say that! What else? I nod silently, and I close my eyes for a minute.

I don't hear anything, but I feel him move around the room, I wish I could open my eyes and notice I'm all alone, so I could cry in silence. Instead of that, the sound of a chair makes me shake in amusement, I open my eyes, and I see him sitting on a chair next to the exam table. _Next to me_.

He smiles, with some sorrow, I can recall. He grabs my hand and squeezes it. "It was that, wasn't it?" He asks me. Now I get it, McDreamy.

"Yeah." I say. I can't help but say it with a sad toned low one, looking around, knowing that if I look back into his blue eyes I could fall in love all over again; and forget about the fact that he's in love with another woman.

"If you were pregnant, I would be thrilled." He says, squeezing my hand gently again, making me feel that warm sensation all over my body, that warm sensation that I feel when he does or says cheesy things that make me feel better. He shows me a smile, I see it for a second, but I look away again.

"But I'm not, so we can just... forget about this whole mess." I say, still looking away from him, denying the happiness I feel because of what he said, trying to act as cold as I can. I haven't changed, right? I gotta stick myself into my character. The adulterous bitch. Cold bitch and ruler of all that is evil.

"Addie, what's wrong?" He notices I'm tense. He knows. His other hand starts caressing my upper arm.

"Don't..." I say, I look at him for a second and then I move the hand on my arm, I take it out, I unfold my hand from his, crossing both of my arms against my chest. "Don't do that." He shows a sad expression, like he would like to keep touching my soft skin.

"Addison..." he needs an explanation, for sure. He doesn't seem to understand why my pessimism.

"I'm an adulterous bitch, Derek. That's all I am to you, to Mark, to everyone, including myself." He looks into my eyes. "I am a shame. You hate me, you do, don't deny that." And I exploded. Great. "There's no day that I regret what I did." He is standing up from his chair, but I prefer to ignore and keep talking. "...because now, you act like you could survive the rest of your life next to me, but we both know I will always be the whore who slept with your best friend." I keep venting, I am disappointed. Sleeping with Mark Sloan was the worst thing I could have ever done.

"Addison!" He finds a way to shut up my mouth. "I promised we were going to work on it. We are. Okay?" He says, posing a hand on my knee. To be honest his touch makes me feel comfortable. I keep staring at his light smile and blue eyes and I'll I get is watery eyes. He wants to work it out, it doesn't seem like an obligation anymore.

"Okay." I whisper. Looking away again, posing my right hand on my eyes, trying to hold the tears. I was in sorrow. Sadness. The man I loved was never going to love me the way he once did.

His hand is gone from my knee, for a moment I'm relieved he's probably getting out of the room. I just want to cry. Loneliness was my new best friend. But the weight on the exam table changes, I can feel the touch of his fingers around my shoulder. He's caressing it.

"Addie, come here." He says, leaning on, I take my hand out of my eyes, and I let him hold me. I feel how his strong arms wrap around my torso, how his strong hands pull me closer into the hug. I ran a hand through his hair, and I buried my head into his chest, so I could cry in there for a minute, he keeps holding me, letting me rest in there for a minute. I cry. That's all I do. I cry and I keep crying and I wish I could stop, because I know I will feel embarrassed after this.

"I'm sorry." I say, between tears. "I love you, Derek. I really do." I say. Why am I saying this?! I'm being cheesy like he has always been. Or maybe I'm just being realistic enough to let him know what my intentions are. I feel his hand caressing my back, and I exhale heavily.

This feels like home.

Derek says something on my ear, something I don't know what is it for sure, something that creeps me out a little, shocks me. "I love you." He repeats now, clearly. He says it in a way I want to believe it's true.

His hands go up my back to my neck, taking my head on his hands, he takes some tears away from my cheeks, smiling at me, a soft and kind smile.

"I'm sorry." I almost whisper. He nods.

"I know you are." That's all he says. For a moment it's just his eyes and mines, but he ends the silence; "I am too." He says. That sad expression makes me realize he's telling me the truth.

/**_lol! This is something I'm trying... idk if I will keep writing it tho_**


	2. Chapter 2

The door of the trailer opening, the sound of the keys being thrown to the small kitchen table. Derek sighs, tired. All I feel is the cold breeze entering the place, making my feet get cold. I change into a fetal position, turning away, covering myself with the blanket I had. I haven't slept. Not even a minute, or a second. My eyes are closed, but my mind keeps on functioning. Is it that bad that I keep thinking about what he said? "..._I would be thrilled" _what the hell was he trying to say?! He turns the bathroom lights on, so he can have some vision of what he's doing.

I'm on his side of the bed and I know he's gonna try to disturb me so I can move. He likes me to respect his side of the bed. I know he will. Instead he sits on the feet of the bed, careful of squeezing my feet, he actually moves them carefully to a side, making room for himself. Derek tries his best on not waking me up... I can tell that's a sweet act, maybe one of the purest acts he's done lately. He starts changing into his pajamas, taking his shirt off. Everything feels so cold and I feel so uncomfortable, almost like I'm back in New York and he got home late after some hardworking surgeries.

Doc jumps in the bed and I can't contain myself from shouting, I'm not so attached to animals... I mean, I can be. But I'm not. The beast barks at me. Derek chuckles because of my scared, half tired expression and takes Doc by his dog necklace. Protecting the princess from the dragon.

"Jesus Christ... he scared me." I say, sighing softly. I run a hand through my hair. He stares. I feel him staring while I move on bed, trying to find a more comfortable position, even if the mattress wasn't the best to sleep in.

"You weren't asleep, were you?" He asks, taking his belt and pants off. I look at him, he's smiling at me, sweetly.

"No, I was trying to, though." I say, adjusting my pajama blouse, noticing it doesn't look proper. I feel humiliated in there, somehow. I don't feel free to show my body, or even just, be stubborn and sleep on his side of the bed even if he doesn't want me to.

"What were you thinking about?" He asks, almost like he cares about me again. I decide to ignore him and close my eyes. I hear how he turns the lights off. After some minutes the weight on the bed changes, I feel his warm hand on my shoulder. "Addison, you aren't sleeping. Don't pretend." He says, still kind enough to make me think something is going on with him and his mistress, and all he wants it's some comfort from me.

I open my eyes, moving myself far away from his part of the bed, turning around, his view is my back and I like it that way. Well, I don't enjoy it. I wish I could just turn around, stick to his body and hear him breathe for hours, feel his heart beating on my ear. I want that. I would love that. But he probably doesn't.

Now, come on, what was all about that?! Is he even considering being nice to me after ruining his love story with the twelve year old?

Gotta admit I'm freezing. I hate Seattle. The weather is horrible even in spring. It is simply, awful. New York is different. Or too cold or too hot, there's not a medium temperature, except from spring afternoons, that's a warm and cozy temperature. Lost in my thoughts, I feel him move, I hear his breathing, desperate breathing.

"Addison...?" He wants to talk to me about something.

"What is it now?" I say, turning around to face him, "What did I do to upset you now? Am I breathing too loud?" I got mean. I wasn't sorry for getting mean, though.

"Relax. I wanted to know if you were sleeping, that's all." He says. I'm so naive I buy it. Almost like this is the truest lie he's ever told.

"You're acting weird." That's all I manage to say. I know he's lying. He doesn't want to know if I'm sleeping or not. He was seeking for my attention because of something else. "Stop it. Alright?" I say. I turn around again.

He's stubborn and he's gonna insist. He moves, closer to me. Closer to my body, that way that he wraps an arm around my waist. Making me shake, I'm shaking. His touch... I missed that.

"Derek, what are you... what are you doing?" I say, breathing heavily, he gets even closer, moving his toes to curl up with mine.

"I cuddle with my wife." That's his explanation. His free hand strokes my hair, and somehow I figure the best thing I could do is turning around. So I did. As soon as I turned, his eyes sparkled. I could see a little sparkle even if we were in the darkness. "What's wrong?" He asks softly.

"Nothing." I reply. I don't wanna waste this, I feel attached. And I miss him, I miss everything. The way he used to make me feel. I move closer, a hand on his hair, so I can caress it.

He caresses my back, slowly, making me go crazy, for a moment I could swear this is the best time of my life. The tension is... hard to handle. He decides to develop a kiss to my dry lips. I allow myself to kiss him back, it's soft, sweet. Something casual, something not out of a daily habit.

"What are you doing?" I ask, breathing against his lips. I missed those passionate kisses. Almost like I could believe he didn't cheat back. His hand touches my upper leg, all I can think of is getting him naked right now, but it's not the occasion. "No." I say, pulling myself aside, just a bit.

"What?" He's curious, I can tell.

"Is this some kind of _'I broke up with my mistress_' kinda moment for you? Is that why you're trying to have sex with me?" I ask. I'm obviously offended and feeling hurt meanwhile he shows himself as fresh and okay as possible.

"You're mentioning Meredith in bed? Are you being serious?" He chuckles a little, that annoys me.

"Derek! I'm not joking. I... I can't do this." I sit on the bed, not making eye contact with him.

"What are you saying?" He asks. _What I said, Derek. _He obviously heard and understood.

"You love her. You said it yourself. She's in love with you." I say. I hate myself, my tone is shaky, like my voice is weak as hell.

"Addie, I don't love Meredith. I told you that I love you." Derek says. He did told me he loved me, but he wasn't being realistic. And if he was, I was thinking about something else or I was denying it in my head.

"I was overwhelmed. I was sad and you said _I love you_. Do you expect me to believe that after... everything?" I say. I refer to the time he said he loved me in the exam room, when the whole damn poison oak happened.

"I do believe you. I did believe you all those times you said you were sorry and you said you loved me, why can't you believe me?" Derek says, he tries to make eye contact, hard enough. His voice shows some regret and sadness.

"I'm not sure if..."

"I ended her? Ended what I had with Grey?" Derek cuts me off, I'm kinda happy he did, because I didn't want to mention _her_. I'm such a coward of my sins.

"Yeah." I nod. His warm hand falls on my knee. I look into his eyes, looking for a response.

"I don't talk to her, Addison." He admits. He's not lying. God, he's not lying.

"Why are you doing this then? You come here and you act all sad puppy and then you try to... have sex."

"I was _all sad puppy _because I didn't know if you meant it. I did believe you. But I didn't know if you were being serious all those times you said you loved me. I mean, it was hard for me to admit I love you still even after what you did. How was I sure that you loved me?"

"I love you, Derek. You can't blame me." I say, still using my grumpy tone, he tries his best on getting me softer by massaging my knee.

"I'm not blaming you!" He says. "How could I?"

"Wait, so you're saying it's your mistake that I... never mind." I say, ignoring my mind for a minute, I need to shut up and go to sleep.

"Addison." He calls my name again, but it's too late because I found the perfect position. I kiss him. That's all I do. I regret it, immediately. But, am I stopping?


	3. Chapter 3

"Someone seems happy." I say. Miranda nods, I smile at baby Tucker, who's being sweet and calm on Bailey's arms. I feel like a badass for delivering him. I am always a badass...

"He is." Bailey nods, stroking her baby boy's cheek. I stare. Babies are cute! "Webber said he gave you the night off. I thought you were going to be on call."

"Miranda, you shouldn't be here. You're in the beginning of your maternity leave. You should be home nursing your child and enjoying a good tv show or surgical book." I say. Bailey chuckles a bit, I barely see her so happy this much time. I guess babies can make miracles. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Your husband is checking mine." Miranda explains. Of course he is. I take my glasses off and I smile for a moment.

"Now _you_ seem happy" Bailey says. I chuckle and look down. The images of Derek and I last night... the way that we always ended lying in bed, together, holding each other after making love. It might sound cheesy, but it was _love_. I loved that part when I could finally gasp for air and lay my head on his chest after such a sweaty episode. I wish I could live that moment again. It's cool to just imagine it all inside your head. "Addison?" God, I didn't realize how rude I was being by standing there daydreaming like a fool.

"Yeah, sorry. Um, I... I've had a good day." I grin a bit, to give an effect to the sentence, of course. Correction, I had the greatest night in months and the day has been amazing because I've been thinking about _us. _I try to cover my smirk, that smirk that says '_I have been getting laid and I'm proud to announce it'. _I'm looking away, brushing my hair with my fingers, clearing my throat. Mirand frowns at me.

"Something is odd about you. I think it's good." Bailey says, she shows her typical serious but content face. I chuckle a bit, maybe trying to be friendly, maybe trying to act calm.

Tucker comes out of the exam room. I wonder what the hell I'm doing in the neurological area. Oh yeah, I was looking for Derek... Derek gets out of the exam room among Tucker. I smile at him, he smiles back. Is it bad that I feel like we have been fixing this? Am I mistaken when I think that maybe just... maybe we are getting better?

"Hey!" He says. I'm lost! I didn't realize Miranda, Tucker and little Tuck were gone by now. He was staring at me, he tilts his head a little. I love when he does that.

"Hey!" I say, smiling at him. He leans on to kiss me, which I allow, for sure. I give him a weird look, Derek never kissed me on the lips, I mean, not in public since I've been living in Seattle. Not in front of gossiping nurses, or other attending. "I wanted to come by to see how you were doing." I say. He notices me now, I can't waste that. Maybe I'm using a very sweet tone, because I see him smile widely, almost like he wanted me to go check on him.

"Thank you, um... how are you?" My heart is beating faster and faster! I feel like I'm in high school and my crush decided to talk to me finally. It's the same exact feeling. My heart gets warm.

"I'm good. How are you? You seem a little tense." Derek diagnoses. I look down and I sigh, god he's cute. I look up to him wearing a soft smile. He keeps on smiling at me, he tilts his head a little, again. Is he hitting on me? "I thought we could have dinner tonight, or something." Why would he want that? I'm the adulterous bitch, remember?

"Dinner?"

"Yeah, maybe trying some restaurants? We haven't been out since you've been here." He says.

"That sounds good. But I don't know, I'll tell you if I have time." I say. Yes, I know I'm stubborn and I'm pushing him away. Maybe it's something my conscience does, afraid of being left alone again. Gotta admit I have my trust issues and I feel stupid by not facing my fears.

His smile fades a little bit. "I checked the board, you don't have any surgeries after six pm. You could make it to dinner." He says. He knows me. A part of me doesn't want that dinner to happen, a part of me wants payback to happen. Come on, I had to survive months of being ignored by him when I was giving him all my attention. Not fair.

I nod, brushing a bit of hair out of my hair, as usual. "I do know that, but I have paperwork and lots of things to work on. I have patients." I say.

"Come on, I miss you." He says. He does? He really does? For real? Wait, no, he's just being McDreamy over me.

"I'll text you, okay?" I ask.

"Or I could cook something at home and enjoy a cold evening with your company." He says, very kind.

"That sounds good. Yeah, let's do that." I say.

He frowns at me immediately. Well, I'm not exactly a woman that would prefer to stay in the woods instead of going to a fancy restaurant where I could have some premium liquor and get to wear a very fancy outfit. I am an elegant woman raised in Connecticut, Derek knew that.

But tonight I felt like doing something Derek would like to do, a marriage is about two people, not just one. I like to think that's what made our marriage crumble once, focusing more on what one of us wanted than what we both wanted. Derek was into his work and I wanted him to be home, built a family and be there, but after all I decided to support his obsession for working. That made me unhappy and cheat on him.

"Okay, I can wait for you to finish your paperwork. We can leave by seven, is that a good plan for you, Mrs Shepherd?" He teases me. I just giggle and look down. _Mrs Shepherd_...

"It is. Thank you, Doctor Shepherd." I reply, getting closer to him so I can develop a kiss to his cheek. He gives me a cheeky smile. I wink an eye to him and I walk away on my heels, I know he sees me walk to the elevator.

It's six fifty seven, and he's waiting somewhere. I know he is. I keep on reading the paperwork, I'm pretty sure I missed something and I gotta find it before I forget it. A knock on the door surprises me, I have that small feeling of a heart attack that perdured a couple seconds. I look up and I see him standing in the doorway. He waves at me with his right hand.

He enters my tiny office. "Are you ready to go home?" He asks. I adjust my glasses, they were falling off.

I nod. "Just a couple more things, almost nothing. I'll be ready in ten minutes, I believe." I don't lie to him.

"What are you doing?" He asks, he obviously sees me concentrated.

"Just some paperwork... I think I missed something." I say.

He walks over, to me, he poses both of his hands to my shoulders. "Let me help you." He says, sweetly.

_So, what do you think of this chapter? Is old sweet Derek back? Do you want him back ASAP or would you like more time for them to heal their wounds and work on this marriage for real? I like my second option... thanks for the reviews btw!!_


	4. Chapter 4

"I've been looking for you, everywhere. Literally everywhere." I say, stepping into his office. He has ice against his hand. I'm worried about his hand, but it's not the matter right now. He punched Mark and that was the biggest gossip.

He looks away, sighing. He then meets my eyes, but I don't see any kindness within them. He's fully angry. "You called him, didn't you?"

I roll my eyes and cross my arms across my chest, standing in front of him and his pissed expression I just manage to be truly frank and spontaneous; "What makes you think that? I haven't talked to him in months." I say, pissed. To be honest, I hate that he assumes whatever he thinks _might_ have happened.

He breathes, "I don't believe you. I shouldn't anyway..."

"Oh, don't use the 'you cheated on me' card right now, Derek. I didn't call him. He came here. I didn't do anything." I snap at him. Come on, could he stop using that excuse to whatever bad could happen or to each fight we've had. He had to drop it.

"But you did do something, you screwed him." He says.

"Not anymore! I haven't been in bed with anyone else than you in the past months."

"I don't have a reason to believe you." He keeps on holding the ice to his hand. I look down to his hand.

"Are you alright though?" I ask. I'm being caring and considerate. I approach my hand to touch it... but...

He moves his hand away, fast. "It's fine." He lies to me.

"Derek, can you please believe me? I didn't call him. I wouldn't." I explain myself. My voice sounds so weak. Why do I sound weak? Maybe that chat Mark gave me in the elevator left me shaking.

"I'll think about it." His time is lighter.

"Thank you." I say, thankful at least he thinks about it, or considers it. "Are you sure it's fine? It looks a little swollen."

He shakes his head a bit. "It's alright. The ice will help." Derek nods. I nod, sighing.

There's a small silence, but I decide to break it. I wanted to stay in there and keep on talking to my husband, but it was already late for my surgery. "Wish I cousin stay... but I have a surgery."

"Go, I'll be fine." Derek assures me.

"Okay. Page me if you need me, or anything." I say, walking away. I'm gonna leave him there, but before stepping a foot out of his office I turn around. "Are we okay?" I ask. Too shy.

"Why wouldn't we?" He asks, grinning a little. ~ well I don't know Derek, maybe because your ex best friend came all the way from New York to annoy us both and you think he's just annoying you when he's also making me feel incredibly annoyed.~ He works on grinning... Almost like he doesn't want to hurt me and he decides to hurt himself by lying to not only me but to himself.

* * *

He goes home, why would he wait for me? I have my car here anyways. It's been a long day, Mark Sloan around. Not only around me but Derek. And Meredith...

I don't know what to feel. Should I keep on feeling betrayed because Derek punched Mark exactly when he was talking to Meredith, or did he punch Mark because he slept with me? I'm confused, hoping the punch wasn't because of the twelve year old kid. It was enough to see her around with my husband, but knowing he was caring more about her than me... that could break me.

I leave the hospital and I swear I could feel my nose freeze a little. It's so cold and rainy out here. I drive my car to the ferryboats, I stay inside of my car, not in the mood to go out there and remind myself how much Derek loves the ferryboats view, specially overnight, when there's a lot of tiny lights.

I was... not depressed, maybe disappointed I pushed Derek into this direction. I should have kept my legs closed.

The ferryboats lands, and I drive. A silent drive, my thoughts all over my head. Suddenly I remember that time...

_"Stop saying that!" I laughed._

_"What? That you're an amazing wife? Am I making you feel too loved? 'Cause I'll not apologize because of that."_

He used to tease me all the time, in a kind and romantic way. Every night. I remember that night we were celebrating my first solo surgery and we were incredibly happy and proud. I liked to pretend I was the spotlight of the whole event, but actually... for me, his company was the spotlight of the night. I miss that... knowing there's someone I can count on.

I arrive there.

"Derek?" I knock on the door, third time now. I'm had a long shift, unexpected mothers in labor that needed me there, typical emergencies, interns asking for help to do things that don't have anything to do with neonatal or obstetrics. Paperwork, lots and lots of it; paperwork I couldn't finish in the commodity of my home, because I've been living in a small trailer. In conclusion, I lost a lot of time and energy, which made me leave the hospital two hours after my shift ended.

"Hello?!" I knock again. I wasn't going to drive back to the hospital just to get my keys. I'm tired of waiting, my body is exhausted. I walk to the right side of the trailer, spotting an opened window, the window next to our bed. This is so awkward. I feel pretty damn stupid.

"Derek!" I say, in a louder tone, expecting to be heard. There's light on inside. "Derek, please open the door!" I keep on insisting.

"Addison?" He sounds sleepy. I hear him moving the covers away from him.

"Could you open the door for me, please? I'm freezing out here." I beg.

Wish it could be _our _land, _our_ trailer. But here in Seattle everything is his. _His_ land, _his_ trailer, _his_ new friends, _his_ intern.

He sounds groggy, "Alright." He says, taking a deep breath. I walk quickly on my heels to the front door, just right before he opens it.

"Thank you." I say, taking a deep and sharp breath. I enter that hell of a 'home' I have to live in. I close the door. "Sorry if I woke you up." I apologize for being human and committing mistakes, well, it's nothing new. He doesn't respond to that, instead he ignores it.

He sighs. "When I gave you a copy of the key, I expected you to use it." He says, in a negative way. An annoyed tone I recognize, perfectly.

"I forgot it at the hospital." I say, sighing, it's been a long day. He goes back to bed, ignoring the fact that I would also like someone to ask me about my day. I take my coat off and I leave my purse on the tiny kitchen table.

I sit on the edge of the bed, he gets comfortable, covering himself with the warm covers. He groans, a tired kind of groan. He turns the lights off, leaving me in the middle of the darkness, in the middle of the way to take my shoes off. "Derek, What the hell?!" I exclaimed. He has to be kidding me.

"Goodnight, Addison." He says.

"Derek, are you seriously doing this because you're pissed at Mark being in Seattle?" I snap. He turns the lights on.

"You know what? Maybe you should go to wherever Mark is staying, I'm sure he'll turn the lights on for you to get ready to bed." Derek snaps at me. I open my mouth in amusement, I want to say something, but I decide to keep my mouth shut. Before I could do any other movement he turned the lights off.

I stood up from bed and walked to the bathroom, turning on the light, not bothering on making him feel as bad as he made me feel.

_Please review!!!!_


	5. Chapter 5

Derek groans, annoyed by the lights of the bathroom interrupting his chance to go back to sleeping. "Are you being serious?"

"You started this childish game." I snap, taking my high heels off, brushing my hair to a side.

He sighs, he's tired, maybe as much as I am. "End it, then." He says, taking the covers off of him, sitting on the bed, looking up to me.

"Derek I just asked you to open the damn door, not to forgive me or anything else." I say.

"So you're gonna keep on playing _this childish game_?" He quotes me, obviously.

I shake my head and I take my blouse off. "I am not ending it." I respond to him. "I can't believe you're pissed at me because of something I didn't do. I didn't even know he knew we were here."

"Then how did he find out?" Derek asks, mad. I shake my head.

"Why should I know? I don't talk to him." I say, being totally honest, posing my two hands on my hips. I'm wearing my skirt and bra, but the outfit is not a matter, he has seen me naked thousand of times.

He rolls his eyes dramatically. I hate when he does that. It's so arrogant. "You seemed pretty okay when he talked to you inside of your office. Yeah, I saw that."

"What? He was just bothering me." I say. Mark went in there to bother me, talk about being a couple, how much he _'missed me'_.

Derek exhales profoundly. "Why is he here, Addison?"

"He came back for me." I say. I drop it. I let it be.

"Oh, so he's not going to surrender on having you. Isn't he?" He says, in an annoyed tone.

I enter into a dramatical and stressed kind of phase; "Do you care? You barely bother to notice I'm breathing! If I leave it would be the best for you, i don't get why you're so pissed."

"I don't get why are you so pissed either, your boyfriend came back for you!" Derek says, standing up from the bed, walking towards me.

"Are you being serious? He's not my boyfriend, he was a mistake and I'm not committing it again, at least I am trying on not screwing things up again." I snap. I'm here for him, he's the reason I somehow find myself in a trashy trailer. A nightmare.

He shakes his head and crosses his arms over his chest. "I don't understand you."

"You and Meredith? Every single day. Cute looks. Giggles. Smiles. You don't even ask me how I'm doing, you sometimes do, rarely." There was good and bad days for us. I was telling him a reality that I saw every day happening. It was hurting me but I didn't have the right to talk about it, come on, I'm _Satan_.

"I'm trying too." He says, sincerely. I know that tone on his voice, it's spontaneous and truthful.

I tilt my head a little. "Really? How?"

"Today I told Meredith I'm working out things with you, right before Mark appeared..." he says, not lying. I'm glad, content, happy of hearing this. At the same time I'm hating Mark in so many levels.

But then i meet his half angry, half sad eyes and I know it. My expression changes into a hurt one too.

"You slept with her. Revenge, am I right?" I ask, wiping a tear from my eye.

Does it make me a hypocrite bitch because I feel hurt and betrayed? I don't think so... well, maybe I am and my unconscious self doesn't want to admit it.

"I'm sorry." He says. "It was once, before you came back." Those glassy eyes asking, even begging for my mercy. I can't be mad, even if I am, I can't. That would make me the biggest hypocrite this world could ask for.

"I know... I just, I know." there's a blank space inside of my mind and there's no words to describe how I feel my heart sinking into lava.

"I was mad at you and Mark. It was revenge, it was only revenge. I swear." Derek says. Should I... believe him? I'm confused as to why this theme popped up, it was old.

"What makes you think I should believe you? I'm sorry if this makes me a hypocrite, but I'm hurt. Okay?" I admit it. I have enough courage to do that. Really Addie? Really?

Maybe that's the word that describes me the most in this situation... ~_hypocrite~ _He stares at me and my hurt expression. I look away, sitting on the edge of the bed, refusing to even giving him a look. I start taking my skirt off, not bothering if he's looking at me. I know he moves away, all the view I allow is his feet, that are near to me, in the cold floor of that tiny trailer. He walks away, the weight of the bed shifts, that's when I feel a hand falling on my shoulder. It's warm. He's next to me.

"I'm sorry." He says. "Addie..."

"You know what?" I move my shoulder away from his hand, brutally. "Now I understand what it feels like. Now I get why you keep on denying forgiving me. I'm an adulterous whore. I have ruined everything. I ruined your life and you are hurt, I get it." I'm the childish now.

"Addison... listen to me, please." He begs.

"Save It." I look down to my knees and I try to hold the tears inside of my eyes. "We are even. As you said, we are even." I stand up from the bed and I walk inside of the bathroom, where my robe is.

I have the feeling my words didn't change anything, but it did make me feel changed inside, like I was letting some weight get off of my shoulders, finally saying what I thought and felt. It wasn't that terrible. It wasn't that bad as Bizzy always told me to act polite and never gave me the chance to show my tears to anyone.

_Sorry! I know each chapter is veryyyy short. Anyway, if u have any requests let me know with a review! Thank u!_


	6. Chapter 6

_**1993 New York.**_

Sloan sighs. "The redhead is annoying." Mark says, sitting next to Derek in the cafeteria.

"I'm sorry, who?" Derek takes a sip of his coffee and gives Mark a questioning look.

"The redhead! She's incredibly annoying." Mark rolls his eyes.

"You said she was hot." Derek chuckles at the fact he did say that about that tall beautiful redhead woman... not to mention she had beautiful eyes.

"That was before I realized how annoying she is." Mark says, opening his bottle of water.

A cute and soft laugh surrounds the two best friends. "Oh, you mean me?" Addison sits in front of Mark and Derek.

Shepherd shakes his head slightly, "Excuse my friend, he likes being an asshole and he has quite talent to act like one." Derek says, giving a charming smile to the beautiful intern.

He makes the redhead laugh. "By the way, you did a great job... I couldn't have found the cause that quick."

"It was a cadaver, it was too easy." Mark rolls his eyes, but instead of a laugh from Addison he receives a hate glance from both interns in the table.

"Thank you. I'm Addison Montgomery, by the way. Forbes Montgomery." She says, stretching her hand to Derek. He took it and shaked it gently. It felt good touching her soft hands, looking into those beautiful greenish eyes, it was warm and cozy. She smiled, cheeky smile. Perfect theeth.

"I'm Derek." He says.

"Derek?" She smiles, unfolding her hand from his, going back to her work on eating her salad.

"Uh, yeah... Derek Shepherd." He nods, and keeps on eating.

"I'll go bother Bennett. See ya." Mark says, patting Derek's shoulder and leaving the table where there's just a black haired good looking man and a beautiful redhead woman.

"Why did you sit here?" Derek asks. The attractive woman was probably looking forward meeting Mark, many other women used to play alike... but then there's the question as to why she was staring at Derek and not Mark in the first place.

"Thought I could be a good company." Addison says, opening her water bottle and taking a sip, being shy enough like battling against the look those blue eyes were giving her.

"I have- well, I had Mark as my company. You could have take a sit next to anyone else but me." He says. He's not unpleasant with such lovely visit, he's just feeling strange and odd. Usually he was Mark's shadow when it came to hot dates or women in general.

"Yeah, maybe... but I already spooked him. Plus this is a better conversation than any kind of chicks gossiping." She explains her thoughts, taking another sip of water.

"You think so?" He gives her a funny look that makes her look down and try to hide that widen smile.

"I do think so." Addison nods, fighting a small chuckle.

"Good." He smiles at Addison. She smiles back at Derek.

"Great!" She says.

"Delightful." He keeps on playing that silly game.

"Incredible." She chuckles a little. She exhales heavily, those Shepherd blue eyes staring at her.

There's a small silence where they just stare at each other eyes. "Beautiful." He says, in a more serious tone, being sincere.

She bits her lip and looks down in such a charming way. She looks up to his eyes again. "I know that look." He says.

"Excuse me?" She asks, not really understanding.

"I have four sisters." Derek explains.

"I haven't even met you but, if you want me to meet your parents it's alright." She jokes.

He shakes his head. "By That I mean that i know what's going on." He says.

"Of course you do." She teases him.

"That cheeky smile, those happy eyes... you're falling for me." He teases the stranger. Because yes, she was practically a stranger.

"Ha!" She shakes her head. "You claim to know women." She rolls her eyes playfully. "You really don't." She takes his cup of coffee in her hand and takes a sip.

"You just took my coffee. And, I do know." Derek says, obviously being a flirt. "Come on, admit it. You have a crush on me."

She did have a crush on him, but she was too proud to admit it right away, even if the man was handsome, charming, spontaneous and funny... even if that man seemed to have much more beautiful qualities to get to explore soon enough.

"Oh God... you're so desperate because you are the one who's falling in love here." Addison says, talking another bit of her salad.

"No. Not at all." He takes his cup of coffee back. "You're the one who came here, remember?"

"I have a brother..." Addison plays the same cards, or at least tries to, just wanting to bother him.

"What? Are you gonna claim knowing men?" He asks with a sweet laugh.

"Well, am I lying?" Addison brushes a bit of hair out of her forehead.

"Are you lying?"

"A little." She says, referring to the falling in love matter.

"Then, you do realize you just admitted you're falling in love with me?" Derek laughs.

"Ok. You were charming but now you got annoying." She teases him, in a tone that kinda is like they know each other since always.

"Admit it, Addie." Derek tilts his head.

Wasn't it funny? He already started calling her by her nickname.

"You just gave me a nickname." She says, taking his cup of coffee back, giving it another sip.

"Call me Der, then." He Says, all goofy. She chuckles.

"I'm never calling you that." She shakes her head a bit and takes another sip of his coffee. He stares at her, still drinking his coffee. Does he mind?

**_—_**

Some memories don't last forever. Even after promising each other that they would be each other's everything until death. Sadly, it wasn't like that. She could swear it was yesterday when that lovely intern teased her. He sometimes would like to delete all those happy and beautiful memories, because his pain is breaking every single last beautiful memory. Everything. She's never going to stop of being sorry. He's always going to regret not being present.

That's probably not gonna change.

"Ouch." She makes a big drama out of it. Derek moved himself and somehow his elbow punched Addison's breast. "Be careful!"

"Sorry. It's a small bed, it wasn't my intention." He rolls, facing Addison's back.

"The bed could be much bigger, if we didn't live in this tomato Can soup in the middle of the nowhere." She sighs heavily.

"Addison, please let's not argue about this." He asks politely, she rolls her eyes. "You wanted to stay here. I appreciate your company, but please, don't keep on complaining." He says. She rolls around immediately and faces him.

"Derek I already told you thousand times. I am sorry. Can't we just go back to New York?" She practically begs.

"Seattle is my new home, Addison." He says. Derek isn't up for any discussions. No more fighting.

"Are we okay? I mean, have you hated me a bit less lately?" The silence replies for her. He rolls around and turns his lamp off, leaving the trailer without any light.

Addison rolls too, not wanting to even hear Derek's breath while sleeping. She closes her eyes and tries her best on holding the forming tears on the corner of her eyes, she hugs her pillow and sighs.

"I would never hate you." He mumbles. Kinda sleepy. Maybe too numb to be heard. But she did hear it, and she's joyful.

•••

_Please review!! I'm planning on doing more flashbacks though! I'll try to make the chapters much more long, for sure. And I changed the style of the narrative just for this chapter! The next chapter will be all about Derek's thoughts!!! :)_


	7. Chapter 7

highly requested for me to keep writing this story. I am sorry for the long break.

.-.

"How's your day going?" Callie asks Addison when they meet at a nurse station. Addison tries her best on smiling. "What's up?" Callie asks, noticing the fake smile and the exhausted look on the redhead's face.

"Just... today is a sad day." The neonatal surgeon sighs, "All cases I've been assigned to today involve a sad story. Everything is too much tragedy. I haven't sent any mom home with her newborn." Addison sighs, taking her red glasses off.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I've had a pretty good day, and I'm saying it even if you didn't ask me." Callie says, clearly cheerful.

"Miscarriages, dead babies... too much death for today." She shakes her head. It hasn't been a good day, for sure. But there was a positive thought inside of her mind, it was there even if her main focus right now was her patients, what Derek said last night made her feel mesmerized.

I will never hate you.

"Are you going to Joe's later?" Callie asks Addison, trying to distract her from her ugly day.

"I don't know. I'll probably leave late tonight, I have some paperwork to do, but I'll let you know if anything changes." Addison says, showing her best friendly smile, taking the chart she was examining and walking away.

* * *

Today brains are lazy. No tumors or aneurysms or any kind of brain bleeding left for today, none. Most surgeries are scheduled for tomorrow or in a couple of days, most cases aren't a hurry or anything like that. Derek can have the day off if he wants to. Still, he's never been used to days off, he's a surgeon, he cuts and keeps cutting and that's what he does on a daily basis.

He walks over the surgical board to check it, his eyes see his own name in there. Well, her name. His wife is in OR 3 operating, doing a TEF repair on a newborn. Derek walks to the nearest elevator from where he was, finding Mark Sloan inside of it.

"Hey." Mark says, he doesn't sound as confident as he has always sounds like which is strange, for sure.

Derek scoffs, shaking his head slightly, "Why are you back?" he asks, pushing the button to the fourth floor.

"I came back for her. But she doesn't listen. I guess she has fallen for you again." Mark says spontaneously. He's obviously talking about Addison.

"I'm sorry?" Derek plays dumb, giving Mark an annoyed glance.

"Addison. She... she's not leaving you." He tells his former best friend and as a matter of fact, she wasn't going to.

"Why would she?" Derek asks, a little confused as to why the statement.

"I thought she was going to come back to New York eventually and... I guess I was wrong. She's here with you."

I would be aware if my wife wanted to leave me, am I right? Derek thinks.

"Why do you care if she's staying or not? She's my wife, I don't know if you remember that." Maybe that question was too much, but it wasn't too much for him. It's Mark Sloan, the man whore. The man who slept with the love of his life and screwed up their lives.

"She was also my best friend." Mark says.

"Leave, alright? Just leave! You hate the rain, you hate this place and you clearly hate me enough to be bothering around." Derek explodes.

"What the hell is your problem with me?!" That's more like Mark Sloan. He stoles your wife but then he doesn't understand why the hate and disrespect towards him.

"You slept with my wife, there's no mercy left for you, Mark. Go back home and look for a new best friend because you have already lost me." Thank God the elevator doors open, and Derek comes out of it. He walked towards the gallery of the OR 3 and sat down, letting out a heavy sigh that had built up from his conversation with Mark.

He spots her down there, working her hands inside of that baby. He used to love doing this, coming to the gallery and staring at her perfect self meanwhile she worked on saving a life. Lately those memories are blurry, when they were young and filled of excitement. He regrets not being pleased by her visit… at first he wanted her on the first plane out here and now the thought of her leaving him makes him uncomfortable, even sad.

She looks so confident and focused on what she's doing.

"Doctor Shepherd?" A small voice calls from the back. Izzie Stevens waves at him when he turns around to see who's calling his name.

"Stevens." That's his way of greeting apparently.

"Have you ever seen a TEF on a newborn before?"

"I believe it's my fourth, actually." He says with a friendly grin.

"You've already watched your wife perform these kind of surgeries?"

"Yeah, I mean... one of those surgeries was performed by my sister Nancy."

"I see. So, she's a neonatal surgeon too?" The intern asks.

"No, just obstetrician. She took half fellowship, and then my fourth nephew happened." he grins. Suddenly the sound of the monitors catches his ears, three minutes later, that baby was dead in the table and Addison stormed out of the OR clearly upset.

* * *

He catches his breath after running to catch her, "Addison!" He calls, watching her walk through the hallway, scrub cap in hand.

"I need alcohol." She walks even faster.

We keep on walking and she hasn't take her scrubs off. "Addison..." He tries again, when he's almost at her level, he tries to catch her arm, but she immediately pulled herself away and kept looking down.

"Derek." She stops and looks at him in the eye, "I need to be alone."

"We all lose patients, you don't have to feel bad." He tries to comfort her. Nothing seems to help.

"Leave me alone," and she starts walking away again.

* * *

As expected, the redhead joins the orthopedic surgeon at the bar, sitting down and letting her face fall in her palms.

"Hey!" Callie greets. "You came."

Addison nods as she looks up, "I did. What are you drinking?" She asks.

"Mojito. Wanna try?"

"No, thanks. I need something stronger." Addison says, doing a gesture towards Joe for him to approach.

After her fifth drink, Callie takes her car keys away. Addison's uncontrollable laughing started, she was certainly drunk and left no other option but for Callie to have to call her husband. Derek was there in less than twenty minutes after Callie called him, he had been waiting for Addison at the trailer.

He takes the drink away from Addison's hands when he arrives to her side. Derek tries to catch her attention, but she's clearly too drunk and she's trying to get her glass of scotch from her husband's grip.

"Addison, listen to me. Let's go home." Derek insisted, holding her by the shoulder.

"I miss our home." She mumbled, looking up to his blue eyes. By 'our home' she meant New York, he knew that for sure.

"Addie, come on. Let's go, you need to rest." Derek said, walking closer to his wife.

Eventually she allowed him to help her out of the bar and inside his jeep. On their way home she starts sobbing and as much as he wants to stop the car and kiss her tears away, he can only rest a hand on her knee and concentrate on driving.

They arrive and Derek tries his best on getting Addison inside the trailer without harming her in anyway. When she's finally settled on the bed, he sits next to her and takes a deep breath. She sits up and rests her head on his shoulder, "Mark thinks I don't love you anymore." She whispers in a shaky voice. As Derek had suspected, his former best friend had been talking to Addison.

"Addison…" He's tired, exhausted of this theme.

"He says you don't love me anymore, that maybe I should forget about you." Addison keeps talking with that drunk voice that makes Derek shiver. "What's scary is that… I think I believe him."

"Addison, you can't believe him." Derek said, turning in place, allowing her to rest her head on his chest, holding her close. "You know he's lying."

"Is he?" She whispers against his flannel shirt.

He kisses the top of her head, "I don't know. I just know we can't be over yet, alright?"

She pulled away from him, "I don't want to be your wife anymore if all we will keep doing is lie to each other and pretend." She says, tired.

"I won't pretend anymore then, alright?" He says sweetly, looking into her glassy eyes. "You need to go to sleep, alright?"

"I'm not tired." She said, pulling her hand away from his, standing up from the bed. "I'm exhausted of this! Of us! Of Mark hitting on me like I'm some puppy dog that will follow his lead." She raises her voice.

He watches her rest her back against the bathroom door. She rubs her eyes, trying not to let him see her tears, but it's too late. "I'm still deeply sorry and I love you and I just want to be with you and you don't want to."

"Addie…" He stands up from bed and walks toward her. "Addison, I'm sorry."

"I had a crappy day, alright?" She shouts.

"Addison." He says annoyed, expecting her to lower her voice. "Calm down."

"I've been calm, Derek. I've been patient! I've been a saint around you and you push me away. I would have stayed in New York, I would have never come here but I can't get you out of my mind…" She trails off, turning away, resting her forehead against the bathroom door.

He walks towards her and wraps his arms around her, pulling her against him, kissing the side of her neck. "I can't get you out of my mind either."

"Don't lie to me." She sighed.

He rested his chin against her shoulder, "I'm not."

Finally she let her tense drunken body rest against his body, she lets her crying increase. He holds her as closer as possible and kisses her temple, mumbling a 'shh', thinking that could calm her down somehow. After a few minutes, she takes a deep breath and she turns around, facing him no matter how screwed up her cheeks full of mascara look like.

Derek doesn't let a second go by, he takes a step closer and wraps his arms around her, letting her start to sob again. "Do you even love me?" She whispers.

"I think I do." He whispers back, scared of hearing those words leave his mouth, he's stubborn and he's still deeply hurt by his wife's actions, there's also regret for not coming home earlier that night or every night the last couple of years. He is in pain too.

Addison pulls away to look into his eyes, "You think?" She asks, her voice breaking.

"I do." He says, looking into her blue greenish eyes, that are filled with tears. Her gorgeous features show sorrow and he feels guilty for it, for her pain. It takes two to break a marriage, and this moment makes him notice that.

He didn't show up, she didn't confront him about it. At least not as much as she should have.

"I do, too." She says, a small grin on her lips that quickly turns in a sad smile.

Suddenly his own eyes are a pool and she gets closer to him, she kisses his cheek and mumbles an "I love you."

"Addie, let's go to bed, alright?" He tries again, rubbing his eyes, taking away the tears. Surprisingly she lets him get her undressed and into her silk pajamas. Finally she's inside of the covers and Derek lies next to her until she's asleep.

"I love you, Addison. I'm just scared of getting hurt, I guess." Derek whispers after he's completely certain his wife was asleep.

* * *

The next morning Addison woke up to the smell of coffee, black coffee. She opens her eyes and find him sitting on his side of the bed, he's holding a mug and he's reading a medical journal, clearly really into whatever he's reading about.

She sits up slowly and his gaze is directed to her almost immediately, "You're up."

Addison nods, rubbing her eyes, "As a matter of fact, I am." She says, sarcasm in her voice. "Oh God." She mumbles as she starts feeling the hungover wave wash over her.

"Hungover?" He asked sweetly and offered his mug to her. She took it and sipped it.

"Thank you." She said, not meeting his eyes. She certainly remember yelling and that he said he loved her, but she was still confused if she imagined that, if it was the alcohol or what, she just knew there was a strange feeling building up inside her. "I'm sorry about last night, I'm sure I was a mess."

"It's fine." Derek said, caressing her upper arm as she kept drinking the coffee. Addison shivers a little at her husband's touch, surprised by it. She gives him the mug back and brushes some hairs out of her face.

"Did you mean it?" Addison asks after a couple of silent minutes, looking into his sad blue eyes, trying to find some honesty in them. She's scared of his answer and she is scared of not being able to cope with it, whether it's a yes or a no.

He looks a little confused, "You mean, last night?"

She nods mutely as his hand gets off of her upper arm and tucks a strand of red hair behind her ear. "Yeah, I did." He confirms.

An unexpected smile came to her lips. "Always and forever, huh?"

.-.-.-.

1994

addek wedding night

"I love you, Addison Shepherd." He said against her ear. Both lying naked under the covers, her red curls all over the pillow, her hands resting on his chest, caressing his warm and sweaty skin.

She smiles and reaches for his face to kiss his lips, "I love you, Derek Shepherd." She says, kissing him softly again. His response was to kiss her back and pull her on top of him again, enjoying her soft pale skin, the smell of her and her lips against his. He held her close, his hands rubbing up and down her back.

Tonight they could pretend the rest of the world didn't exist.

Addison pulled away sightly, just enough to tilt her head to the side, she didn't need any words, she didn't need an act of love to know that he was the one for her and she was the one for him. Always and Forever.

He cupped her jaw with his hand and pulled her in closer, slowly. They kissed again and as the kiss deepened she ran her hands up his chest to his shoulders. There was something about taking this slow that was turning her on more than she could have ever imagined it could.

He pulled away and breathed deeply, trying to catch his breath, looking at his eyes, mesmerized by his wife's beauty. "You're perfect." He mumbled, caressing her cheek.

"You are perfect, husband." She said, pecking his lips. "Always and Forever, Der."

"Always and Forever, Addie." He said, looking into her deep blue greenish eyes.

.-.-.-.

"Always and Forever." Derek echoed, closing the medical journal, getting closer to his wife, kissing her cheek and looking into her eyes for a couple of seconds afterwards. "We haven't said that to each other in years."

"Seven years." She says.

He nods mutely.

Her eyes look down to his lap, recognizing that medical journal perfectly, because it's not his, it's hers. "That's mine. What were you reading about neonatal surgery?"

"About omphaloceles. You were asleep and I had questions, I didn't want to bother you." He explains, leaving the medical journal on his night stand.

"What kind of omphalocele? How many weeks does the baby have?" She starts to get all 'doctor'y on him.

He laughs at her behavior and shakes his head, "There's no case, it was just a consult from a colleague."

She raises an eyebrow, "What colleague?"

"Phillips." He says.

She looks confused now, "Aaron Phillips?"

"Yeah." He nods.

She scoffs, getting comfortable in bed, resting her elbow against the pillow, "He's not your colleague, he used to be your colleague until that one event when he started flirting with me and you punched him." Addison says.

"Right! Well, that explains why I didn't have his number." He laughs and gets to her level in bed. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For punching Mark when he came out here, when I should have done it a long time ago." He said, a small sad grin on his face. Derek was never a violent man, he couldn't even kill a fly, yes he had anger problem sometimes, but he wasn't a violent man.

She blinks, a little surprised by his confession and apology.

She rolls onto her back, so she's looking up to the ceiling now and she sighs, because she's not used to this new version of Derek. She's not used to the apologies and the sweet gestures, she hasn't seen this Derek in so long.

"I've heard the gossip Addie, I've heard it a thousand of times and it's not like it. I didn't punch Mark because he was talking to Meredith, I didn't even realize Meredith was in front of him, I just saw him and then the thought of him on top of you…"

She shivered and sighed heavily.

"...it made me angry."

Addison looked up to his eyes staring at her, "I accept your apology, Derek." She said, smiling a bit. "I just wish you would have told me this earlier."

"I know. I'm stupid for not doing that, and i'm sorry if you ever listened to the hospital gossip. I really am." Derek said, sincerely.

Addison knew him good, she knew him for a long time now (eleven plus years to be exact) and when she heard all of this coming out of his mouth, she knew it was true. She didn't know if it was terrifying or wonderful, she only knew something in her told her not to get too comfortable.

"Stop apologising." Addison requests, shutting her eyes closed, fighting the headache that was increasing as time went by. "Just… It's okay, Derek. I forgive you as long as you forgive me." Addison said with a soft voice, resting a hand against her forehead, fighting her hungover.

"Addie, that's…" He trails off.

"Hard?" She fills in, sitting up again, resting her hand against her mouth now, feeling nausea increasing within her.

"Addison, are you okay?" He asks alarmed, knowing how hard hangovers were on her. She stood up and ran into the bathroom, Derek behind her, willing to hold her hair meanwhile she throws up the contents of her stomach.

He rubs circles on her back with one of his hand meanwhile the other one holds her hair. When she's finally finished, she gasps for air and Derek gives her a towel so she can clean up herself.

"Thanks," She mutters as she starts to stand up from her kneeling position, careful not to squeeze herself against him, considering the bathroom is certainly not espacious. She starts brushing her teeth after he has given her some space inside of the restroom.

"I'll get you some water." He announces, getting out of the small bathroom, walking a few steps towards the fridge and getting a bottle of water for her. When he turned around to return to the bathroom, he had noticed she was quick, she was already sitting on the edge of the bed, taking deep breaths, hoping the rest of her stomach contents (if they were any left) wouldn't decide to come out too. "Here, drink." He said, sitting next to her, handing her the water bottle.

Addison took the bottle from him and started drinking sips.

"Drink slowly." He advices.

She scoffs, "I'm a doctor, Derek. I know how to deal with these kind of things." She says, a little annoyed for no reason at all.

"I'll call Richard and let him know you're sick." Derek says, patting her knee twice before standing up looking for his phone.

She almost spit the water after hearing him say that, "What?! No." She said standing up as fast as she could, turning to look at him in the eye. "I'm not staying here just because I have a hangover." The redhead said seriously, taking another sip of water before closing the bottle and tossing it on the bed.

Derek rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his dark hairs, "Addison, you're clearly dehydrated."

"I am not- The hospital has IV bags! I can get hydrated over there." She says, clearly ready to win this argument.

Derek sighs, annoyed. "Addison, come on, you can give your surgeries to someone else, I'm sure a c-section is not that complicated."

She rolled her eyes and folded her arms over her chest, "Ah, and brain surgery is so impressive."

"It is, actually." He said with a half smile.

She shrugged and scoffed again, sitting at the edge of the bed, "This is nonsense, we'll be late for work." She said firmly.

"I will be late for work. You are staying here, relaxing." Derek said, pointing his index finger at her.

She shakes her head slightly, "What exactly is so relaxing about this trailer, Derek?"

He ignores her question and moves past her, turning the shower on, "I care about you Addison, I know how hangovers are on you. You'll be cranky all day and you will treat interns worse than as usual."

"Maybe Karev deserves my crankiness." Addison says, staring at her husband as he starts to get naked in front of her.

"Nobody deserves cranky-hungover Addison Shepherd." Derek giggled before getting inside of the steamy mini-shower.

* * *

_so excited to keep writing this story! posting the next chapter on Monday._


	8. Chapter 8

_As promised, I'm back._

* * *

She sighed and figured that maybe having a day for herself wasn't as bad as it sounded, she could catch up on the newest medical journals, maybe watch some Audrey Hepburn and rehydrate. Addison ran a hand through her hair and couldn't help but think about her naked husband inside of that shower, all wet with hot steaming water, his damp black curls; it was a turn-on, no doubts.

She bit her lip and decided to get busy before she even thought about jumping inside of there with him. She changed into new fresh pajamas and prepared herself a tea. Derek came out of the bathroom shortly after she took the first sip of her black tea.

Addison turned around to give a look at him before she couldn't admire his naked body for the rest of the days. Nah, who believes Addison anyway, she has memorized that man's body for more than eleven years now, she just watches for pleasure.

"Addison." Derek cuts her off of her thoughts.

She shook her head, now looking at him in the eye, "Hm?" She asks, sipping her tea and trying to act like she wasn't staring at her perfect ass just two seconds ago.

"You were staring." He says, tucking the towel around him.

Addison frowned a little, disappointed she didn't get the 360 grades look she wanted, "I wasn't."

"You were." He said again. "I always know when you're staring." Derek said with a cocky grin.

She blushed a little and turned around, decided not to look at him, knowing his charms were dangerous and she could easily forget she had a hangover every time he would look at her with those blue wonders.

"I still think it's useless for me to stay home." She says, turning around finally, to see him in underwear, choosing which flannel shirt to wear. "I've been worst than this at work."

"And you always got much worse after, remember?" He pointed out, putting on a hunter green flannel and zipping his jeans.

She rolled her eyes, "Flannel, really? That's how you think you'll charm the ladies now?"

"We both know I don't need any charms to enchant you." He flirts and walks closer to her, kissing just above her earlobe.

Addison bit her lip, trying to not increase the urge of kissing him right now, the increase of not pushing him against the wall and taking that flannel off of him herself. But she just closes her eyes and tries to relax under the situation.

"Am I right?" He kept teasing, his breath against her neck. So damn seductive.

There's a scary feeling that maybe he'll kiss her first and she won't be able to contain her hunger; as it has happened before. But he pulls away slowly and she watches his eyes doing a quick scan of her body from toes to head. There's something that flickers in his eyes when he looks at her with desire.

"Don't." She whispers, looking from his lips to his eyes, back and forth.

"I'm not doing anything." He says quietly. "What makes you think I'm doing anything?" He asks innocently, suddenly resting a hand on her hip, to hold her when his lips come to her cheek to give it a sweet kiss. "I'm just saying goodbye to my wife before I go to work."

She shakes her head slightly and looks down, "We both know that's just bullshit, Derek." She can't help but chuckle.

Derek moves a strand of red hair out of her face and kisses her cheek once again, "Bye, Addie. If you need anything give me a call or call the hospital to let me know." He instructed, grabbing his coat and putting it on, checking twice if he had everything… keys, wallet, phone, pager… done.

She watched him closely as he moved around the small can soup they've been calling 'home' for the last months, and comes closer to him when he's about to leave. "Bye." She said softly, kissing his cheek and patting his shoulder twice.

.=.=.

"Addison's sick at home?" Burke asks surprised.

Derek nods mutely.

"That doesn't sound like your wife." Preston said, both hands on his hips as the both surgeons kept walking down the hall.

Derek scoffs, "I've known my wife for eleven plus years, trust me, this does sound like Addison."

"Hm, no it doesn't."

"Yes, it does."

"Well, if she's sick home, then how come she just paged me to the ER?"

* * *

Derek's eyes widen as he sees his wife in blue navy scrubs waiting for Preston, her scrub cap on already, "Addison! What are you doing here?" He sounds clearly angry, even if it's not a big deal.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't stay in that trailer and look out the window like it's some sort of aphrodisiac." She says, walking quickly through the hallways, Preston and Derek following closely. "I had to cut."

"You're not cutting, you're helping in the ER because I made Richard cancel all your surgeries." Derek said, being reasonable.

Addison lets out a dry chuckle, "That doesn't mean I can't get to work or cut."

"I'm sorry, Addison, you needed me?" Preston cuts in.

"Yeah, rheumatic fever. She's in labor and I need you there to monitor the mother meanwhile I monitor the baby."

Derek seems confused, "Wait, she's having a natural birth?" Her husband asks, trying not to gasp at this.

"She's pretty ready to push, I don't think we can ask her to wait." Addison shrugs.

"Rheumatic fever is a big deal, Addison."

Addison rolled her eyes, "I'm a double board neonatal surgeon, of course I am aware of that. Now, enough of chit-chat and let's get moving."

"What's her name?"

"Clara Thompson, 27 years old, 38 weeks pregnant, wasn't aware of the disease, so that's why she decided to have a baby without consulting a cardiologist, of course." Addison informed as she kept on walking fast towards her patient's room. "Apparently her mother died when she gave birth to her, she had the same illness."

Burke takes the chart from Addison's hands and reads, "This is a risky case." He says, exchanging an insecure look with Derek.

"This is a life, Preston. If you don't want to get involved, fine. I just need a cardiologist, I chose you, I could have chosen someone else." Addison argues, standing out of her patient's room. The moaning coming out of the room was quite alarming, but Addison didn't seem to be surprised or concerned.

"Fine, I'm in." Preston said, entering the room being followed by Addison. Derek on the other hand, had to stay outside since he wasn't needed or was involved in the case.

* * *

"That was amazing." She said, breathless, sitting next to Derek on the bench outside the hospital.

He looked at her and asked: "Surgery went well?"

She smiled at him and nodded, "Yes, it went great. Clara is taking her newborn son, Jacob, home tomorrow. We're keeping her overnight due to her condition."

Derek nodded in understanding, "I'm surprised Burke didn't say no, for a moment I was afraid you were going to have to call some lame resident."

"I knew he was going to come in with me." Addison said, looking around the place.

"You did?" He frowned.

She nodded and looked at him in the eye again, "Yeah, I trusted he was going to be adventurous."

"Well, it's good you two are friends." He said, grinning a little.

Addison hit him playfully in the arm, "Hey, maybe I'm not so popular over here because I'm Misses Shepherd, but there's no need for you to have pity on me." She jokes, crossing her arms over her chest.

He shook his head, "Shut up." He couldn't help but smile at her joyful face. "I'm happy your surgery went well."

"I'm sorry I didn't stay home as promised. Some tea helped and I just needed an advil for my headache." She said, giving away excuses he didn't need to hear, he was happy to see her happy out here, sweaty and painfully tired from all those hours in the OR, but still full of joy, with sparkling eyes.

"We both know a good bath of blood and organs always helps hangovers."

"That I do know." She giggles, nodding slightly. "I think we should talk about this morning."

"What part exactly? When you threw up or when you stared at me like I was a juicy beef." He said in that cocky tone of his, smiling at her.

"Shut up. And I wasn't looking at you like that." Addison said a little annoyed.

He laughed, "Jesus Christ, Addison. You were almost drooling over me."

"I was not." Addison says annoyed, cheeks burning up, "You are the one who drools when you see me naked."

"That is different, what you used to do in New York was torture, not seduction." He says.

She stays quiet for a couple of seconds, thinking about that sentence. What they used to do. It hurts to think they don't do those things anymore, there's no youth left, no fun. There's barely a time for them to solve their problems (that haven't been completely solved yet) and It's a little overwhelming to think about things they used to have or used to do.

"You tortured me this morning too."

"I learned from the best." He jokes, chuckling.

Addison sighs, "I miss that. Being so… free. So full of hope and… I don't know, I just miss it sometimes."

He nods mutely.

"I miss having cocktails with you, Savvy and Weiss. Go to the beach our weekends off. All those pranks you used to annoy me with."

He chuckles at the memories. "The pranks were fun."

"The pranks were awful." Addison said, shaking her head slightly.

Derek sighed, "Things are just not the same anymore. I guess we changed."

"Yeah. But mostly you did, I mean, flannel?" She keeps teasing him.

He rolls his eyes, "Addison I understand that you have a refined clothing style, but that doesn't mean I have to wear Ralph Lauren everyday as you do."

"It would look great on you! Think about all the interns you could catch with an Armani suit!" Addison jokes.

"Hey, that was mean."

"I know it was." She nodded.

* * *

After talking to Derek she went to the attendings lounge, finding a very nervous/upset Callie Torres looking for her. Addison looked a little surprised to see her friend looking for her, specially in this state.

"Hey, what is it?" Addison asks.

Callie sighs and rests a hand against her chest, "Thank God you're here." Callie says, "I need to know that you're not thinking of doing anything crazy."

"What do you mean?" Addison asks confused.

Callie touches Addison's upper arm, "About last night, when you… when you told me."

"I don't remember Callie, what did I tell you?" Addison asks, frowning.

That's when she remembers what she told Callie last night over many, many drinks. Addison's face goes pale, paler than as usual. She is shook.

"Callie, it's not what you think. I… I was drunk and I was being nonsense." Addison clarifies. "You don't need to worry about me. It's fine, I'm fine."

"No, you aren't! Addison, that's a big deal. Does- Does Derek know?" Callie asks concerned, her eyes sparkling with fear because of what her friend confessed last night under the effects of the alcohol.

"Believe me, it was a while ago and it's okay, just… Thank you for caring, but it's okay." Addison repeats, trying to calm down the woman in front of her. "It was a hard path but I went through it and I'm fine now."

* * *

The ride home was quiet, not awkward quiet, actually quite comfortable kind of quiet. He didn't say a word, neither did she, but when they went on the ferryboat, things changed.

Addison had realized she needed to tell Derek what she had told Callie last night. He needed to know, just as much as she needed to tell him.

"We need to talk." She suddenly said, not even sure where that came from. Addison stared into his eyes and grabbed one of his hands, "I need you to listen to me and not hate me after processing what I'm going to say." She says bravely.

Derek nodded and squeezed her hand gently. "Is something wrong?"

She shook her head, "It's complicated." Addison sighs, "Derek, promise me you won't hate me. Always and Forever, okay?"

"You're scaring me." Derek says softly, looking into her eyes.

"Good, because what I'm about to tell you it's not pretty." She blinks, running a hand through her hair. "When you left… I stayed with Mark." Addison says slowly, "I was alone and depressed and I didn't even know if you were alive so… I slept with him again. I never stopped loving you… I guess I was confused, alone and I needed something to distract myself. I'm so sorry."

Derek opens his mouth, no words come out. He shakes his head in denial, "I can't believe you." He says sharply, finally speaking. He pulls his hand away from hers, clearly upset by her confession.

"Wait," She begs, grabbing his shoulder, not allowing him to escape this conversation, "I need to tell you the rest… I… I got pregnant." She swallows, realizing what she just said, " I was going to abort his baby, I really was, but then… I had a miscarriage, the.. um, the antidepressants I was taking made me have a miscarriage."

"Antidepressants?" He asks, confused as to why were antidepressants involved. Did she start taking those after he kicked her out of their house and threw her clothes out to the pouring rain?

"I've been taking them for a few years now." Addison lets out, letting go of his shoulder.

Derek runs a hand through his hair and face, clearly frustrated by Addison's words, "Wait, so you've been lying to me for years now?"

It's already a big shock to know that she was pregnant with his former best friend, imagine knowing your wife has been lying to you for years now. Antidepressants? Does she have depression? How long has she been like this?

Addison looks down, not wanting to look at him right now, certainly embarrassed, "No, I was hiding my unhappiness, because you were focused on work, and when we were together I didn't want to drown you on my problems. I never wanted to be a bother, I was afraid of being a bother… I was a fool and I decided to not tell you things because I was afraid. I'm so sorry. So deeply sorry." She says, looking up to his blue teary eyes, knowing how stupid she was for keeping all those things to herself.

"You have got to be kidding me." Derek says, turning around, resting his hands against the ferry railing. "You hide your mental health from me," He turns around again, meeting her glassy eyes, "you cheat on me, you loose his child and I get to know all of this when I'm starting to fall in love with you all over again?"

His face screams rage, but his eyes are full of sorrow.

"I'm sorry, Derek." She whispers, taking a step forward.

He shakes his head, "I am sorry." Derek barks, "I promised you love and protection, compassion… I promised you attention and I didn't give you any of those, at least not as much as I should have. You were hurting and I didn't know." His eyes look down to the floor, ashamed.

"Derek, you don't… you shouldn't…" She rambles, shaking her head slightly.

Derek takes a step forward and wraps his arms around his wife, letting her hot tears burn down his neck and shoulder of the fabric of his flannel. He kept running circles on her back and kissing the top of her head, trying to show some comfort. "I should have been there, I'm sorry Addie. I'm sorry."

His arrogant self is gone, his selfish way of being completely faded. Now it's just his compassion and his love for Addison. Aching in pain for not being there for his wife when she needed him the most. He truly is angry that she didn't open up to him, but, could he blame her for not being able to? He couldn't.

He was away most of the time, so much time that he hated himself at times.

Derek pulled away slightly.

"What?" She murmured.

"We're already here." He said, showing a really small smile, but reassuring her everything was going to be okay.

* * *

They're sitting on the edge of the bed, already at the trailer, both of them soaking wet from the unexpected rain that had started. "Tell me more about it." He asks, placing a hand on top of hers.

"I've took those pills for five years now, but eventually I didn't take them everyday, just during hard moments." She took a deep breath before speaking again, "After you… after that night I started taking the regular dosis I was assigned and Mark happened again and then suddenly I was bleeding out." Addison said, her voice breaking a little.

He squeezed her hand, "You should have told me."

She shook her head, "It was something I should have told you the same day my psychiatrist prescribed them, but I didn't say a word." Addison looked into his eyes and felt deeply bad for him, knowing that your significant other hid something this important from you is not easy.

"You were so happy." She smiled a little, but it disappeared quickly as she reminisced, "It was after a long night shift and you had performed a flawless craniopharyngioma removal from that six year old… You were glowing happiness and I was exhausted. I took the pills and never said a word." Addison said, pursing her lips after finishing that painful sentence.

"Addie, promise me next time we won't fool ourselves. We need to communicate and solve things together, alright?"

She nods, "I know"

"Good."

"Now, about what you said in the ferry, what was that?" She asked, growing curious.

"I told you I had fallen for Meredith, but… Now I'm in love with you. I know you, I know every centimeter of your skin, of your wounded heart, or so I thought. There's something about your way of being that has always captivate me. That day in the exam room, when you had poison oak… that's the day I noticed I had fallen for you."

They always say good things come out of bad things, but she never imagined that her husband would realize he's in love with her because of poison ivy in her… 'lady parts'.

"Who else knows about this?" Derek asks, brushing a strand of red hair out of her face, wanting to get a better look of her pale blue greenish eyes.

"Savvy. Oh! And Callie Torres."

"Torres knew before me?!"

"I told her, when I was drunk, last night." Addison says, blushing.

"You shouldn't have drunk that much."

"It was a hard day, Derek."

He pulled her closer, "Still."

"I know, I feel stupid for doing that." Addison said, resting her head on the curve between his shoulder and neck.

There's something when Derek looks at her, the way he does it. Addison wants to capture this moment, when their eyes meet. Addison needs to capture this moment with her eyes, save it in her brain forever so she can replay it again and again without any of the details fading away.

But then the image is gone, being washed away by a bark from Doc, who is demanding some attention.

Both spouses look at the dog standing in front of them, Derek caresses his ears fur and directs his attention back to Addison, who seems puzzled.

Derek chuckles, "Why are you staring at him like that?"

Addison looks back at her husband, "I don't know, I just wonder if he stares when I'm naked."

"He does." Derek laughs.

She scoffs, "Just when I was finally getting to like him, I find out this."

"He's a pervert, Addison. He can't help it." Derek jokes, pecking her lips and quickly pulling away.

Addison stares into his blue eyes for a couple of seconds before deciding to push him against the mattress, connecting their lips. "Addison…" He breathed after she pulled away for some oxygen.

"I'm sorry.." She whispered, running a finger through her dry lips, seekers of his.

"Don't be." He said simply, grabbing her hand and kissing the back of it, before kissing her deeply, letting her press her body against his, parting his thighs with one of her own.

/

ah! hopefully you enjoyed… see y'all next Monday.


	9. Chapter 9

IM BACK! i didnt get enough time to see if this chapter hsa any mistakes, so i apologize for the typos!

…

When he wakes up, the first thing he sees is her, eating grapes on her side of the bed, the sheets covering her breasts and her greenish eyes are looking at him. "Morning." She whispers, leaning to kiss his lips.

She had missed the physical contact with her husband, she had missed his arms around her, his lips all over her touching each inch of her sensitive skin. It felt good to be loved, to feel like there was a reconnecting process about to happen.

As for Derek? He missed her body too, every single part of her. He missed the way Addison would play with his curls and hum 'I love you's to his ear during their incomparable rhythm. It felt right and safe for both of them.

Derek cupped her jaw and allowed her lips to collide with his. She pulled away just when the kiss started to deepen, but he didn't complain. He just smiled at her and her perfect features.

"Morning." He echoed, grabbing her hand and kissing the back of it. "You're gorgeous." He says, looking into her beautiful eyes.

After what she told Derek last night he has thought about them, about how they used to be and how screwed up they are now. Somehow that made Derek realize that they are indeed not young anymore, but they still had each other and should learn how to deal with that.

"I thought about what you said last night." Addison says, getting comfortable in bed, feeding Derek a grape. "I miss us, I miss being able not to feel afraid of my thoughts, I miss being able to just scream my thoughts at you and I want to work on that." Addison says, pecking his lips and looking into his beautiful eyes, waiting for an answer from him.

After swallowing the grape, he spoke; "I miss us too, or that young version of ourselves."

"Maybe we could work on it." She proposes, "Do things we used to do, take free time once in a while, spend time together."

"I would love that." He says sweetly, caressing the back of her hand softly, kissing her fingers with affection.

"Maybe we could go out on a date, do what cheesy in love couples do." Addison says, smiling at his husband, running a hand through his dark curls, meanwhile he kept kissing her fingers, looking up to her with a hint of lust and love.

"You really want to get out of here, huh?" He teased.

Addison cocked her head to the side, exposing her neck for him to start to kiss, which he does. "Yeah." She let out, panting a little as his caresses turned her on more and more. "Derek…" She trailed off, as his hands took the plate with grapes and left it on her small nightstand, he kept on sucking on her sensitive skin, until their mouths were once again connected and his hands were on her hair. "We'll be late for work." Addison said, closing her eyes as his mouth sucked behind her earlobe.

He chuckled and looked at her in the eye, "We can get dressed in a minute, we've done that before. Besides, you're Richard's favorite." He said, moving a strand of hair away from her luminous face and kissing her lips passionately once again.

Either way, they surprisingly make it to work at time and there's no hickeys (not visible anyway), Addison catches up on the cases she missed yesterday and Derek works on his scheduled surgeries. Hospital gossip talks about the Shepherds getting closer now, after being spotted talking outside of the hospital last night, adding that this morning they walked holding each other's hand as they entered the hospital.

Derek makes a reservation at the Paramount Hotel restaurant and he also got the best room in the hotel for them. Addison doesn't know this yet, but Derek knows she's going to love it. They've been at the Archfield before, so that is mostly why he decided to look for this new place.

Derek gets out of his second surgery today, stunned by the shouting of his wife, he looked both sides and spotted her standing there, yelling at Alex Karev. The intern surely looked like he didn't give a fuck about what the redhead had to say.

Derek just stood there, barely listening or understanding a word his wife was saying to the intern. When Addison yelled a 'Go!'. Derek saw Karev leave. Addison took off her scrub cap and rested her back against the wall. Derek walked towards worried about what just made her so upset. "Addison, what was all that about?"

Addison looked up to him, surprised to see him here, she didn't even hear him get close. "Hey… Nothing, just… you know, classic insolent Karev." Addison said, letting out a heavy sigh. She's exhausted.

Derek looks concerned into her eyes, "Wanna talk about it?"

"No, I mean… yeah I do but now I can't." She says with a small grin forming on her lips.

"Over lunch, maybe?" He asked hopeful.

She nodded and smiled a little, "Yeah." Addison said, taking a step forward to peck him on the lips and walk away slowly, ready for the next surgeries of the day.

After all Addison does make it to lunch with him, but she's not hungry so she just plays with her food and tries to ignore the concerned looks coming from her husband. It's not like Karev put Addison's career in jeopardy or anything serious, she's just in a bad mood.

"Addie, what is it?" He asks after he swallows a bite of his green apple.

She looked up to him, "Huh? What did you say?"

"What happened? You're clearly upset." Derek said, taking another bite of his apple.

Addison tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and sighed heavily, "I'm fine."

"You aren't fine." Derek insisted, watching how she rolled her eyes at his statement.

Addison was stubborn for sure and was obviously going to deny she wasn't okay, even if she had the most upset expression, or glassy eyes, or rage emerging out of her ears… she was stubborn and had learnt to hide her emotions, and be ashamed of them.

Bizzy would get the credit for that work, no doubts.

"Fine, I'm not… fine." She said, looking away, "I'm… angry and I just wanna slam a door or scream, punch a wall… I'm upset." She says, shrugging, looking into her husband tender eyes.

Derek smiled a little, "You can always talk to me."

"Yeah, but I can't slam doors or punch a wall or…" She trailed off, remembering that she lives in a trailer with metal walls, and just two small doors that probably wouldn't do that much sound if she tried to slam them.

"You could always scream at me." He flirted, clearly referring to more than one kind of scream, which just reminded them both about last night's activities.

She rolled her eyes, "Shut up." Addison laughed a little, her lips curling into a small smile, showing some sort of joy and emotion besides sadness was all he needed and she needed. "That intern is just so… stubborn. So damn insolent and he thinks he knows stuff- I- I'm a damn double board certified neonatal surgeon."

"You damn are." Derek conceded, nodding slightly at his wife.

"If the baby could have made it in any other way I would have known, right? I mean this is my field and I'm good. God, I'm excellent." Addison says.

"You are. Don't let Karev let you down, he barely knows how to separate adult blood vessels." Derek said, smiling at her, seeing how her face started to glow up after letting go of the rage and upsetting thoughts. "Hey, I got us a room at the Paramount Hotel and a table at its restaurant, 8:00 sounds good?"

"Derek! You didn't have to." Addison said smiling at him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it gently, "8:00 sounds great."

"Good. And Addie, don't let that asshole let you down, you know you rock in the OR." Derek said kindly, squeezing her hand gently back.

She nods, "You're right. He's a puppy, I'm a dog."

Burke scoffed as he joined the table with his own tray, "Addison Shepherd using manly metaphors?"

"Hey, all metaphors are unisex." Addison pointed out, taking the first bite of her food.

"Ha, that's like saying the name 'Blake' is unisex. It's a man's name." Preston Burke said, grabbing his bottle of water and taking a sip from it.

Addison scoffed, "Are we really about to have this conversation?"

"Danger." Derek said to Preston.

"No, no, no. Let him speak. If I called my daughter Blake, would you judge me for it?" Addison asked, waiting for a response from the cardiothoracic surgeon.

Preston just looked at the redhead, "Should I answer?" Burke asked Derek, clearly a little scared of what Addison would attack him with next.

Derek shook his head, "I wouldn't if I were you." Derek said seriously but also playfully.

After lunch Addison found Derek on his office working on some paperwork, she needed to talk about yesterday and last night, clear her head from all these thoughts haunting her. He must have had questions too and she felt like they needed to have a talk.

She knocked on the door twice and watched his lips curl into a smile as he saw her standing there, both hands resting on her lab coat pockets. "Hey you." Derek said, surprised to see her here, knowing she also had some paperwork to work on herself. "What's up?"

"Can I interrupt your hard work and chit chat?" She said, closing the door behind her as she stepped inside of his office.

Derek's office was kind of too basic. A desk, some chairs, a printer and the typical stuff a office has. His Columbia certificate hanging on the wall, his laptop sitting on the desk, but there were no pictures, no personal touches, just the typical.

"You sure can." He said, happy to see her, not bothering to stand up from his desk, knowing she would come closer.

She chuckled and sat down on the chair in front of his desk, she took a deep breath and locked eyes with her husband. "This is not _chit chat, _am I right?"

She moved her head no, "No, it isn't. I wanna talk about last night."

"We already talked about last night." Derek said, reasonably.

"No, we didn't. We did talk last night but we didn't discuss anything afterwards." Addison said, folding her arms over her chest, looking directly at her husband.

His mischievous smile made an appearance, "By my point of view we did." Derek said, adding a wink to the sentence.

She felt her cheeks blushing but didn't let the memories from last night get in the way of what she wanted to say, "I'm talking about a civilized discussion where we are actually dressed and not screaming each other's names."

"You also screamed Jesus' name." He pointed out, mischievous smile still figuring on his features.

"Derek…" She sighed, hoping he would take this seriously for once in a lifetime.

"It's just a joke. You make me goofy." He said, letting out a chuckle.

"Just, I need to talk." Addison said, pouting a little.

"Okay let's talk then." He said, offering a hand for her to grab.

She grabbed his hand, "I feel guilty about not telling you I had been taking antidepressants, and I feel guilty of not telling you about the miscarriage. I should have… but when I came here and you and Meredith…"

"Addie, I understand." He nodded his head.

"Let me finish." She said, pulling her hand out of his and pointing her index finger at him, "I decided to shut up and just go with it. But that doesn't mean I'll keep making the same mistake… what I'm saying is that you can trust me and you can count on me." Addison said in a serious tone.

"Addison…" He knew she was being honest and that made him ache, she did things wrong but so did he, so this whole _not-so-much-of-a-chit-chat _was making him feel guilty for his own actions and words.

"I really want us to work things out finally and I couldn't just not tell you this." The redhead sighed, grabbing his hand again, "I want to hear your thoughts on my stuff and I want to be able to share my thoughts about your stuff. I want to be the center of your world and I want you to know you're the center of mine. Just… please don't lose faith on me after what you found out last night, now that you know all my secrets, I feel like I owe you an apology for not opening up to you entirely. I'm sorry."

"Addison, you _are_ the center of my world." He said, tracing patterns on the back of her hand with his thumb. "What you told me last night didn't push me away from you, it brought me closer. I should be the one apologizing for not being there for you." He had already done that, but he didn't mind doing it again; "I love you and I won't lose faith on us, you're the love of my life."

"I thought I was Satan." Addison said with a sad smile.

"I was hurt and petty. I shouldn't have called you that." He said, squeezing her hand gently, "Just know I'm there, please."

She smiled a little at him, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being you." Addison squeezed his hand back and smiled sincerely at him.

* * *

They get there separately. It was a fancy place, so they had to wear some fancy clothes as expected. Addison showed up earlier and waited by the bar.

Derek appeared a couple of minutes later. It was 7:45, they still had time until their reservation. The place was crowded but he could only see her, his gorgeous wife wearing a black dress with a bow sleeve designed by Roksanda Lavette. Addison bit her lip as he saw her husband walking towards her and asked with a seductive tone, "I'm sorry is this seat taken?" Derek asked in a seductive tone she couldn't resist.

At first she didn't understand what was happening, of course it wasn't taken, but when he looked in the eyes she knew it. His husband was up to some roleplay.

"Oh um, well I was saving it for someone, but he's late, so go ahead." Addison replied, smiling seductively at Derek, watching him seat next to her.

"Thanks, and who's that."Derek said looking into Addison's blue greenish eyes.

He knew how to play this game with her perfectly. They have done it a thousand of times, or they used to, they used to be that kind of married couple that would go out on dates and do exciting things. There was always this little stranger-to-stranger conversation at a bar or restaurant, even the OR sometimes. Addison-and-Derek could convert into; Kelly-and-Paul, Blair-and-Carter, Ashley-and-Brad, and much more combinations of names.

Addison looked away and sighed, "My husband."

"Ah… Oh, well, he shouldn't keep you waiting, that's for sure." Derek says, smiling at her in that sweet way he always does, the 'McDreamy' way.

"Indeed!" Addison smiles charmly, "He's a bit of a prick like that. Always working."

"Hmm." He nods understanding, "Can I uh… buy you a drink? Maybe something a little harder than a vodka tonic?" Derek asked her, gesturing to her drink sitting on the bar.

"Yeah, okay… um, I'll take a…"

"Manhattan?" Derek said faster than she did.

"Bingo." She conceded, just what she was craving. The man beside her made a gesture towards the bartender for him to approach.

The bartender approached and Derek instructed; "Can I have a dirty martini with three olives and uh, a manhattan with bulleit."

"Thank you." Addison muttered as the bartender nodded and went to make their drinks.

"So what does he do? Your, uh, husband." Derek said, looking at her with a mysterious and seductive glance that could slay her.

"He's a surgeon." Addison says, setting a challenge for him. She was clearly teasing him, getting on his nerves, knowing it would grow him savage for her.

"Oh yikes! That must suck." Derek said, receiving a nod from his wife, "No offense but, those guys are just so...they're the worst, so by the book."

"He is."

"You seem too free spirited to be with a surgeon."

She bit her bottom lip, "Yeah, perhaps I am."

"Yeah.I think you need more of a visionary." He teased.

"Really?"

"Mhmm."

"Why do you think that?" The redhead asks curiously, looking into his blue eyes.

"Oh, I just know. Judging by your mischievous smirk and bright eyes."

"Ha, funny." She looked down but couldn't keep her glance away from his eyes, "And what is it you do?" Addison said, surrendering on ignoring his bright beautiful eyes.

"I'm a lawyer." He says.

"Ahh."

"You can tell by the shirt, huh?" He chuckled softly.

Addison tucked a strand of hair away from her face and smiled in that sexy way she knew Derek would not be able to deal with, "Yeah… I always wanted to meet a lawyer."

"Interesting. Now that you have, what does it feel like?"

"It's good."

The bartender comes back with their drinks. Addison takes a sip of her manhattan as Derek drinks his martini. He has never been a martini guy and that's for sure, but he didn't dislike the drink.

They said 'cheers' mutually and sipped their drinks, not missing a moment from each other's bright eyes. He was hungry for food and her, but it was clearly obvious that their dinner reservation wasn't going to be accomplished.

"So nice to meet you." The black haired man said, kindly. Clearly making her horny judging by her expression.

"Oh you too." She said flirty, "What about you? Married?"

"No, no. I sadly never found the right woman." He said, running a hand through his curls.

Addison scoffed, "And you believe in that kind of thing?"

"To be honest, I don't know… I used to."

"Well I'm sure you have plenty of hot, elastic, beautiful young women throwing themselves at you. You're a handsome, sexy lawyer."

"You think I'm handsome?" His cocky grin made an appearance as he asked that.

"Maybe… I also said sexy, you could have asked about that too." Addison chuckled.

Derek thinks about this flirting situation for a minute, they're practically repeating each other's mistakes at each other, flirting with 'someone else', 'cheating'... but somehow they both take it as a hot joke and don't even bother to reminisce about their mistakes. What they could reminisce about is about the first years of their marriage and the dangerous behavior they had. Always ripping each other's clothes, surprising each other with things they could barely contain themselves. They always liked a good challenge.

"Well, yeah I might be all of that, but… I'm afraid the woman that I want is taken." He said.

"Doesn't that make it more fun?" Addison challenged.

There was something about her tone that turned him on in a whole different level, that kind of level he hadn't experienced in almost seven years.

"Only if you're willing to break the rules."

"Or the vows…" Addison says, seductively she grabbed his hand slowly and settled it on her own knee, moving it slightly upright her thigh, inhaling sharply as she felt his warm fingers on her.

"And um… will your husband know?" He said as he breathed deeply, looking down at the small exposure of her milky skin.

"He's too busy to notice. But, you know, I'm always trying to control myself. Sort of." Addison said, taking his hand off of her slowly, leaving him with desire.

"So, do you work?" He asked a few seconds after he composed himself from what she just did to him physically and physiologically.

"Oh yeah." Addison said, taking a sip of her drink, licking her lips after it.

"Really, what do you do?"

"I'm… I'm an architect."

"Oh wow, hawt."

"Yeah, not a famous one or anything… I should be because there's no much females on 'the building' business," The redhead said, clearly using her imagination.

He bit his lip and stared directly at her fingers playing with her necklace, "That's cool."

"I mostly built motels and bathrooms."

"That's just so… bizarre." He chuckles, making her laugh along.

She catches her breath after having a good laugh, "Yeah sure."

"That's really… really fucking hot."

"You think? You know everytime I come here they give me a really good room, spacious, big bed… In case you wanted to go… upstairs… talk."

"Uh, well…Can I get the check?" Derek said to the bartender as he walked closely by. The young man nodded and gave it to him.

"Oh I never did ask you your name." Derek said, knowing this would be one of the most exciting parts of their evening. One of the one hundred there were about to come.

"Pamela." She said, standing up from her seat.

"Ah, Pamela." He said, standing up with that cocky grin on his lips.

"I never asked yours either." Addison says drinking the rest of her drink quickly.

"Sebastian." He said, leaving money on the bar counter for the bartender to receive.

* * *

Addison pulls away from his lips and tries to catch her breath, "I love you." She said, trying to calm her panting. She ran a hand through his jawline, feeling his sweaty skin under her palm.

He reached to touch her cheek, caressing it with his thumb, smiling at her eyes and the powerful meaning of those three words, "I love you too." He murmured.

They were sitting in front of each other in the middle of the messy bed, the sheets were everywhere, so were the pillows and their clothes. Their sweaty bodies still in the mood for some more romance. She sat up a little more, and reached to touch both of his shoulders, rubbing them and adding pressure.

Derek let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. As Addison kept massaging him and looking into his deep blue eyes, he couldn't help but chuckle at how cute she looked like, "Turn around." Addison requested.

Derek did as told and turned around. She started to massage the back of his neck and shoulders again, making him moan in pleasure as her magical fingers kept working on his muscles. Addison leaned over and rested her chin on his shoulder, starting to massage his biceps. "I had a sexual fantasy the other night…" she whispered to his ear.

He smiled as her seductive words washed over him, "You did?"

"Yeah." She whispered against his ear again, bringing her hands from down his armpits to embrace him from behind, "I've always wanted to have sex with a british man."

"Really?" He asked a little surprised.

She chuckled, "The accent is so sexy." Addison said, kissing the side of his neck, slowly.

"_You _are so sexy," Derek said turning his head enough for him to capture her lips.

/

_pls review and let me know your thoughts!1 thanks for reading._


	10. Chapter 10

A few weeks had passed and things were going as fine as possible, except for the daily "I hate this trailer" complain from Addison. They would argue about it a couple of times and then he would apologize of she would apologize.

The 'trying to act like those young in love couples' seemed to be working. Going out to just take a walk, even Derek proposed to go swim in the lake near his land, which they agreed to do but Addison couldn't bring herself to even touch the water.

He had been genuinely happy around her or _ever _since he came to Seattle. Derek had started to see her sparkle again, her bright self in many different ways. He holds her close at night just as he did when their marriage was healthy all those years ago.

After a long shift and a couple of drinks at Joe's over conversation with Burke, the Shepherds arrive their small metallic place. Derek gets ready for her to complain again and wishes he could take his ears off, and Addison is ready to complain about the trailer. As usual she mutters an "I hate this trailer" when they approach such, and Derek rolls his eyes. She opens the door to it and Doc jumps toward his owners.

"Doc!" Addison shouted, surprised by the canine. "Derek could you… calm him down?" Addison asked as the dog kept on jumping against her legs, clearly excited of having her home.

Derek took Doc by the collar and pulled him away. Surprisingly the beast understood the point. "I'll go take him for a walk." Derek announced, grabbing Doc's leash from the kitchen counter.

"Okay", she nodded at her husband and walked towards the bedroom.

As soon as he had left the trailer, he dialed a number on his phone and looked back to the trailer making sure he wasn't being watched by his spouse. As the other voice joined the call he took a deep breath, relieved there was an answer.

…

Addison sat down on the bed and started removing her clothes, after that she took a short shower and put on some fresh pajamas, she got inside bed and as soon as she was getting sleepy, her phone started beeping. Unknown number.

She answered the call anyway, "Doctor Addison Shepherd."

"Addie! Still Shepherd?" Her older brother's voice made her feel surprised and confused. Archer only called when he needed a favor or was in trouble.

She scoffed, "Archie? What do you want?"

"Why do you always assume I want something?" The male voice asked through the phone. "I've been good too." His sarcastic voice added.

She rolled her eyes, "You never call unless you want something, you're in trouble or when you feel lonely… which I don't think you are because there's always a pair of young women following you around." Addison said, sitting up in bed, "Come on, spit it out."

"Fine." Archer sighed, "I need the Hamptons house."

"For what."

"To stay at during the weekend."

"Archer, you can pay whichever expensive hotel you want in the Hamptons, you certainly do not need my house."

"Fine… Agh, Bizzy wants to go and see if the property is good for business."

"What?!" She exclaimed, anger growing within her.

"She said that now that you and Derek are having problems and you guys are probably having a divorce anytime now, she would want to see the house and then convince you to sell it." Archer said.

Addison scoffed sharply, "You have got to be kidding! For God's sakes, Archer. After all these years you're still Mama's boy? I can't believe it." She laughs sarcastically and runs a hand through her hair.

"I so not am Mama's boy." He says, defensive.

She inhales sharply and says; "I'm just so upset that everytime I hear from you is for your own benefit!" Addison said angrily.

"That is not true!"

"You don't even remember my birthday." The redhead stated as a valid argument.

He laughed, "I do remember it!"

"You do?! When is it?" She asked, standing up from the bed and walking out of the bedroom towards the kitchen, she was going to need a drink after this call was over.

"September 11th?"

"Not even close, Archer." She said as she grabbed a glass from a cabinet.

An uncomfortable silence followed as Addison poured herself a glass of bourbon and took a sip of it. The silence was killed by Archer speaking again; "Is this a 'no' on the Hamptons thing…?"

"Do you really have to ask?" Addison said angrily.

"Bizzy's not gonna be happy." His annoyed tone responded.

Addison took another sip of her drink and took a deep breath, "Well, maybe she might even think about calling me herself instead of using you as her minion."

"You are mean."

"Good Night, Archer." She said and hang up the call.

Leaving her phone on the small kitchen counter, she proceeded to take another sip from her drink and start thinking about the conversation she had had. Addison knew her mother wouldn't take no for an answer and would show up at their summer house anyway just to take a peek. That's when the idea pops in her head.

But suddenly her thoughts were interrupted because Derek opened the door to the trailer, revealing an exhausted him and a perky dog. "Had a nice walk, Doc?" Addison asked friendly to the furry canine who was now jumping against her legs, hoping to be caressed.

"Doc, cut it off." Derek said, taking him by the collar, expecting the dog to not bother his redhead wife.

"Want a drink?" Addison asked nicely, trying not to think about how annoyed she was because of the 'Bizzy situation' going on.

He smiled at her, "Sure."

Addison nodded and poured him a drink. Her face had went from perky as much as Doc was to a stressed expression. "So… we have the weekend off." She said, handing him his drink.

He took it from her and nodded, "We do." He said, sipping his liquor.

"Any important surgeries on Monday?" Addison asked sipping her own drink.

Derek frowned at her, "Nothing _that_ important until Wednesday. What are you up to?" He asked, seeing the expression on his wife's face, something was going on.

"We need to go to the Hamptons." She spilled.

Derek looked surprised. The Hamptons was certainly not his favorite place and Addison suddenly saying such thing considering where they were standing in their relationship was just odd.

"Look, Addie, I get that it's been a stressful week, but why taking a trip to the other side of the country just for a weekend? What's going on?"

"It's our house, why can't we go? We used to visit it often when we lived in New York!"

"Exactly, _lived_." He echoed for emphasis.

She rolled her eyes, "Fine!"

Derek sighed and drunk the last of his drink quickly, afterwards leaving the glass on the sink, "Addie, what's wrong?"

Addison was clearly upset and she knew Derek could see it, so she just exploded; "I hate my mother, ok?! I hate Bizzy. I just… I can't believe that she doesn't even have faith in me, not even the very less. Nothing." She says, doing gestures with her hands as she usually does when she explains something.

"What happened?" He asked, taking a step closer to his wife.

"Archer called. Bizzy thinks our Hamptons house would be great material for business."

"Well, it's ours, which means it's still mine and she hasn't asked me." Derek shrugged.

"That's the thing! Apparently she's convinced we will get a divorce and then she will be able to just convince me in a much easier way because I would be vulnerable and depressed."

"Yeah, but we're not getting a divorce, so you should call Bizzy and explain it to her: We are together again and we want to stay that way." He said, taking her by both upper arms and looking straight into her stressed and emotional eyes.

The redhead sighed and looked down, "Agh, I can't help it, Derek! I just can't. She just…"

"I know." He cut her off, embracing her, letting her head rest against his chest as his arms kept her closer to him.

Addison closed her eyes for a moment, "Come on, say yes… Let's go." She started begging again, the anxiety of her mother somehow controlling her in a way kept on growing. She looked up to her husband.

He smiled at her and kissed her nose, "Nope," Derek said, letting go of his wife and walking into the bedroom.

"Come on! It would be great. You can fish… I can keep my nerves calmed somehow after telling my mother not to be a bother ever again… We could even have pizza at that place we used to like!"

"Don't you ever play with something as serious as Francesca's pizza."

She rested both hands against her hips and met his gaze, "I would never play with such thing and you know it."

"You are evil." He said, letting out a long surrender sigh.

"Is that a yes?" Addison asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Fine." He rolled his eyes, letting her win.

She giggled happy of being able to convince her husband, "Thank you!" She said, walking towards him, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Addison said thankfully, smiling and kissing Derek's face. "Thank you." She said softly after a little while.

If this trip was going to help Addison's anxiety and mommy issues, then he was going to go.

Which he didn't know was that he was going to be woken up by Fleetwood Mac songs and an stressed Addison packing their bags. As soon as his eyes adjusted to the light of the morning and Doc licking his cheek, that's when he saw her there: In her underwear, trying to figure out what to take to their Hamptons house.

"Addison?" He said groggily, rubbing his eyes and sitting up in bed. She looked up and met his sleepy gaze, her smile brighten up.

"Morning," She said nicely, putting on some jeans.

He yawned, running a hand through his hair, "You already took a shower?! How come I didn't hear the water running?" He said surprised as he kept on looking at his gorgeous wife.

She chuckled, "You were tired, that's why." Addison reasoned, "Already booked the plane tickets, told Richard we were getting away for the weekend and he seemed okay with it based on his perky tone, so… the only thing left is leaving Doc at Grey's house and you need to shower and dress up." The redhead said in record time.

He blinked, "Why is Doc staying at Meredith's house?"

Addison sigued, "Because I called her and asked her. She said, as I recall, 'I would love to take care of him.'" Addison said, picking up a blouse from her side of the bed, starting to put it on slowly, trying not to cause any wrinkles.

Even if for Derek the image of his wife putting on a blouse slowly was a perfect picture, he was thinking about Meredith and the vet. He had known they had a thing going on since the last time he went to the vet with Doc. He never told Addison about it, not because he was afraid of causing any jealousy if he spoke about Meredith, but because he wanted to ignore it.

He stood up and went to the bathroom, he washed his face and took a deep breath. He didn't want to see Meredith. Worst of all Addison might have explained that they were going on a trip out of town, maybe that had affected the intern somehow. What the hell was he thinking about anyway?! He was married. He had a wife; a really loving, beautiful, kind, intelligent, hot wife.

Things were going okay between him and Addison, why did he have to start to think about his former fling?! He just hoped Addison wasn't going to suddenly read his mind and get upset.

"Derek, honey? Are you gonna take long in there? I need to brush my teeth.." Addison shouted, not actually needing to raise her voice that much, considering the trailer wasn't big at all.

_Did you just call me honey? Don't call me honey._

He had to do the right thing, after all Meredith was just a drug, and Addison was his medicine. The intern never conquered anything but his penis and the redhead woman had conquered his whole life.

"No." He said, opening the door, coming out of the bathroom and pecking her lips as she walked towards the bathroom.

…

After he finished his shower, he found the trailer impeccable. Addison had chosen an outfit for him and she had made the bed, she wasn't home and neither was Doc, so the only other place she could be at was on her way to Meredith's house.

And he was right, because next to his prepared outfit, there was a note, '_I went to drop Doc at Meredith's. Be back soon!', _He smiled at the way she had drawn a little heart at the end of the note and started to get dressed.

Addison clearly did not approve flannel shirts, but apparently she had started to accept them over the time, because she had chosen a pair of jeans and a navy blue flannel shirt.

…

Before they knew it, they were parking outside of their Hamptons house. A tired Addison and a growing headache Derek both thanked the taxi driver and started taking their luggage out of the car.

It was weird to enter their house and realize how familiar it felt to be inside it. It smelled the same and was as stunning as always. The sunset gave a good lightning as they walked inside the place. Addison had kept on paying the woman who cleaned the house once per month, and luckily she had been there last week.

A part of Addison hated herself for insisting on making this trip, considering that it held memories of a life before Meredith and Mark. It wasn't as worse as getting inside the brownstone, but it did feel odd and a little melancholy.

"I'm exhausted." The redhead said, leaving her luggage next to the couch of the living room, flopping on the couch.

She was already jetlagged and needed to sleep. Addison wasn't one of those people who would sleep in a plane. "You should have slept in the plane." Derek nagged her, flopping next to her on the couch.

She sighed, "Let me be, Derek." Addison said, running a hand through her curls and closing her eyes, taking a deep breath. "Do you think it was… _passive agressive _of me to just… fly to the other end of the country and drag you with me just to prevent my mother of doing something nonsense?" She asked, getting closer to her husband, resting her head against his shoulder, eyes still shut.

"It kind of is, but we also came for the pizza." He said, a little excited about that.

Addison looked up to her husband, "You rather come here because of a restaurant instead of me?" She asked, jokingly, with a fake hurt voice.

"No… I mean… both?" He chuckled.

She got closer to him and kissed his lips. He parted his lips so she could keep going but she stopped and held up her index finger, "Francesca's pizza or me? Make a choice." She said with a cocky grin.

After a small silence he grinned at her and said in a slow and warm tone; "You. It's always been you." He said, his blue eyes shining as hers did too. Somehow that sentence meant a lot, and they both knew it. And with that, he kissed her lips and as the day disappeared and the night joined them, they kept on snuggling on the couch, making out once in a while, laughing at each other's cuteness.

Before any one of them would fall asleep, Derek suggested going to bed.

After changing into pajamas and climbing into bed, he fell asleep as soon as his eyes shut and his head touched the pillow. But for Addison things were going completely different. Her thoughts were so loud that she couldn't even shut her eyes. The moonlight filled the room with a little of lightning and she kept looking at the ceiling, wondering how her husband could sleep so deeply.

"Derek." She said sharply, expecting his peaceful asleep body to react to the sound of her voice. It didn't, so she tried again, "Derek!"

He started mumbling something as his body reacted to her voice. "What is it, Addison?" He asked, sleepy.

She sighed, "Do you think I'd be a bad mother? Like… would I become Bizzy? Would I be a controlive arrogant bitch to my hypothetical children?" Addison let out, a little frustrated at the thought.

They had discussed kids after a year of dating, and they both said they wanted a family, but just weren't ready for it yet. And they 'weren't for it yet' for the next eleven years and counting. The desire of a family was there, but their careers were also there and more present than ever.

"You woke me up to talk about hypothetical children?" He scoffed, sitting up in bed, getting comfortable as he watched her eyes glimpse with a little bit of sadness and her facial expressions demonstrated a pouty face. "Addie… you would be nothing like your mother." Derek said, landing a hand on her shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze.

"You don't sound too convinced."

"I am! Look, I'm sure you would be there for them on a daily basis, you would play with them, attend their special events, help them when they have to study, you would even quit smoking!"

"I don't smoke."

"Well, you would quit the hypothetical smoking for the hypothetical kids, wouldn't you?" He teased her, which made her giggle.

"Yes I would do that for them."

"See? Your mother couldn't even quit being an 'arrogant bitch'" he said, quoting her own words from before.

She smiled and got closer to him, snuggling as closer as possible, their feet touching and their noses inches apart. "Thank you." She said, pecking his lips.

"Me too." He said, smiling at her. But then he said, "Will they always be hypothetical?"

"I don't think I'll start smoking anytime soon, Derek."

"The kids. I meant the kids."

She gasped, surprised by the question. "We never discussed that before."

"Well, maybe that influenced the crumbling of our marriage."

"So did your workaholic behavior."

"Just don't say another word before we start a fight we don't want to have."

"Fine."

"You didn't answer the question."

"I wouldn't want them to keep being hypothetical at some point."

"You wouldn't?"

"No. Would you?"

"I wouldn't want them to keep being hypothetical either." He smiled at her, kissing the top of her nose, "Let's go to sleep, alright? You have a long day tomorrow looking through the windows in case your mother decides to make an appearance." He chuckled.

She rolled her eyes, "It's not funny, Derek."

"I'm sorry… let's sleep, shall we?"

Addison proceed to lay her head on his chest and caress his naked abdomen, closing her eyes and hearing his heartbeat. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." He said.

…..

_i know this is super short and i hate myself for it but currently working on future updates._

_i apologize for the typos and i send u all love, hopefully you are all taking your social distance and healthy! get your flu vaccines! and review so i can get encouraged to keep writing this crappy fanfic :)_


	11. Chapter 11

After a psychotic weekend at The Hamptons and various weeks of Addison and Derek becoming some kind of passive workaholic theme, things could _totally_ get more interesting.

The whole 'hypothetical children' chat made them feel a little strange but they were getting through it.

"Christ." She murmurs as she ends vomiting for the second time today. Addison shuts her eyes closed, taking a deep breath, waiting in case there's something left to throw up.

Apparently there is not, finally. When she's ready and done vomiting, she exits the bathroom she's been locked in, she sees herself in the mirror. She's pale. She looks like a ghost, and not a pretty one.

What she also sees through the mirror is Miranda Bailey staring at her, concern in her expression.

"Is everything okay, Doctor Shepherd?" Miranda asks, as she washes her hands. A concerned look making the redhead uncomfortable.

Addison nods, "Yeah, I'm okay. Thank you for asking Doctor Bailey." Addison says politely, walking closer so she can wash her hands and clean her mouth. She feels embarrassed as she notices Miranda staring.

"I don't think you are." The resident says, taking a paper towel and drying her hands. "You don't look so fine."

"It's probably just food poisoning." Addison says, taking a paper towel too, cleaning away any rests from her vomiting from her pink lips and proceed to smile just a little at the resident.

MIranda frowned and stepped closer to the redhead, "Stick your tongue out." the resident ordered.

"Excuse me?" Addison asked surprised, tucking a strand of hair away from her face,

"You heard me." Bailey said, both hands on her hips, waiting for the redhead to do as told.

As idiotic as it seems, she did stick her tongue out for Bailey to look at. Miranda stares and makes a face. "You're not that much dehydrated. At least not yet. Since when have you been like this?"

"The nausea started last night when Derek brought the trout inside the trailer. Ugh, even the thought of it makes me nauseous."

Ah, that too. There were complains about the trout still and that was one of their main problems at the moment.

"Well, did you eat any trout?"

"Hell no." Addison said, shaking her head.

"Are you sore? Have you experienced any-"

The redhead decided to cut off the resident, "Miranda, I'm and OB and a double board certified neonatal surgeon; I know how these things work. I'm definitely not…" Addison says making a gesture towards her stomach, "that."

It had been four weeks since the Hamptons weekend, exactly four weeks since they talked about the 'hypothetical' children. The problem was that maybe it wasn't going to stay hypothetical for long.

Somehow the redhead manages to exit the ladies restroom with no longer questions coming from the resident. Addison went to the attendings lounge and searched for a toothbrush on her purse. She had started to become a dental care addict since they're second year of marriage, when Derek had to get rid of his wisdom teeth. He assured her many times that the wisdom teeth had nothing to do with cleaning or not your teeth after every meal, and she knew this too, but seeing him suffering like that after the surgery made her obsessed about having a good dental care.

She went into the ladies restroom again and brushed her teeth and tongue, hopefully she would get rid of the taste of vomit.

After this she went to get prepped for her next surgery. It was a simple C-section and she just had to make it through it without throwing up the rest of her stomach contents. Derek would nag her and tell her to pass the surgery to someone else, and he would insist for her to take some rest, but Addison is stubborn, so she's going to try her best to remain in a good mood and without any kind of sick faces through the day.

Now, standing in the OR ready to start, she smiles at her patient underneath her mask and assures her things will go as well as possible. Suddenly the doors of the OR open and Richard comes in. "Chief? What are you doing here?" Addison asked, surprised to see him here. She was hopeful Bailey didn't say a word about her horrible morning.

"Well, since today I'm going to be seeing the surgeries of my best surgeons." He said in what seemed to be a cheerful tone.

Addison sighed and smiled under her mask, "And you start with me because you know I'll make everyone else look lousy?" She chuckles.

"Sort of… except that they're all pretty much not cutting at the moment." He chuckled back.

"How come?" Addison asked, knowing Derek had surgeries scheduled for today.

Richard nodded his head, "Well, they do have surgeries, but you're the only one who allowed interns inside today." He said, gesturing to Karev by her side.

The insolent intern rolled his eyes.

"Okay, well… let's get started." Addison said. She took the ten blade and when she was about to cut she felt nauseous again. She stepped back and took a deep breath, closing her eyes, hoping she didn't have to rush out of the OR at this exact moment, because 1/ it would be incredibly unprofessional, and 2/ she wasn't in the mood to keep vomiting.

"Everything alright Doctor MOntgomery?" Sheila asked from the table. She was already afraid and was concerned as to why her surgeon backed from her.

Addison nodded, "Yeah." She shut her eyes, feeling how the nausea started to go away slowly, "I'm sorry, I just felt a little dizzy that's all."

And she wasn't lying.

The surgery went marvellous and as she left the OR walking next to Richard Webber who seemed happy about how the procedure went. "Well, I know you must hear this a lot but you were great inside of there."

She nodded, "Thanks Richard" Addison said happily to hear that, taking off her scrub cap.

"You felt dizzy earlier, feeling alright now?"

"Yeah, It was just a minute."

"Maybe you should take your blood pressure, Addie." He suggested.

She chuckled, knowing he was being nice and all, "It's fine Richard, it was nothing. I swear."

Later that night she entered the trailer and kicked off her heels, Derek confused as he watched his wife literally drop her stuff to the floor. She tossed her purse and coat to the floor, and after a few seconds she started to unbutton her blouse and unzip her skirt.

"Hey, I get you're happy to see me, but chill." Derek teased her.

Apparently she didn't even notice he was staring at her.

"Jesus Christ." She exclaimed.

"Addie my jeep is outside you would have known I was in here."

"I knew, I just didn't expect you to talk." She chuckled, grabbing her items from the floor and toss them on the couch, she sighed exhausted, happy to be out of her clothes and uncomfortable shoes. "Where's Doc?"

"Sleeping inside of the shower."

"What?"

"I don't know, he got in there and he won't come out of it." He laughed, watching his wife approach to the bed. Her hair was into a messy bun and her curves looking magnificent as always. "You look pretty today." He complimented as she flopped in bed next to him. "Hard day?"

She nodded, closing her eyes, "I'm tired." She said.

He got closer to her and touched her knee, slowly going up her thigh.

She chuckled, opening her eyes, she pecked his lips and removed his hand from he thigh, "Not today."

He pouted and she caressed his cheek with her thumb, "Sorry, I'm just really tired today. Can you kick Doc out of the shower?" Addison said sweetly, grabbing his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze, hoping he would do so. "Please." She practically begged.

He kissed her forehead, "Fine."

Derek stood up and successfully made Doc get out of the shower, Addison saw how the dog walked to the kitchen and flopped next to the fridge. "He's odd today." Addison said standing up.

"Yeah, he's acting weird lately." Derek says.

"Maybe he knows we're moving," She teased knowing that he wasn't going to give up the trailer.

He snorted and watched as she started to get her underwear off. Her pale skin was incredibly gorgeous and the way her hair was now falling onto her perfect shoulders and collarbone, was extremely beautiful. It was hard not to watch, but her curious blue-greenish eyes made him realized she had noticed him staring.

"Derek, no." Addison said, getting inside the mini shower to get the water started. She obviously meant that they weren't having sex tonight. She was truly exhausted and was trying to ignore the fact that her body's behaviour was strange.

"I heard Richard talk about you today…"

That surprised her, so she stood in there, naked, looking at him confused. Her alarmed blushed cheeks were getting redder and redder, "Really?"

"Yeah, you've always been his favorite." Derek rolled his eyes, but still walked towards his wife and kissed her cheek softly.

Addison knew what was coming next after that kiss on the cheek, because suddenly his lips touched behind her earlobe and trailed down to the curve of her shoulder and neck. She gasped as he kept sucking her sensitive skin and his fingers started to linger around her sides. "Derek…" She mumbled, begging for mercy. She wanted to take a shower and go to sleep, she wanted to take this day to an end and think that things were going to be just okay after today.

"You know I can't resist you." He whispered to her ear, a hand on her back, caressing her milky white skin with his thumb. Derek looked into her eyes and smiled shyly as her eyes started to grow with desire and lust.

Their moment was interrupted by one of their pagers sounding. Addison thanked whoever needed his husband right about now, because she was afraid she wasn't going to be able to deal with her husband sexiness. "Dammit." He muttered, getting up from bed and checking his pager. "911, I gotta go." He said, pecking her lips and grabbed his shoes from the floor. Thank God he hadn't changed his clothes yet.

"Good luck, drive safe." She said, folding her arms over her chest, seeing him as he got his shoes on.

"I will. Love you." He said taking his keys and phone, taking a second to smile at his wife.

"Love you!" She yelled as he exited the trailer.

Addison sat on the bed after a long warm shower. She was wearing her light green robe as she sat in bed and rested her damp hair against the pillows, sighing heavily. Addison turned to her side and ran a hand through her hair. According by the hour difference it was one in the morning in New York, but she had no choice to call.

So she grabbed her phone and dialed the familiar number, "Hey!" She said happily as the manly voice at the other end greeted.

"I'm surprised to hear from you." Weiss said on the phone, his tone sounded happy too.

She chuckled, "Who knew moving to a rainy place would make me disappear, huh?" She joked, "What's Sav doing that you had to answer the phone?"

"She's cooking dinner." Weiss sad, letting out a small chuckle.

"Weiss it's one in the morning over there."

"We're not exactly in New York…"

"Where are you?" Addison asks curious.

"We're in San Francisco, for a trial. I mean, it's my trial and Savvy needed time off the office so…" He chuckled.

"So… she's cooking." Addie said, disappointed this meant she wasn't having the chat she needed to have.

Weiss sighed, "I can give her the phone if you want."

"No, no… I don't want to disturb. Just tell her to call me tomorrow." She said, trying not to sound too sad.

"Okay I will. And Addie, for the record, you're not a bother at all." Weiss said nicely.

"Thank you. Love you guys, bye!" Addison said before ending the call and flopping in bed once again.

Flopping in bed once again, she brought her hand to rest on her belly and muttered to herself, "Maybe it's a false alarm. Maybe Richard is right and my blood pressure is low!"

She laughed at herself, "I'm nuts, Doc!" She yelled to their dog as the creature found a comfortable spot next to her legs, "I'm nuts and I'm talking to a dog." She said, rubbing her forehead slightly, not sure what to do with her life. "Damn hypothetical children." She mumbled.

When she had gotten pregnant with Mark's baby she didn't feel sick, she actually didn't feel a thing, she was fine and that was mostly why she didn't realize she was pregnant at first, but when she checked her calender she just knew. She just knew she had made another horrible mistake and she was willing to do whatever it took to come back to what her life used to be.

However, things never end up the way they are planned.

She kept walking around the trailer or… large room. Whatever it was, she just kept walking around, trying to figure out a way to just know. They were having frequent intercourse and she was aware she did forget her pills a couple of times and she was two days late now, but still it could be stress or a low blood pressure.

She sighed and stood still for a couple of seconds, "Dammit." She muttered as her nausea suddenly increased and obligated her to get inside of the bathroom as soon as possible.

After a long night of crappy sleep and issues going through their minds, somehow they both survive it and start the day as positive as they can. He had to sleep in an on call room last night after saving a little girl from a complicated brain bleed… well that happens when you don't watch your kids for a minute and they fall down the stairs, right?

On the other hand, Addison arrived earlier than ever at work and proceed to spend twenty minutes in the attendings lounge bathroom barfing the hell out of her. After that she had to deal with using her makeup skills to cover her eye bags. She was exhausted and didn't know what to do or say. Currently her life was some sort of not so amusing roller coaster and all she ever wanted was to feel safe and not anxious at all.

She wanted to finally convince Derek to move out of that trash can they have been living in and just find out what on earth was happening to her body. The hypothetical children talk kept flashing on her thoughts and she just wanted them away, she needed to slow down and just relax for a minute.

She excited the bathroom and found her spouse changing into fresh scrubs, "Morning Doctor Shepherd," She greeted, walking closer to him. He smiled slightly at her, and kissed her cheek as she sat next to him. He probably had just arrived so he did not hear her throwing up her stomach contents.

"Good morning." He greeted back, putting on his scrub top, "Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah, did you? On call rooms are not as good as your mattress."

"Trailer arguing, really Addison? This early?" He teased.

She rolled her eyes, "Sorry."

"You know what, why don't you call that realtor Callie told you about?"

"Really?!" She almost jumped in surprise, "Please don't joke about something like this."

"I'm not. Maybe we should rent a condo and I can get started on building a lake house as I've always wanted."

"Oh my god, yes! I'd love that. I'd really, really love that." She exclaimed happily, grabbing both sides of his face and kissing his perfect lips to seal the fact that they were moving.

He chuckled as Addison finally pulled away, "I love it when you're all perky and fabulous."

"I might not always be perky, but I am _always _fabulous." She winked at him and then excited the attendings lounge, leaving a perky Derek behind.

That she was: Fabulous.

God, he had a fabulous wife and a fabulous life and a fabulous job. They even had fabulous hypothetical children and hypothetical vices. A clearing throat sound made him react from his thoughts to watch Preston Burke staring at him questionaly, "Is Addison okay?"

"She's fabulous." Derek said, not helping the smile forming on his lips as he remembered his _fabulous_ wife sitting next to him being her _fabulous_ self. "Why are you asking?"

"I don't know, she was just weird today and this morning she seemed like she hadn't slept in weeks."

"Of course not, she looked great."

"Makeup skills can be wonders, you know that right?" Burke grinned a little as he started to get ready for his hard-working routine.

As Derek excited the attendings lounge, he couldn't help but wonder if he had missed something. Maybe something was wrong, maybe he was being indifferent again and he couldn't realize it yet… maybe everything was crumbling down again. His fears started to increase as he walked to the first case of the day. Ex wife and Ex husband both stuck in a bedroom having to deal with their baby girl, the case he had to practically fly to the hospital for last night.

They had a perfect daughter and couldn't stop arguing, even if Derek would be there, standing, they would just keep yelling at each other for stuff that was nobody's fault.

He didn't want that again. Being the couple that yells and hates each other even if deeply they care for each other but their problems seem to stand up in the surface as the love and affection seemed to fade away slowly.

He didn't want that for Addison and him, they both deserved a better chance after all that had been happening between them. He had been trying, right? He had been there when her childhood trauma made her anxious, he had been there when she spilled all her dark secrets and cried on his shoulder. And now he was going to be there for her to help him be a better husband.

Nobody likes the too-cute-nauseating couple. Specially when they both are just perfect in their own individual ways. The intelligence was one thing, but the beauty was sometimes superior for the fooled minds, wasn't it? Not to mention the amounts of chemistry they radiated for each other, it was truly nauseating, so nauseating that she had to abandon her patient and her husband to quickly throw up again and come back as new as she could look like.

Phil and Sophie had a T.T.T.S. case in their hands and Addison was the one in charge to explain the procedure, but her changing body _had_ to interrupt the whole thing. Phil and Sophie were that kind of couple that as Addison would describe: had a young love that never seemed to deflourish.

After leaving Sophie's room she entered a supply closet and decided it was time to take the bandaid off, just suck it up and accept the hypothetical children might just not be hypothetical ever again. Was she afraid of getting pregnant? A little. Well, actually it terrified her. The last time it wasn't with the right man and the ending of it wasn't as nice as she had wanted it to be… what if this was another of those cases? What if her uterus just couldn't do it? What if there was a problem with this one too if there was a 'this one'?!

She walked to the back of the supply closet and found the pregnancy tests box. Sadly and surprisingly they were all closed, so her clumsy hands (outside the OR only, of course) had to do the job of ripping the delicate box and causing all the pregnancy tests to fall on the floor. "Dammit!" She hissed. She started to grab them all from the floor and afterwards someone else joined. At first she hadn't noticed the blue navy scrubs and thought a nurse had probably heard her and come in to help, but no, Preston Burke was next to her grabbing pregnancy tests from the supply closet floor.

"Geez, Preston you scared me." Addison chuckled nervously.

"You feel dizzy, you vomit, you spill all these pregnancy tests to the floor and you seem upset about something, so, is it what I think it is?"

"You heard me in the attendings lounge, didn't you?" She sighed, quitting to stay quiet about her current situation.

"No, I actually saw you rush out of a consult to barf." He said sincerely, still helping to put the last of the tests on the almost too damaged box. "You seemed to have lost your color after you left that bathroom."

"Do you think Derek knows? Am I too obvious?!"

"Well, if you keep escaping consults to throw up, then yeah, you're pretty obvious."

"First of all, It wasn't a consult, it's an important case and I care for my patient and I feel pathetic and completely against nature at the moment." Addison said, leaving the box on the same shelve where she had found it.

Preston reached for it and took a test out of it, "You might need one of these." He chuckled a little, "And Congratulations, Addison." Preston smiled at her.

She smiled shyly at him,"Thanks…" She said, not sure what to think about this situation. She saved the tests on her pocket and watched him leave the supply closet.

…..

_not going to lie, i'm proud of this chapter._

_pls review and lemme know whatcha think!_

_luv ya all!_


	12. Chapter 12

_guess who's back…_

A blue plus sign and her blue eyes starting to tear up. She closed her eyes to blink back the tears that had threatened to escape her eyes. She thought she wasn't going to break down about this, she thought she could keep herself strong and just toss the test afterwards, but right now she was shaking and her heartfelt warmer than ever. It was some sort of warmth that she had never experienced. And instead of tossing away that pregnancy test she held on it tightly, shaking a little.

How on earth was she supposed to tell her perfect husband?

After her shift ended and noticed her husband was still inside the OR, she left without him, trying to figure out a way to tell him, a way to calm down.

"Hey! Weiss told me you had called. I'm sorry I couldn't pick up." Savvy said as Addison picked up the call. The redhead's features were assaulted by happiness at the sound of her best friend's voice. "All okay back there, Addie? Is Derek behaving or do we have to take a plane to kick his ass?"

Addison chuckled, "He's been a good boy."

"Good to know, if anything changes, I'm one phone call away."

"Actually something changed." Addison said, taking a deep breath. The pouring rain outside obligated her to have to stand inside of this almost claustrophobic tomato soup can. "We're… we're moving!" She decided to communicated, instead of the true reason why she had called last night.

Savvy did a squeaky sound and then spoke, "That's great Addie! You will finally be able to send all your clothes to Seattle, right?! This is why you were calling? In case I could send some of your stuff?" Savvy asked.

Addison shook her head, "Um, no. But thanks for the tip, I'll keep it in mind." The redhead chuckled slightly, "I have something else to tell you, which terrifies me and I can't bring myself to tell Derek…"

"Addie, what is it?" Savvy's concerned voice spoke.

Addison let out a breath, "I told him everything. The pills, the miscarriage, everything… and now… now I'm scared of having to give him more hurtful news, because what if things end up like they did last time?! I denied for a full checkup after the miscarriage, maybe my womb can't deal with another human being besides myself!"

"Addison, slow the hell down. Don't get upset, just breathe. Come on, air in, air out." Savannah instructed her.

Addison did as told three times and then fell silent, "So you and Derek are going to have a baby, huh?" Savvy's happy voice cheered at the other end of the line.

Addison smiled, and even if she was worried and didn't know how to tell her husband that the word 'hypothetical' didn't belong to their inside joke anymore, she was afraid and concerned for her health and marriage. What if he wasn't that sure after they had discussed it back when they were at The Hamptons? What if it was just a silly thought that had crossed his mind.

"We are." Addison replied, sensing the emotion and happiness in her own voice.

She was sort of content even if her worries haunted her, she had always wanted a baby with Derek and their chance could be now.

"Congratulations!" The blonde woman said, "You and Derek will be great parents. When are you due?!"

"June 21st. Father's day."

"No way! That is so cute."

"Is Weiss with you?" Addison changed the theme.

"He is but he's out in the balcony talking about business on the phone. Should I tell him the news or wait for an update from you?"

"We both know you will tell him anyway, but if you can keep your mouth shut until another update, would be great. I want Derek to hear it from me."

"Alright. I'm happy for you Addie, and don't worry too much, just chill a little. Be more optimistic."

"It's funny how I married an optimist and I'm such a pessimist." Addison scoffed,

"It is! Well, I've got to go, but I'll be waiting for that update." Savvy said.

After the call was over, Addison proceed to drink some water, thinking it would help her nervous state of mind, even if she knew she could handle the situation, she did not feel capable of doing it right now. She was probably around six weeks or so judging by her symptoms, so that meant their baby was conceived by 'Sebastian and Pamela'.

She groaned as Derek's jeep lights got closer to their metal dream house.

Addison had to keep her hands busy so she decided to go find a towel, knowing her husband was going to be damp because of the rain. And then he was inside of the trailer and she was handing him the towel. "Oh Thanks! Hey, I talked to the realtor."

"You did?"

"I found an apartment near the hospital, I think you're gonna like it." He smiled warmly at her.

She showed no emotion, just nodded. "Everything alright?" He asked her, drying his hair with the towel.

"I'm okay." She almost whispered, feeling her stomach in knots as she watched him still drying his hair, her expression serious. "How… how was your day?" She asked after couple of muted seconds.

He took off his jacket and turned around to leave the towel where it belonged, "It was good! My current patients are improving so that must mean I did something right." He joked and then turned around to stare at her for a minute. Normally she would have laughed, but she didn't. She didn't even move a muscle, she was there, standing and looking at him like a scared puppy. "Addie, what happened?"

"You know how we have always made fun of people who have been born during a holiday and the attention would sadly be directed at the holiday instead of the birthday…"

"Yeah. What does that have to do with you?"

"Ah, um… You'll have to share father's day." She looked at him, expecting a reaction from him.

"What- I don't- What?!" He was confused at first, he took a step forward towards her. His face showed amusement.

"It's a crappy announcement, I know. I'm sorry! I didn't know what else to say and when I calculated it marked June 21st and that's father's day so that means we'll have to pay attention to the birthday and not the holiday and I just…"

"Addison, you're rambling." He stopped her from talking, his hands on both sides of her face as a smile started to grow on both of their faces.

"Congratulations?" She murmured, letting out a small chuckle.

He giggled and kissed her lips, after pulling away he embraced her and kissed her temple as their arms were wrapped around each other, "I knew they wouldn't stay hypothetical forever."

"Chill, daddy. For now it's just an _it_. Not a _they_." She whispered, happy to have him here, happy and not letting go of her.

After several minutes of squeezing his wife on his arms, he pulled a way kissed her stomach, "I already love _it_." Derek said.

She smiled and cupped his jaw, "Me too."

"How many weeks?"

"Six or so…"

"Oh god… do you think it was at the-"

"Definitely." She chuckled, remembering their roleplay exactly six weeks ago.

"Ah! Addie, we're gonna be parents!" He exclaimed, still not over the fact that his wife was now carrying a baby half him and half her.

She smiled spontaneously, "We are!"

He got closer to her and captured his lips with hers, as the way to celebrate. She parted her lips so he could enter his tongue inside her mouth, and he did and deepened the kiss. It was slow but meaningful and soft. She moaned as he kept on kissing her.

He pulled away and struggled with catching his breath, "I love you."

"I love you." She repeated, caressing his cheek with her thumb, "Our no-longer-hypothetical child will have the best dad ever."

"And the best mom too." He said, pushing her for another hug, still not believing how euphoric his heart had turned. Suddenly she was being lifted from the floor and he was carrying her like a bride, just like eleven years ago.

"Derek! What are you doing?! Let me down!" She protested, kicking as he kept on walking her towards their very, very, very small bedroom. He laid her on bed and attached her with kisses everywhere, her cheeks, her nose, her eyelids, her chin, her lips, her forehead, her temples, her ears… "Derek!" She exclaimed as she laughed, a bark from Doc encouraging Derek to continue on tickling and kissing his wife.

He grabbed both of her hands, "I'm sorry, I'm just too happy!" He said, kissing her hands now, all her fingers and every inch of skin. She giggled at the sweet and silly gesture.

But then reality hit her once again, and her eyes sparkle started to fade slowly. "Addie?" He questioned, clearly realizing how her lips now trembled and her eyes no longer shined like they did just about a minute ago. He sat up in bed next to her and looked at her, expecting an answer.

"I'm scared I won't be able to…" She gestured with her hands towards her midsection, "Carry _it_."

"Is this because of the miscarriage?" He asked softly, knowing this topic affected her.

She nodded mutely and sighed. She truly wanted this baby, but her fears were interfering in between her happiness. "What If there's something wrong with me and I can't carry the baby to term?" She asked slowly, looking into Derek's eyes, that turned as less sparkly as hers.

"Addie, you'll carry our baby to term. You will. We'll find you a good doctor and she or he will tell you everything's just fine. Alright?"

"But what if it isn't?!"

"Then we'll deal with it one way or another." He assured her, caressing her cheek, showing some support. "Think positive." Derek said, smiling a little at her, hoping she would feel calmer now.

She sighed again and got closer to him, sitting up a little and climbing around his figure, entangling her thighs with his and she let her head rest in the curve between his neck and shoulder. He responded by holding her close and kissing the top of her head, "You'll be just fine… _It_ will be just fine." He said as he ran circles on her back with his hands, holding her as close as possible.

The image of a mini Derek or Addison could not get out of his mind, imaginating their house in this land, and their kid chasing Doc around the grass. The thought was comforting and made his heart feel warmth, because he had the feeling that if anything was wrong, they would find a way to fix it and overcome it. They had always done that, even when it seemed like their marriage was a lost cause, they kept themselves afloat.

The next day they met with their realtor and they went to look at the apartment Derek had found for them. At first he had thought the apartment was great, but now he realized they would need an extra room. Either way they went to see it.

"I love it." Addison beamed as they ended the tour. "It's perfect."

"Don't you think it's too small?" Derek questioned.

She nodded her head no, "Of course not, silly! You'll built the house and we'll stay while that… we still have like eight months to built, so…"

"So that's a yes?" He asked with a cocky grin.

The realtor smiled at both of them and watched Addison smile at her husband, "It is." Addison said, pecking Derek's lips.

After sealing the deal with the realtor they stated the last details of the rent and confirmed moving next month, which was in a couple of weeks.

Addison's smile couldn't go away, not even while she ate her salad at the hospital cafeteria later that day. Her face screamed joy and Derek was too, very happy for the next step for them. The day had gone great but it didn't get so good as Richard walked towards the couple with a serious expression, "Shep… We need to talk."

Derek looked at Richard with a curious and confused face. He hadn't done anything stupid in the past months besides screwing an intern, so he didn't know what this was about. "Go." Addison said, gesturing towards Richard.

Derek stood up and followed Richard to a bench where they could sit at and nobody would interrupt them. "Sloan is here." That's all he said.

"Excuse me?" Derek's eyes widened.

Richard sighed, "He's in my office, I lied and told him I had to check on a patient. He's here for a job, Derek."

"I'm going to kill him."

But before Derek could do a move, Richard had grabbed him by the sleeve of his scrubs and pulled him right back at the bench, "You will not do such thing. You will go to your wife, finish lunch and get away from here."

"What the hell does he want?!" Derek asked to no one in particular, growing angry.

Richard looked at the neurosurgeon in the eye and said, "You'll go home and take the rest of the day off. I'll figure out what Mark wants, I'll call you."

"How am I supposed to tell Addison?! God, it had been such a great day." Derek ran a hand through his hair, frustrated.

Richard nodded in understanding, "I'll have to come back inside now, it's not professional to leave someone waiting. I'll call you to let you know. Alright?"

"Alright." Derek conceded, coming back to the cafeteria after Richard had left.

She smiled even wider as he approached, "What was all that about?" She asked and proceed to take a sip from her water bottle.

He ran a hand through his hair, still a little affected by the news, but he wasn't going to kill her mood, so he put on a smile, "Callie told him we're moving and he wanted to make sure I wasn't going to screw up again."

"Aw, that's so sweet of him." Addison said, grabbing her husband's hand from across the table and giving it a gentle squeeze, "I thought we could do some shopping today… My phone has one of those GVS things so we won't get lost."

"You mean GPS?" He chuckled, adored by her silly mistake.

She rolled her eyes playfully, "You know I meant that. Besides we can get to know Seattle a little bit more, the only attraction we've seen until now is the ferrys and the hospital, on repeat." She said, taking a bite of her salad.

He nodded, "You're right. Do you think we could leave earlier today?"

"Earlier as when?"

"After lunch maybe?"

"Derek… I have work."

"We both know there is no surgeries for you for the rest of the day."

"I don't, but I do have paperwork." The redhead said in between bites.

"Come on, a good cup of coffee will keep you awake after shopping and I'll be there to massage your tense muscles." He squeezed her hand gently, expecting her to agree.

She sighed, "Okay, but let it be decaf, I wanna quit caffeine."

"I'm already proud of you." He smiled at her and kissed the back of her hand.

And the nightmare had started.

For Derek only, because Addison loved this. Picking up furniture and bedding, decoration, items… she loved it. He wasn't so optimistic about it but still had to deal with it and give his opinion. Suddenly she gasped loudly and his panic increased thinking something was wrong, but it was the opposite, he looked at her and she was pointing at a bed a few feet away from them.

"Addison, Jesus Christ. I thought something was wrong." He said.

She nodded, "There is somethig wrong. What's wrong is that we don't own that bed yet." She said as she started walking towards it and sat down. "And it's comfortable!"

"You just say that cuz you like how it looks like." He scoffed but lied down anyway, "Geez, this is truly comfortable."

"I feel like floating." Addison said, closing her eyes and letting the comfy bed feeling sink over here.

"So do I." He said.

"I think we're done shopping today."

Derek's eyes widened, "We are?!"

"Derek, whether you like it or not, I'm buying this bed and I'm going to go back to that trailer just so I can complain of our actual mattress."

That seemed like perfect plan and it was. Derek wanted to go back to the trailer and find a way to let her know Mark was here, he wanted to cuddle his wife and massage her shoulders as she stressed out about paperwork, he wanted this day to be over and meditate all his loud thoughts.

They bought the miraculous bed and went back to Derek's land. Well, _their _land. Addison slid her heels off as both her feet touched the trailer's floor. Doc as usual jumped around and barked, excited to have company once again. "Oh, I almost forgot… I made an appointment for Sunday, it's a private practice so I don't think we'll walk into anyone we know." She commented as she took off her coat.

Derek took off his coat too, "You did? That's great!" He couldn't help but smile a little, things were getting real by each second that passed.

She took her heels from the floor before Doc could get to attack them and walked inside of their 'bedroom'. "Yeah! I had met Eric when we were in a conference in New Jersey like two years ago, he's so nice. I had no idea he lived here. He sounded happy to hear about me."

"Eric? I… don't remember an Eric." Derek said, his stomach starting to create knots as she spoke about this Eric guy.

She nodded, "Come on! You must remember him. Two years ago, New Jersey, he sat next to you during dinner. Eric Holt." Addison tried to specify.

He scoffed, "I thought his name was Andy."

"Well the guy you thought was called Andy is going to deliver our baby, so you should get to know his actual name." She chuckled, unzipping her skirt.

"Why him though?"

"Because he's great at what he does. Well, I'm better for sure, but he's like… second best." Addison said, starting to unbutton her blouse.

He just stared at her, "Are you sure about him being your doctor?"

"Of course I am Derek. Otherwise I wouldn't have scheduled an appointment and I would certainly not shedule one if I thought he wasn't capable or good enough." Addison said, ordering her clothes used from the day, walking around the small trailer in only underwear.

"Just making sure!" He said, starting to undress himself, trying not to distract himself by her figure.

"Derek, are you jealous?" She chuckled, turning around to watch his cheeks grow a little redder than usual and his eyes to do that thing when he looks down or around just not to show he's lying.

"Of course not." He scoffed, taking off his flannel and tossing it on the bed.

She giggled again and nodded, "Sure."

Derek stood up and walked towards his gorgeous wife, "I am not jealous." He tried to assure her.

"You're not?" She asked, biting her upper lip.

He sighed, "Actually it depends if you find it sexy or not that I'm jealous."

"It is kind of a turn on." She shrugged, cupping his jaw with her perfect manicured fingers, her lips curling up into a seductive smile he knew quite well.

"Then I'm jealous." He said, taking a step forward.

"I knew it." She giggled but closed the space between them by kissing his lips slowly but passionately. She pulled back breathless a couple of seconds later, "Derek, you don't have to be jealous, you're the only man I want and my past mistakes won't screw this up for neither of us, or _it_." She said, running a hand through his curls, enjoying the touch.

He smiled at her, "You're so pretty."

"I know that, you'll have to work on your tactics to get me into bed with you." Addison chuckled.

"Um… Addison." He said after a couple of silent seconds of looking at each other like the world depended on it.

"Yeah?"

"Richard talked to me during lunch about something else… He… He told me Mark is in town."

There. He said it. it's out.

Her smile faded quickly, "Are you serious?" Her hand fell from the back of his head to her own side and she took a step back, starting to get affected by this.

"I didn't like it either." Derek said, running a hand through his hair as a frustrated habit.

She did the same and looked at him, "That's why we left early, right? He was there."

"Yeah. Richard promised me to call and let me know if he gives Mark a job or what." Derek blurted out.

She put both hands on her hips, "He thinks I aborted, Derek. He doesn't know I had a miscarriage and he… what if he finds out?! He's… Ah God." She started to freak out, pacing around the room.

Derek catched her upper arm and softly talked to her, "Calm down Addie, it doesn't matter if he finds out, it doesn't matter if he does and doesn't like it, because he's no longer a part of our lives."

"But he used to! He was your best friend and he was there when you weren't and I just… i don't know. I guess I don't want to hurt him anymore."

Derek knew what she meant. Addison was a compassionate human being and she didn't want to hurt anyone in particular, not Mark, but just generally in life she hated to be the bad guy or cause any pain (except while working, which was a different thing).

"I'm just… overwhelmed."

"I know honey, just, come here." Derek said, taking a step forward and wrapping his arms around her.

"I'm truly sorry." She mumbled against his skin.

He nodded slowly, "I know you are. I'm too."

After a few seconds she unfolded herself from his embrace and kissed his cheek, "i have paperwork to do."

"I'll bring you that decaf." He smiled in a friendly way at her.

She smiled back and walked back into the bedroom.

After a couple of hours, two cups of decaf and lots of paperwork they were both in bed ready to just fall asleep.

"What if we see him tomorrow? You aren't going to do anything stupid, are you?" Her concerned voice cut him through his thoughts about the same she was talking about: the possibilities of seeing Mark Sloan.

"Not if he does anything stupid first." Derek said.

Addison looked at him, "Don't be stupid, alright?" She asked politely.

"Relax, things will be just fine." He said, grabbing her hand under the sheets, rubbing his thumb over the back of it.

"I'm tired." Addison said as she closed her eyes.

"So I am."

She groaned, "But I think I'm horny too." She complained out loud. "Are you… in the mood? I mean we don't have to have sex, we can make out or just something to calm the feeling down…"

But before she could speak another syllable, his lips crashed against hers, she chuckled, "You think or you _are_?" He joked.

"I am." Addison stated as she snaked her hands through his sides to now be on both sides of his face, bringing him closer to him so she could kiss him.

But a phone started buzzing and the moment was dead once again. Now it was Derek's time to groan. "It's yours." Addison said, picking it up from his nightstand and handing it to him.

"Hello? Richard? Yeah…"

"What is he saying?!" Addison mumbled.

"Sh!" He said.

She hit him playfully in the arm for making her shut up, "Ow!" He muttered.

"Ah-huh. Okay. Well thank you Chief. You too. Goodbye." Derek said and then hung up.

"So?!"

"Mark starts working at Seattle Grace starting monday." Derek said.

_Yes, i did __**that**__._

_please review ! I would love to know what you guys think._

_Also thank you for the reviews in previous chapters, I usually forget to thank you (big flaw of mine) but i'm truly thankful with your support!_


	13. Chapter 13

_i updated earlier than I thought i would…. congratulate me pls._

…

"I swear I'm going to throw up again if he even says a word to me." Addison said that monday morning as they entered the hospital. She was nervous of seeing her ex-fling and Derek was trying to contain his rage towards him after all that had happened.

"I hate Richard for doing this." He groaned.

"Don't blame him, he's doing what's best for the hospital." Addison said, locking a strand of her red hair behind her ear, her heels clicking as they kept on walking.

Derek rolled his eyes, "Yeah, and part of the hospital is the hospital staff which includes us." He points out, pushing the button for the elevator.

The elevator opened and they went inside together, her face was pale and she showed discomfort, so did he. "Please don't make a scene." Addison begged.

Derek scoffed, "Why do you always assume I'll do something stupid?"

"Do you want me to answer that?" She challenged, lifting an eyebrow at him.

Just at that moment the doors opened, "I need you to promise." Addison said, grabbing his arm as they walked out of the elevator.

He sighed, "I promise I won't do anything stupid." he said walking next to his wife towards the attending lounge.

She sighed, "I'm going to be sick."

"Just take deep breaths." He advised, thinking she was just being exaggerated.

She shook her head no and ran the other way to the ladies room, she was indeed going to be sick. Derek ran behind her and entered the ladies room, realizing what the hell he had done when it was too late. He went inside of the small individual bathroom and held her hair as she threw up. "Shh, shh… you're all right." He assured her, running circles on her back with his extra hand as she kept on vomiting.

"Doctor Shepherd! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Miranda Bailey exclaimed.

He looked back at her and said, "Helping my wife to develop bulimia, what do you think Doctor Bailey?!"

Miranda looked at him with amusement and left the bathroom, holding a laugh at how ridiculous McDreamy's sarcasm was.

And finally for the second time that morning, Addison stopped. "I hate you so much for this." She muttered, standing up slowly and towards the sink while Derek flushed the toilet.

"Feeling better?" He asked, walking closer to her as she cleaned her mouth and washed her face.

She nodded and then snorted, holding a laugh.

"What?" Derek asked.

"'Develop bulimia'", She laughed out loud, "It's funny how you tried to cover that I'm pregnant with a _helping my wife to develop bulimia_." She mocked, laughing again.

He rolled his eyes but couldn't help and chuckle, "Shut up."

Addison coughed and then closed her eyes, "I'm tired of morning sickness." She said reaching for Derek's arm to be able to stand still. "I hate you."

"What did I do now?!" He gasped as she hit his arm playfully.

"This." She pointed to her stomach.

"But you were so happy about that.." He smiled at her and moved closer to her, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her closer.

"I am happy about _it_, which I'm not happy about is the vomiting, the sweating, the nausea… I'm getting dehydrated, Derek! Dehydration means dry skin." She exclaimed.

"Okay, then we'll get you an IV line and I'm going to bring you water instead of decaf when we meet after rounds." He said, kissing her cheek and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Alright?"

"Alright. Now get out of here before Miranda comes back in here with torches to murder you." She chuckled, pecking his lips quickly and turning around to dry her hands.

He did as told and excited the room, immediately seeing the human figure he had not wanted to see yet. There he was, already flirting with nurse Olivia. The knots building inside of his stomach begged him to walk away and so he did, going inside of the attendings lounge, trying not to strangle anyone. Burke asked something but Derek didn't hear a thing, as he took his lab coat out of his locker and started to change into his scrubs and sneakers for the long day that was about to start, he saw his wife come inside the room with already a disgusted face, different as the one she had done after throwing up.

She had seen him too and wasn't happy about it. "Well aren't the Shepherds happy today?!" Burke said in fluent sarcasm.

"Don't mention it." Addison blew him off as she started to change for the day as well.

The day started as usual: rounds.

Addison already felt low energy after the morning sickness, but now that Mark was here and she had seen him: she was fully exhausted and the day had just begun.

Derek on the other hand? His rage was somehow energizing him. He kept on wondering what he would say if they crossed paths during the day, would he act nice? Would he say something sarcastic trying to annoy him? Would he just ignore his presence?

They were about to find out.

"Why are you here?" She asked in an annoyed tone as she felt him rest his elbows against the nurses' desk station. Addison didn't even bother from looking up from the chart she was filling, she tried to calm down her nausea and her urge to yell at him.

He scoffed, "I thought you'd be happy to see me." He replied, looking down at her as she kept on writing on the chart.

"Yeah well, thinking has never been your forte anyways." Addison said, grabbing the chart and walking away, not even giving him a look, knowing just a peek would wake up the guilt and hate towards herself that she's been trying to keep under the rug.

Her eyes started to get glassy as she finally found where she wanted to be, The Chief's office. Chart in hand, glasses still on, devastated face: all of them entered the room without asking Patricia if Richard was inside.

She gasped as she saw her husband talking to Richard. Both men glanced at her, "Fire him." she said simply before things went blurry and she didn't know why suddenly everything felt funny and calm.

"Addison!" Her husband's voice called. But it sounded like she was underwater and then there was something red but then… then there was darkness.

/

"Derek?" She asked groggily as she tried to sit up in bed but then she came back on lying there, feeling pain on her forehead. "Oh God… What happened?" Addison asked, still eyes closed.

He squeezed her hand she didn't know he had been grabbing, "You fainted, don't worry, the baby's fine and you're fine but you need to get some rest." Derek said, smiling warmly at her while his eyes screamed concern.

"My head hurts."

"That's because you hit your head, but my suturing technique won't leave any scars, you're welcome." Sloan spoke, with that smug voice the both Shepherds disliked.

Addison started growing overwhelmed, not only because her fainting and vomiting was clearly going to cause nurses to start to gossip around her pregnancy, but because the man she cheated on her husband with is inside of this small exam room that starts to feel claustrophobic.

Derek sighed, clearly annoyed, "She's awake and responsive, can you get the hell out now?" The neurosurgeon said, looking at his former best friend with contempt.

Mark rolled his eyes but excited the room anyways.

"Why did you allow him to suture me?" Addison asked, rubbing her temple.

"He was there when I carried you into the ER, he insisted on helping." Derek said, running a hand through his hair.

She opened her eyes, revealing sadness, "I'm sorry." She apologized for nothing.

"It's not your fault he's here," Derek said gently, kissing the back of her hand and being careful not to touch her IV line, knowing she hated the feeling.

She closed her eyes again, the pain and anger towards herself started to build up, the mistakes she had made would haunt her forever and she couldn't change that. She cheated and she still couldn't fully forgive herself.

"After your IV bag is finished I'm taking you home, okay?"

She groaned, opening her eyes to meet his, "Why?! I'm fine, I fainted, just as…" She trailed off knowing that maybe she wasn't as alright as she thought and she needed some rest.

"Just as what?" He challenged.

_Most of pregnant women around the world._

She sighed already defeated, "Whatever, just go get my stuff." Addison miraculously conceded.

It was already a bad day, and now she was getting an IV bag and her head was hurt. "Do you want me to page Miranda so she can stay with you?"

"No, no. Just go." She smiled softly at him and watched him leave the exam room she was trapped in. Suddenly it all felt exhausting, her back hurt and her eyes felt heavy, she wasn't alright. She put her hand over her stomach and sighed heavily, hoping her baby was alright.

"I assume you told him." His voice filled the room and she was obligated to inhale sharply.

She opened her eyes once again and met his blue ones, "I did."

"And now you're expecting again, huh? After you aborted my baby you're fine having another one with the guy that walked away from you and deleted your number." He scoffed, sitting down at the chair Derek was previously sitting on.

"Piss off." She said, looking at him with rage, pain and contempt. "You shouldn't even be here."

It hurt a little, knowing that he didn't know the whole story. He wasn't there when she lost their baby and he always was left off with the idea that she aborted behind his back when he wasn't paying attention to her while sleeping with random nurses. It felt bad, she felt a little guilty, but she decided to not tell him, since it was _her_ story, _her_ problem, _she_ went through that, alone.

Mark didn't need to know.

"Well I missed you, I wanted to see you." He said with his typical signature cocky grin that would make women fall for him instantly, except her.

"Mark, just cut the crap. You don't like the rain, you like the New York life, go back… fall in love with someone else that's not married to your best friend." Addison begged, rubbing her stomach.

"You were in love with me too, remember?"

"I was alone and fragile, of course I thought I was in love. You know I've always loved Derek."

"And he loves the blonde intern."

"Not anymore, we're working things out." She said in a little aggressive tone.

He folded his arms over his chest and looked at her, "We both know Derek. He's a black and white kinda guy, he's always going to hate you for what you did and even if he seems he loves you, the little detail of us together is going to eat him alive and you know it."

"Go away, please." She choked out, "Just go." Addison begged.

Mark nodded and stood up from the chair, "Never forget what we had, please. Keep it in mind." The plastic surgeon said and walked away from the room, leaving the redhead behind.

She felt disgusted, maybe it was the morning sickness still present, but she just felt so damn disgusted. They were a mistake, what they had was a mistake, and that night was a mistake, all of that was a mistake. She loved her husband, how could she even do that in the first place? Throwing away her marriage like that? Oh right… it takes two to end a marriage… still she feels she's the one to blame at times.

…

They went home and he offered to take care of her for the rest of the day, but she insisted he should go back to work and then go buy her some crackers and ginger ale. It took fifteen minutes to convince Derek to do so, but it was worth it, because she didn't want him when her breakdown hours were about to start.

Addison knew Mark was just playing with her hand and was definitely wrong about Derek not loving her anymore, but the thought still made her feel scared, because sadly that fear had evolved with the years. She was feeling horrible, it felt like Mark was the alive reminder of her adultery, it felt like it was always haunting her whether she liked it or not.

She looked herself at the mirror, it was just a bandaid and she knew Mark had skills on his speciality, so her head would not have a scar left (hopefully).

Addison grabbed her phone and dialed the very familiar number, "Hey."

"Hey!" Savvy sounded happy on the line, probably excited to hear the redhead's voice.

"Mark knows." She said, taking a deep breath.

"What?! How?!" The blonde woman asked, surprised.

"He's here, in Seattle… he's… he works at Seattle Grace now and I fainted today…"

"You fainted?!" Savvy cut her off.

"He was nearby and helped me out and then we had a chat and I just feel… like a monster." She choked out, inhaling sharply.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry to hear that. Is the baby okay?" Her friend asked, clearly concerned.

"The baby's fine. I'm just worried about Derek and I. Do you think he's going to change his mind about us?" Addison asked, her confidence going downhill pretty quick.

Savvy sighed, defeated by what her friend was telling her, "If Derek truly loves you and wants this, which i'm certain he does, things will be just fine. I'm sorry I'm not there to go to Mark's place and give him a good smack to stop his stupidity."

Addison chuckled at that, "You don't have to be sorry."

"So If Mark knows, then Derek knows?"

They talked about the pregnancy announcement and how cute Savvy thought it was, and then kept talking about Savvy's new law firm she was working at, by the time their call was over, it was dark outside and they had wasted lots of hours on talking.

Derek came in when she was starting to fall asleep in bed, but she didn't mind him waking her up to reality. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I was awake." She said softly, sitting up in bed, "Do I look too stupid with a bandaid on my forehead?"

"You look beautiful with or without the bandaid." He said in a tone that didn't show any caring activity, so she knew something was off.

He turned around, finally letting himself be seen by his wife, "Oh my God!" She gasped, standing up from bed as fast as she was able and walked towards her gorgeous husband who had a purple black eye. "Who did this to you?!"

"An old friend." Derek shrugged, "It's nothing, I'm okay."

"You are not! Sit, I'll get you some ice."

"I should be the one taking care of you, you know." Derek said but still did as she told him to and sat down.

"We're both injured but you're worse than me." She insisted and turned to grab some ice from the freezer. After a minute she focused on her husband, she had a towel wrapped around the ice and pressed it lightly against his weak eye. "Better?"

"Yeah a little." He said, "Thank you."

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

He inhaled sharply, "He went to my office and yelled at me… said some bullshit like I didn't deserve you and that trying to work on our marriage was going to be a big fiasco…" Derek said, "Believe me, he's way worse than I ended up."

"Derek…"

"He said I'd be a horrible father." He mumbled, hurt in his voice evident.

Addison removed the ice from his face and looked at him in the eye, she leaned down and pecked his lips, "That's a lie. You'll be an espectacular father and our child will be so lucky to have you." She cupped his jaw and caressed his cheek with her thumb.

She put the bag back on his injury, "I'm sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry."

"Well, I am." Addison said almost automatically.

"You shouldn't. I screwed up too and I'm sorry too but it's not all your fault. I'm to blame too." He said as he still kept his eyes closed, "Sit down, don't stand, It's been a long day for you too." Derek said, patting his lap, inviting his wife to sit down as well.

Addison sat on his lap and ran a hand through his curls, "I love you, don't believe what Mark says. You're the only man I've ever truly loved and been in love with. And even if hurricane Sloan comes to bite us back in the ass, that doesn't change, alright?" She said, still caressing her husband's curls.

"Right." He nodded slightly. "I shouldn't have gotten so upset about it."

"It's okay. It's good you did though… it means that you care." Addison said in a warm tone that assured him comfort.

"And I love you too." He said.

"I told Savvy." Suddenly she said.

"Oh so… we're telling people?" He smirked a little, watching her cheeks turn a little redder.

She shook her head no, "Not yet. Our baby is too tiny yet. I want to wait a couple more weeks and I want to see if _it_'s fine when we go to the appointment this weekend. I need to make sure I'm going to be able to carry to term." A hint of fear in her voice made Derek feel a little overwhelmed, he hated to see her down.

"Things will be just fine."

"What if they're not?" Her voice broke a little.

"We're the new Addison and Derek, Always and Forever. I'll be there for you." he assured her and ran a hand through her back, assuring his comfort along the way.

She smiled a little, "Thank you."

"No need to thank me." He winked at her with his good eye, even if it looked like he just blinked, Addison got the message.

…

_short chapter, i know._

_I hate myself too._

_review pls!_


	14. Chapter 14

_HAPPY SUNDAY!_

…_..._

It was her first transvaginal ultrasound, the both had been waiting for this moment for a whole week in which they had to deal with 'McSteamy' and young interns who would show up at their door asking for forgiveness.

"Let's see!" Eric said energetically as he grabbed the gel and before applying it he said, "You know what I'm going to say…"

"I know." Addison giggled, nodding slightly, "Proceed."

Eric counted to three before he introduced the transducer. Addison squeezed Derek's hand a little at the new sensation but calmed down after a few seconds. Their little fetus was now being seen on the monitor, "It's the perfect size for seven weeks." Eric commented, smiling a little at the couple

"Actually seven weeks and two days." She had the need to mention that, of course.

"Addison…" Derek murmured, a little nervous because of their appointment and annoyed by Addison.

"The placenta has developed… your fetus looks healthy… everything looks divine, Addison. I assume you want to hear the heartbeat."

"Yes." They both said in unison.

The sound of a strong heartbeat filled their ears and their smiles grew wider. A tear escaped Derek's eye and Addison had to chuckle at that. ""What?! How can you not get emotional…" He said, wiping away the tear and looking back at the monitor. She grabbed his hand and bring it closer to her mouth so she could kiss the back of it.

When the ultrasound was finished, Eric stepped out of the room, giving them privacy as they got ready to leave the consult. "Derek... " She started speaking.

He looked at her, "What?"

"I want to go home and not fight with you again, alright?" She asked.

He took a deep breath, "you're the one who started the whole fight."

"That is why I want to go back home and shut up about the subject." Addison said, gesturing for him to help her take her hospital gown off.

He walked behind her and helped her out of it, "Fine."

"Our baby is healthy, I'm healthy… what's not healthy is us bitching at each other. So… are we in an agreement?"

He shrugged, "We are, but just to make it clear, you're the one who started bitching."

"You followed my bitching, so you're not so innocent." She snapped, starting to dress up.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, "Fine, I'm sorry."

"You are?" She turned around to meet his gaze.

He nodded, "I am."

"good. I am too." Addison said as she took a step closer, she pecked his lips and then continued on dressing up.

_the past wednesday…_

The door of the trailer was being knocked, "Did you invite someone?" Addison asked, looking up from her Nicholas Sparks novel, her gaze focused on Derek's naked abdomen.

"I swear that if its Mark I'm going to take out the gun." He said, putting on pants quickly and a t-shirt.

"Do we own a gun?" Her eyes widened.

"No, but it sounded cool… so…" He shrugged.

She stepped up from bed and walked towards the kitchen that also happened to be the entry hall of their lovely small home. Addison was going to prepare herself some chamomile tea.

"Meredith…" He answered the door, shocked as the blonde woman was standing there, awkward expression on her face.

Addison turned around to meet the intern's gaze, "Doctor Grey. What are you doing here?" Addison asked, walking closer to her husband who seemed stunned.

"Your… Your blanket." She said, opening the backpack she had on her hand and taking his famous blanket out of it.

Addison stared at her annoyed and shook at the same time. She had given him that blanket for their third anniversary, she recalls she did, but still can't seem to remember when he took it from the brownstone after he had left. Maybe he snuck into the house one of those nights she miraculously fell asleep of exhaustion after overthinking her mistake.

The redhead forces a smile and takes the blanket from Meredith's hands, "Thank you, Doctor Grey." She said in a sharp way, "Is there anything else you need?"

"No… I mean yes, I just wanted to apologize." Grey said and then nodded at both spouses as a way of saying goodbye. She walked away from the trailer and then when Addison saw her getting inside the car, she turned to Derek and closed the door behind her.

His eyes showed sadness, his eyebrows narrowed and he looked at his wife expecting her to yell or do something. "Are you going to just stand there and not move?" She snapped, throwing the blanket at him.

He caught it and looked down at it, "Addie…"

"Remind me to boy matches to burn that thing, thanks." She walked past him towards the kitchen counter, about to keep making herself some tea.

"You're mad." He observes her.

She let out a dry chuckle, "How would you feel if Mark would knock on our door and be like 'Oh, sorry to interrupt your evening, just dropping Addison's panties she left at my place.'"

Derek rolled his eyes and threw the blanket to the couch nearby, "Addison…"

"Don't Addison me, please." She said annoyed and kept on waiting for the hot water to be ready.

Derek walked towards her and touched her upper arm, "Can we talk about this?"

She turned around now, anger in her eyes and brows furrowed because she's trying not to break down, "Why can't you tell her to back off?! Why can't you stop talking to her or treating her like a dear friend?! You think I haven't seen you walking around with her?" Addison said furious, her voice raising and breaking at the end of her last question.

"I'm sorry! I had no idea she was going to show up." He said, massaging her shoulder with the hand that used to be on her upper arm.

"That's not the point, Derek!" She said, moving her shoulder roughly so he would stop distracting her with his touch. He was massaging her shoulder because she knew she was tense and hated to see her like that, not because he wanted to shut her up. "I don't talk to Mark, I actually ignore him at all costs, if he's having lunch in the cafeteria I have lunch at the attendings lounge, if he's talking to Miranda about something and I want to talk to her too, I decide to page her later… I try, Derek! You on the other hand? You seem to be getting closer to her and I… Is it me?"

"I didn't know it bothered you that much, we're just friends!"

"For you you're just friends, but her? She's still hang up on you and you don't seem to notice! Are you blind? She's your ex-fling, she's your intern and you're okay with her showing up here?!"

"Hey, hey. Don't put words in my mouth, I never said that I was okay with her coming over." Derek said, running a hand through his hair, already growing frustrated.

"You could have told her something, you know?! 'I'm sorry Meredith, I don't appreciate you showing up here' It was _that_ easy!" She said, both hands on her hips. "I just can't help but wonder, is she going to be inside of the delivery room too when your child decides to be born?"

"Okay that's enough!" He said firmly.

She looked at him, a tear slipping out of her eye, she wiped it as fast as she could and looked the other way. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell…" He apologized.

"These darm hormones." She sighed, letting the rest of her tears fall.

Derek walked towards her and embraced her even if she fought his touch for a minute. "I'll try." He promised, kissing the side of her neck, letting her sob against him.

"I'm not crying because you yelled, I'm just sad because I'm truly considering on setting that blanket on fire."

He chuckled and ran a hand through her hair, holding her as close as possible, "I'll buy you some matches then."

"I'm still mad." She mumbled but decided to relax.

He nodded, I know."

…

_now_

"You're sorry?" He asked, surprised.

She nodded, "I might have exaggerated a little." Addison shrugged, putting on her blouse and started buttoning it.

"Alright. Let's leave this past behind us and concentrate on what's best, our perfect seven weeks and two days fetus." He said, smiling at her.

She smiled back and kissed his lips softly, "I love you."

"I love you more." He said, cupping her jaw.

"Can we have reconciliation sex tonight?" She asked biting her upper lip, lust in her eyes as she spoke.

He groaned, "If I ever say no to that request, shoot me."

…

"I kind of like not having to hide that we're pregnant." Derek said, taking a bite from his green apple, looking at his gorgeous wife who was staring at two ultrasound pictures. They were sitting outside a cafe, both drinking hot cocoa since it was a cold and windy day today. She looked gorgeous with that red scarf around her neck.

She nodded and kept looking at them, "Which one is best?" Addison asked, showing the pictures to her husband. "I think this one's better." She said holding up higher the one she was holding with her left hand.

He shook his head no, "The other one is better."

Addison looked at them again, "If you say so…" Addison said, taking her wallet from her purse and putting it in there.

"Actually this one is better," Derek said, taking the vacant picture, "But I wanted it for my wallet."

"You bastard!" She chuckled as she watched him put it on his own wallet. "Your eye is looking better though." Addison said, entangling her fingers with his over the table.

"You think so?"

"Yeah, almost like you were never punched!" She winked at him.

He smiled at her, "And your little forehead cut is not noticeable at all."

"Aw! See? We're being sweet and mature after a fight!" She tucks a strand of hair out of her face.

He nodded letting out a chuckle, somehow she could make things so much better, and the fact that she was and their baby too was healthy, made everything way better. "We still have the rest of the day left… what do you feel like doing?"

"Maybe we could go furniture shopping? We already have the bed, but we need much more than just that."

"Yes!" She exclaimed, "Ah, you make me so happy." She squeezed his hand and winked an eye at him.

"Likewise."

….

"I think this is a bad idea." She said as they kept on walking through the corridors of IKEA.

He frowned, "What do you mean?" For him it was strange to hear her say such thing while doing her favorite sport: shopping.

"I haven't given it a thought yet… will we chose a theme? Maybe black and white? I don't know, but I feel like we need patterns." Her anxious chaotic voice spoke.

He rolled his eyes but smirked at her, "Chill."

"Derek, think about it." She said, stopping to stare at some bookshelves that looked cute.

He did give it a thought and maybe she wasn't as crazy as he thought, "Ok fine. I say beige, black and white would be good."

She looked back at him and nodded excitedly, he had good taste. "And fake plants!"

He chuckled, "Perfect."

It's not that they didn't know gardening, they did, and they loved it, they had lots of flowers at the brownstone and they had planted them themselves, but they're surgeons… there's never enough time to water them or actually take time to look at them. So fake plants it is! Green and pretty, also fake.

"I also want pillows, do you know where they are?" She starts looking around for them, her eyes scanning her surroundings.

"Addison, please don't." He begs.

"What?!"

"You have an obsession for pillows."

"I do not." She says, hitting his arm playfully.

"Come on, there's always been more room on the bed for your excessive quantity of pillows than us."

She rolls her eyes, "They're comfortable! And it's not like you were home that much anyway." She snapped.

"Are we seriously gonna go there?" He asked, pinching the bridge of his nose, knowing she could be unstoppable when it came to 'I'm right you're wrong' kind of arguments.

"I don't know, maybe you should check with your mistress, she might show up to help us pick some decor!" She said full of sarcasm.

He kept his mouth shut, knowing she was still upset and her hormones were making her react and say things in ways she didn't mean to. Addison suddenly stopped and he looked at her questioningly.

"What happened now?"

"We should go."

"What? Why?" He was confused.

"I'm an adulterous bitch, that's why." She said, quoting him. Addison turned around and walked past him, willing to leave.

Derek stood there and caught what she had seen: Mark Sloan smelling decorative candles fifteen feet away approximately. Derek ran a hand through his hair and made his way out of IKEA looking for his wife. Addison was sitting on a bench nearby, serious expression and gaze fixed on her hands resting on her lap.

"Addie… it's okay." He said, sitting next to her.

She shook her head, "It isn't!" Addison looked up into his eyes.

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead, "It's fine. He lives here now, we will have to run into him at least once." He said, pulling her closer for a hug.

She sighed, "Can we go back to the trailer? I need a hot shower." She said, pulling away from her embrace, her brows furrowed just as they always were when he found herself upset.

"Whatever you want, princess."

She chuckled, "Thank you for not doing a comeback earlier when I said that about Meredith."

"Don't mention it." He said, standing up from the bench, offering a hand for her to grab.

….

"Should we start choosing baby names?" She said as she closed her eyes, pleased by the feeling of his finger massaging her shoulders. Her skin was warm, radiating heat from the shower she had just taken, her hair was damp from it, too. Wearing only a Guns n' Roses old t-shirt and a thong underneath she was sitting on the edge of the bed, Derek behind her. He stopped massaging her, causing her to make an annoyed face. She opened her eyes to see Doc sleeping on the corner of the kitchen and look back for a second at him.

"We haven't even told my sisters and you're ready to pick names?!"

She scoffed, turning her head again, expecting him to continue, "No, I'm just asking. Maybe that could help us think about something else, not about Mark or Meredith or anyone else…" She shrugged, "Now you better continue or no love for you tonight."

He chuckled and decided to keep on massaging her, "I was thinking Sophia for a girl and for a boy i like Logan or Daniel." He said, leaving a kiss in the curve of her shoulder and neck.

She smiled as she kept of feeling how his gifted hands took away the tension within her muscles, "I like those. I thought maybe Vivian for a girl though."

"Like Vivian Carlsmith?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Well she is my mentor after all. I miss her." She let out a breath, "Vivian Shepherd sounds nice."

"What about Montgomery?"

"Our child is not having that last name."

"Well the Captain and Bizzy won't be so happy."

She simply kept silent and closed her eyes, feeling the guilt starting to built up. His hands stop once again and she sighs, missing the touch. "You haven't even thought about telling them, huh?"

Addison let her head fall back into his chest, "It's not like they tell me about their stuff." She said, looking into his concerned blue eyes.

"You know I won't obligate you to do anything you don't want to, but give it a thought sweetheart." He said, kissing her forehead, "I love you, and they'll love their grandchild no matter what."

"i just… agh you know how it would be. Bizzy would judge me or make Susan call to ask annoying stuff… see?! She's already getting on my nerves and I haven't even contacted her yet!"

He nodded and pushed her closer to him, allowing her head to rest on his shoulder and let her forehead rest against his warm neck. Addison closed her eyes and smelled Derek's scent. "I'm happy for us, Addie." He suddenly said, not knowing where that came from.

She moved from her position and turned around, now sitting in front of him in bed, watching his features show emotion, "I am too." She took his hand and squeezed it gently. "It's strange isn't it? That we're together… again. After all that happened. We're here and we're having a baby." Her eyes started brimming with tears as she spoke.

He smiled at her and touched her hand, "You used to say after the storm there was always sunshine, I want to believe this is our sunshine."

A tear of joy slid down her cheek, he wiped it and said, "I love you Addison."

"I love you too." her lips curled into a smile and then they parted. She was going to say she was sorry, again… instead she shut up and got closer to him, sitting on his lap, snaking her arms around his neck to pull him closer, their noses a few inches apart, and their breaths that made each other's lust increase.

Their noses touched and he parted his lips, but something held him from kissing her. His eyes were fixed on hers and she couldn't stop staring, she nodded slowly and slightly, moving even closer, the corners of her mouth showing a big toothy smile.

And then the smiles and happy expression faded, because their eyes shut and she allowed his lips to touch hers.

Their lips started battling slowly but passionately. As she groaned against his lips, he decided to incorporate his tongue inside her mouth. His hands traveled under her shirt to caress the soft sensitive skin of her back, hers were playing with his curls and pulling him closer as their making-out session kept on going.

Her hands travelled down his neck to the first buttons of his shirt, which she started to undue as fast as she could. He moaned as she finally could get to touch the warm skin of his chest, helping her out of her t-shirt and then laying her down gently on the bed to start sucking at her neck.

Addison caressed his curls as his lips played patterns reaching down to her collarbone and her find his way to her right quad boob. Her breath caught in her throat as he removed her bra strap to get a better exposure.

"Derek…" She gasped, looking into his desired eyes, "I want you with me tonight." He knew what she meant by that, she wanted connection and she wanted to feel every part of it, go slow but always enjoying each other and themselves.

He nodded and unclasped her bra, she sit up a bit, taking it off. She saw could he looked down at her breasts, but instead he agreed with her request and kissed her as deeply and passionate as possible, laying down with her, touching her sides and eventually cupping her breasts when he felt it was right.

She unzipped his jeans, after that they made eye contact but kept their lips touching. When they were both completely naked and under the sheets she parted her thighs and let him touch her sensitive skin down there. She moaned when one of his fingers entered her.

"You're…" He said against her ear.

"Wet, I know." She cut him off before he could end that sentence. She chuckled a little, feeling pathetic for ending the sentence.

Derek took his finger out of her and looked at her in the eye, "Should I…?"

"Yes." She said softly, showing him a smile before she bit her lip and opened her thighs wider for him to enter her.

He caressed her cheek with his thumb and then brought his lips to hers, entering her slowly, causing her to moan into his mouth. She wrapped her thighs around his waist, allowing him to go deeper into her. "Ah, Derek." She moaned against his lips again when he started to move in and out of her, going slow at first.

Her arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer, embracing him as their rhythm kept on going from slow to fast. He moaned as he felt his release coming close, he started running his middle finger on circles around her clitoris, determined to make her come with him.

"Oh my… Derek!" She said harshly, feeling herself closer as well.

He grabbed her leg with his other hand, causing her to sit up a little and having a better access to keep going.

She arched her back as she felt her release closer and closer, his breathing quickened as well, and finally they both were attacked by the ecstatic feeling. They both moaned and stood in that position for a couple seconds, until he collapsed next to her on bed.

With smiles on their faces, they started panting, trying to slow down their breaths. "That was amazing." Addison said, finding his hand underneath the messy sheets, bringing it to her lips to kiss the back of it.

"_You _are amazing." Derek said, moving closer to her, capturing her lips with his. As he pulled away, he felt Addison's legs beginning to tangle with his, she got as close as possible and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"I love, love, love, love you." She said, smiling at him, still trying to found a normal breathing pattern.

He let out of a breath and pulled her closer, letting her head rest against his shoulder. Derek kissed the top of her head and caressed her back, "I love you more."

"That's impossible because I love you more than that."

"Addison, I love you the most."

"I love you until the moon." She challenged.

He chuckled because she knew she was up for a competition, "How about I prove you I love you more than that?" He proposed, cocky grin on his lips.

She giggled, "Oh, I'd love that."

…

_I HATE MYSELF! AH, okay i suck at smut/sex scenes, so i truly apologize._

_besides that, hopefully you enjoyed this chapter. I made a poll on my insta account, from now on I'll update only on sundays :) PLEASE REVIEW!_


	15. Chapter 15

_TRULY SORRY I DIDN'T POST LAST SUNDAY!1 I've been a little busy. but now i'm back and will try to respect the time lines._

…_._

The night was cold and windy, not to mention rainy too. The furious rain hit against the window of their new cozy apartment as the couple layed in bed holding each other. Derek played with her hair while she ran circles on his naked chest. It had been a long day after work but they were now both showered, fed and sleepy. It was strange they weren't sleeping already, but cuddling felt so good and so comforting after all the death that they had to deal with today after a multi car accident.

They were doctors, surgeons. They dealt with death and accidents like this one all the time, except today it was different somehow. Today it felt sad and sort of depressing.

Addison brought her lips to his bare shoulder and kissed it softly, getting closer to him and snuggling her head on the curve of his shoulder and neck, inhaling his scent. He smiled a little at that, because she always did it and he thought it was cute. "You know…you could say you're sick and not go." Addison said, causing him to turn his head to the side to be able to look at his gorgeous wife.

"Nonsense, I'm going." He giggled and tucked a strand of red hair out of her perfect face. Derek didn't want to leave her alone, specially now that it was not only her but also their child.

"Agh, fine." she rolled her eyes at him.

Addison brought a hand to the curve of his jaw, "So...You'll go, you'll have fun with the neuro nerds, you'll come back, we'll have a night full of passion, we'll spend a weekend off together having _fun _and then when monday comes you'll tell me how the conference was." She smiled warmly at him and kissed his lips softly. "Understood, Doctor Shepherd?" She asked cockyly after breaking the kiss.

He nodded, "Understood, Doctor Shepherd." Derek couldn't help but feel the guilt starting to built up.

"Good." She smiled again and pecked his lips before getting comfortable in bed.

He bit his bottom lip, "I think you'll have to clarify it, honey." His seductive voice spoke. Derek felt her feet stop cuddling against his and watched how slowly her hand traveled from his bare chest to the side of his abdomen.

"You think so?" She asked seductively and parted his legs with her own, climbing on top of him slowly. He, of course enjoyed the view as she moved slowly to be on top, her mischievous grin starting to get him even more turned on.

He nodded slowly, bringing his hands under her pajama top, caressing her bare back. She shivered a little as the touch sent chills down her spine and brought her hips closer to his, feeling him growing hard quickly. She kissed him fully on the lips and let her tongue slide in between his lips, he groaned at the contact and kissed her back just as passionately.

Next thing she knew, he had flipped them over, taking control, attacking her sensitive skin with his lips, touching and squeezing her porcelain skin, finding the spots that made her weak. She stopped him by bringing his face up with both hands and kissed his lips softly, after this she took her pajama top off and slided her pajama bottoms off, while Derek was still on top of her, trying not to drool over her as he watched her slowly get naked for him and for him only.

Derek looked at her stunned and decided to get naked himself, Addison helped him out, because she couldn't wait to touch him again and she was starting to grow impatient.

Both in bare skin, started the kissing again, her thighs parted, and her hand traveled down to his growing member as they kept on massaging each other's tongues. He had to stop to kiss her since her touch felt amazing, he moaned out in pleasure.

"Like that, huh?" Her panting-seductive voice said as she watched his features change when she fastened the pace.

Both his hands gripped around her, begging for mercy, one of them on her breast and the other one on her shoulder. "Addison…" He let out.

She slowed the pace and then stopped, satisfied with herself. He kissed her deeply and brought his hands down as well, testing the waters he slid a finger in between her legs and felt her jump a little at the sudden touch. Since she was clearly wet he decided to pleasure her in a much better way. He slid slowly inside of her, both groaning at the sensation.

Their night ended up as hot and sweaty as possible, considering they had arrived home exhausted, now they were extra exhausted.

The next morning Addison took him to the airport and kissed him goodbye more than twice, there was a lot of hugging and good lucks.

…..

Derek arrived at his hotel room about seven hours after Addison left him at that airport and he had to deal with a kid kicking him on the back the whole plane ride. He had told Addison he was flying in business class but it was a lie, there were already reserved when he bought the ticket, but at least his hotel room was a good one, with the beautiful view of the Central Park.

He hated that he had to lie to his wife and also involved Richard in the mix. It was for a good cause at least, and even if this city brought horrible memories to his mind like that night he found his wife cheating on him, it also brought amazing memories to his mind, like when he proposed to Addison, or when he first took her out on a date and walked through those trashy New York streets holding hands with his actual wife.

Derek smiled at the memories, but then it faded away when his phone buzzed and checked what it was. It was a text from Addison "_Hopefully the flight was alright, baby and I miss you already! Keep me updated on the neuro nerds! Love, A."_

His smile reappeared, loving how the word 'baby' was incorporated in that sentence. After replying to her with an "_Everything was fine. Missing you guys too, Love you," _he went to bed, in the need of a nap. He had a meeting in two more hours so he was going to use his time on sleeping before it was time.

…..

"So, where's that husband of yours."

"None of your business." She barked at him.

"Mama bear is sassy today, I like it." He said, smiling at her.

She rolled her eyes, "You disgust me." The redhead said and started walking away from the coffee machine, maybe it wasn't a good idea to get some decaf right now, specially with Mark following suit. "Could you stop chasing me?" She snapped, turning around to face him.

"Talk to me, Addison."

"I swear I'm going to fill a restraining order on you, Mark." She said, both hands on her hips, feeling the anger rising. "Just because Derek isn't here, it doesn't give you the right to chase me around like you're haunting me or something like that."

He chuckled, "So he _is_ gone."

"None of your business!" She exclaimed and started to walk away again.

"He left you already?!" He yelled as she kept walking down the corridor, disappearing as she walked through a curve.

…...

Later that same evening Addison received a page from her less favorite person at the moment. Even if her soul ached knowing they used to be good friends, having the alive reminder that she cheated on her husband was not a pleasant picture. She figured she was being paged to be teased, so she decided to ignore it and just sat there in the cafeteria sipping her decaf. She had just finished a c-section and needed to take a little rest before coming back to work. Her feet were killing her.

A couple minutes later she received another page from Sloan and one from Preston Burke as well. This time she tossed her coffee on a garbage can and decided to make her way towards the exam room she was being called at. She got there and found chaos.

"There she is!" Mark shouted as the nurses were around the patient on the bed, checking vitals. "I thought I had paged you!"

"You did, but I thought you were just messing around." She said, walking in and grabbing the chart from the end of the bed.

"A 911 page for just messing around, for real?" Mark scoffed.

Miranda Bailey rolled her eyes, "Okay, children! Order in the court! Addison, she just got to the ER, sixteen weeks pregnant, her name is Lily Sanders, she's twenty years old. We suspect she's having a miscarriage, has cramps and her boyfriend says she fainted and started bleeding…"

"I got it, thank you Miranda." Addison nodded and walked towards the patient.

Her mind was now focused on the petite woman lying on the exam table, who had her eyes shut in pain, but her mind also wondered why on earth Mark Sloan was inside this room.

Addison examined the twenty year old woman and as Miranda had suspected, she was having a miscarriage. It tore her heart to see Lily this sad and furious as she had to push for her diseased baby to get out of her womb. That was the sad part of her job: having to witness these kind of episodes.

...

Another rainy night in Seattle, another night which she felt exhausted and felt like taking a thirty hour nap. Addison arrived at her apartment after quite a day and was greeted by a happy Doc. She smiled at the creature that barked and jumped around, trying to catch her attention.

Addison took off her heels and sat down on the floor, allowing Doc a better access to lick her face and be caressed by her gifted surgeon hands.

"You missed me, huh?" She chuckled as the beast kept on licking her face. For a woman who had been raised in Connecticut and had learned manners and fancy ways of behaving: she was the opposite when no around those people. She was free and goofy and wanted to play with animals that would lick her face non-stop.

The phone started ringing and as much as she was loving the affection, she stood up slowly and went to answer the call. "Hey!" Her husband voice replied as soon as the call was answered.

"Hi!" She replied, her smile widening. "I missed you today, how's Boston?"

"Boston's… Boston is great! I missed you too. How are you? How's our little fella?"

Addison had to chuckle at that, "Our '_little fella'_ is doing just fine. Not as much vomiting as I expected, and I was able to drink my decaf in peace. So we're good." She said, obviously avoiding her chat with their former best friend.

Derek smiled, "It's good to hear your voice."

She blushed a little at that statement and moved to the couch in the living room, getting comfortable, "You too." Addison replied softly, "How are the neuro nerds doing?"

"Oh. Um… they- They're great. Haven't seen most of them, since I've barely left my hotel room… ha… um, but I'll probably see more of them tomorrow."

"Do you think Lara Baker might be there?" Addison laughed.

"I… maybe? I don't know. I don't think so." He sounded unsure and a little weird.

"Well if she is there, don't allow her to flirt. Repeat remarcable times that you have a lovely wife waiting for you at the other end of the country, understood?" She teased.

"Understood."

"Good."

"I… I've got to go. But I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too. Bye."

"Bye!" She said, hanging up first.

…

Derek left his phone on his pocket and turned around to meet the nurse's eyes, "The CT scan results you asked for." Alice, the nurse, handed them to him.

He smiled friendly at her and accepted them, immediately opening the file and examining the scans. Derek had to let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "No wonder chemo didn't help that much. Thanks… uh, Alice, right?"

"Correct." The nurse nodded and smiled sympathetically, obviously charmed by McDreamy.

"Tell Doctor Smith I'll be there in a minute."

…

Derek approached Doctor Lilah Smith, who was standing in front of their patient's room, watching her sleep.

"I think I can try." Derek said, announcing his presence.

Smith looked at him, "You've been here a day, checked a couple of results and already know what to do? Wow, I'm surprised you don't have a Harper Avery yet." The woman scoffed and folded her arms over her chest.

"She means a lot to me, I'd do whatever possible if that would give her at least a couple more months of time."

"Or not even a day." Smith had to remark. "It's risky. It's messy. She's old, fragile."

"Old she is, fragile? Never." Derek had to smile a little, watching her sleep peacefully, "She's everything but fragile. Annoying? Stubborn? Exigent? Totally. But fragile? Nah." He had to shook his head. "I think we can start tomorrow morning."

"If by morning you mean afternoon, that's fine by me. You must be jetlag." Lilah had to chuckle, now turning to watch the yee bags under his eyes.

He rolled his eyes, "Well yeah, the afternoon. Whatever. I think we can start tomorrow."

"Why do you care so much? I mean, what did she do that you care so much?"

Derek smiled softly, "She's been there for us. Me and my wife. Mostly my wife. If it wasn't for her, I don't think I would have ever married her. She might be an annoying old woman, but she's a lovable person, talented surgeon. Compassionate. Once you get to know her properly, you will never want to stop knowing her."

"Sounds like she was your mistress."

Derek winced at that comment, but chuckled lightly, knowing Meredith had nothing to do with this, "That's not funny."

"It is to me." Lilah chuckled and turned around, leaving him alone, staring at Vivian.

….

The next day started as he didn't want it to start. Apparently Vivian had a seizure and he wasn't in by that time, thank God nurses and Doctor Smith could stop it before it got worse. As Derek entered her hospital bedroom, she looked up with a cocky grin.

"I scared you, didn't I?" Vivian said.

He rolled his eyes playfully at her and walked towards her, "Not funny."

"Shep, we need to talk."

"Don't do this." He begged, taking a sit at the edge of her bed, careful not to squeeze her in any possible way.

Vivian smiled friendly at him, "Derek, the surgery might or not might work today. And I know I made you fly to the other end of the country and obligated Richard to let you and I even bribed chief Samuels for him to let you in here, but it's time to be realistic. I'm dying."

"Vivian, I know. I don't need to hear it from you, I know. I just… I want to help you."

"I know you do, but we _have_ to have this conversation." She smiled at him, as much as she could, "If I die on the table, I want you to give Addie something."

"Viv…"

"Let me finish!" The old woman requested, "Inside my purse there's an envelope and a plastic bag with a bracelet inside. _My _bracelet. If I die today or tomorrow or soon… I want you to give those things to Addison. I know she'll be crushed when you tell her, and she'll hate you and scream at you. I know her. But she loves you, always had, always will… she'll forgive you and hopefully she'll forgive me too."

He nodded in understanding, a sad expression on his face, "What's inside the envelope?"

"Just a letter I wrote for her. Mainly explaining why you were obligated to lie to her." Vivian chuckled lightly, "But I also thank her for the best times of my life, when I went to your wedding, when she did her first solo surgery, the first time she corrected me in the OR… memorable times that made me grow as a person. And congratulations on the baby, as well."

"You know that?"

"Richard mentioned it, you know he's a gossiper."

Both laughed at that, "You two will be incredible parents."

He blinked away some tears, "Thanks Vivian."

"Take care of her. Promise me you'll take care of her."

"I will."

"Good. When you tell her don't give the things to her, give her some time and then give them to her. Plus, you've got to go visit me at the cemetery! Or I'll ghost you."

Derek chuckled and nodded, "We will. But you won't die."

"Derek, dear. Either way, I won't survive that long. If brain cancer doesn't kill me, skin cancer will. Now come over here, let me hug you."

Derek's heart broke after realizing that his help wouldn't be that helpful, and it also broke because he knew Addison wasn't going to take the news alright. He stood up from the bed and walked towards her, wrapping his arms around her, careful not to break her.

"Honey, I'm not a porcelain figure, you can squeeze." She giggled and patted his back twice.

He did as told and squeezed her a little, his eyes shut. Vivian had been such an important part of their lives and Addison wasn't going to get to say goodbye, but he wanted to respect Vivian's wishes, so he wasn't going to call her randomly and ask her to fly over there.

…..

_four days later…_

She groaned out loud, running a hand through her hair, "For God's sakes! No, no, no, no! Richard, I'm being realistic, he's being childish, can't you see?!" The redhead pointed at Mark who was sitting on the chair next to her at the Chief's office.

"Chill, red." The plastic surgeon said.

"Doctor Addison Shepherd to you, Doctor Sloan." She rolled her eyes and folded her arms over her chest.

Richard sighed out loud and watched both surgeons in front of him for a second, "I'm not saying this because Addison is my favorite…" He now looked at Mark only, "...but she's right. You can't do that to a pregnant woman in her thirties, who has second degree burns and is thirty four weeks pregnant. That's not acceptable at all."

"Thank you, Richard." She sighed with relief and smiled sweetly at her former mentor.

Mark rolled his eyes, "The woman is dying, she hates her aspect, she's been begging dear God for her skin to stop aching…"

"Exactly Mark, she's dying. Right now she might be worried about her aspect but there's also her own health and a baby's health on the line. You can't just simply schedule surgery without my permission!"

"She's my patient!" Mark exclaimed at the woman sitting next to him.

Addison scoffed, "She became my patient first." She said firmly, looking at him with a little annoyance on her expression.

"I was just trying to help." Mark shrugged.

The redhead rolled her eyes at him and then came to a realization: she had surgeries and things besides this stubborn-Mark-drama. Addison removed her long sleeve from her wrist to take a look at her watch, "I'm sorry Richard, I have a c-section scheduled in twenty minutes so, I'll leave you two alone." She stood up and nodded at Richard as a goodbye.

"Bye Addie, see you later rockstar!" The chief said with a short giggle.

"Rockstar?!" Mark scoffed and shook his head.

Addison didn't pay attention and exited Richard's office with the best face she could put on. As soon as she was some feet away she sighed heavily, letting the whole 'I'm okay' facade fade away from her features. She rested her back against a wall and ran a hand through her face, feeling defeated, exhausted, tired, nauseas.

Suddenly his face was again on her view and she had to scoff at his mischievous grin, "You went to dadda because a boy bothered you in the playground? Really red?" He had to let out a sarcastic laugh, just to make her feel even more absurd, "You're not so victorious now, right? I mean, your husband is what? At Boston? The man who was the father of the baby you aborted is now here, trying to do his job and you're miserable…"

"Your point?" She folded her arms over her chest.

"My point is that you might need a friend."

"Oh and you're considering yourself a good friend now?" She scoffs and can't help but chuckle at that.

"Whatever." He started walking away from her and she couldn't help but even think about it: Would they ever be friends again? The golden friends, the three musketeers, the perfect pair and the extra, the fishermen and the redhead… would they be like that again?

After that little question she wondered for about five minutes, still standing in the middle of the hospital corridor, watching people walk by, she decided to go get ready for her next surgery, determined to bring a baby to the world and keep mother and child healthy.

When she cut open that woman and let her child lay on her chest, her emotions were a little blurred. Since med school it has always been Derek, Mark and her, but now things were different. She slept with Mark and almost ended her marriage, she lost a child and hid the truth to the father of it, and now she's looking down at that mother, her husband and newborn, and all she can think about is that she will experience that picture someday.

Even if it hurts, she would like Mark to be there. Not in the delivery room but near, that day after labor, after their child is born… she wishes her child will be able to meet uncle Mark and sometimes see him join them for diner and bring their kid candy in 'secret'. She had to chuckle at that and kept on working her hands on the woman on the table, closing her up and muttering a congratulations to her husband when he looked up to meet her gaze and smile as a thank you.

She went home alone, expecting Derek to call anytime now. As she laid down on their brand new couch inside their box-filled apartment, she gave in and took a deep breath. It had been an overwhelming day and all her muscles tensed up as she let herself finally relax. The phone started ringing and she had to move all the way to the other end to the couch where her purse was, with some effort she took the phone out of her purse and replied to the call, "Hey." Her smile grew a little as she heard him on the other end of the phone.

"You're awake!" He sounded glad to hear her voice and that made her even more happy, but he didn't sound so excited or energetical.

"I am. I just got home." She said in a tired voice, but still there was a hint of joy after hearing his cheerful voice.

"This late?" He asked, his voice still not so energetical.

"It was a long day."

"How's _baby _doing?"

She chuckled, "Baby is fine, stubborn. I couldn't go anywhere near anything that smelled like coffee today."

"Aw… I miss you and the morning sickness." He joked, making her giggle.

"Well, you're at the airport already, right?"

"Yeah. My flight is in exactly… forty seven minutes." He sighed, looking down at the envelope he was holding on his hand.

"I can't wait to see you." Addison said, taking off her pointed heels as she kept the phone to her ear.

"Don't wait for me, you need to rest." Derek lectured her, still not sounding like himself.

"Who said I was going to wait for you?"

He had to laugh a little, "Your libido after a week with no sex said so."

She scoffed harshly, "I can practice celibacy, Derek. It's not like I'm horny or anything."

He rolled his eyes but his smile remained, "I can't wait to see you."

Addison took a warm shower, put on some pajamas and got inside bed before she expected she would. The excitement of knowing that her husband was on his way here was causing her heart to go faster, but one way or another her eyes went shut.

He arrived at five am that morning and took a cab to their cozy apartment. Derek didn't want to wake her up by making any sound that could bother her, so when he opened the door to their apartment, he was determined to change into his pajamas slowly and quietly and then have some sleep in bed next to her, thinking that sleep would help him to regain some strength to tell her the news. But his plans were completely crushed, because as he stepped in, paws were hear and Doc barked and ran around happy to see him.

Derek's smile couldn't be helped as he knelt down and caressed Doc with both his hands, "Hey Doc!" He said with enthusiasm, trying his best not to be too loud, "Shhh, quiet." He ordered as the happy canine let out another bark.

Suddenly his eyes were caught by her, he looked up and there she was, on the door frame to their bedroom, looking at him with a bright smile. "Hey." He said softly, standing up and walking towards her.

Addison took a few steps as well and embraced her husband tightly, "Ah, I missed you." She said, closing her eyes, letting herself feel calm by his scent and his warmth.

"I missed you too. Sorry I woke you up." He said, still squeezing her on his arms, their embrace making him better.

She chuckled softly, "You didn't, Doc did."

He had missed her and all he wanted was to hold her and never let go. It had been a whole week of sad moments and depressing nights.

They both climbed in bed after Derek was on an old t-shirt and boxers, not feeling the urge to put on real pajamas. He pulled her closer to him to have his chest resting against her back, cuddling her into a spoon position, tangling legs and everything.

Suddenly Addison turned around in his arms and faced him, "How was the conference?"

"I thought you wanted to sleep." He said, trying his best to push the theme, not wanting to keep lying to her face.

"I have the whole weekend for that," She smiled, " how was it?"

Derek smiled a little at her precious eyes and replied; "I rather sleep, it was a long flight." He said, running a hand through his wife's red hair.

"Alright. Are you okay, honey?" She asked, caressing his cheek with her thumb. Addison could notice there was something else than just exhaustion on his face, but couldn't quite put her finger on it.

Derek nodded slowly, "Yeah, I'm just tired. Aren't you tired?" He reached to kiss the top of her head and rest a hand against her flat stomach, where their baby was developing.

Addison didn't reply just got closer to her husband and let him wrap his arms tightly around her, allowing her to feel like she was in a cocoon. Their legs tangled as they both drifted to sleep, Addison feeling relieved to have him back and Derek, guilty growing but also exhaustion.

…..

_yes, i did THAT. i'm sorry!1 i fell in love with the vivian carlsmith storyline when i saw it on PP and decided that maybe incorporating that here would be a good idea._

_review pls!_


	16. Chapter 16

He woke up alone in bed, hearing the sound of a giggling Addison. His heart hurt knowing he would have to tell her at some point and hopefully soon before she would hear it from someone else. He stood up from bed, wrapped himself on his robe and went into the living room to spot his wife eating ice cream and seeing Doc chasing his tail; which made her giggle.

"It's a little too cold for ice cream, don't you think?" Derek said, looking out the window where he could see the grey clouds all over the city.

She turned to look at him, "At first I craved waffles but you were asleep and I didn't want to wake my handsome chef." Addison said, smiling at him.

He tried his best on smiling back and moved to the couch, sitting next to her, "Had a good sleep?"

"I did. But it was a shame to wake up without you there." He said, kissing the side of her neck.

She giggled again, "Well, now that you're awake and responsive, how was it? Did you have fun? Too many nerds?" Addison asked, starting to feel a little strange since her husband had been trying to avoid the subject.

"Actually, I want to talk about that because I… It's not what you think it is." He spilled, taking the ice cream from her hands and leaving it on the coffee table.

She looked a little torn, not understand why he was acting so strange, "Derek, what happened?" Addison could sense there was something wrong.

He took a deep breath and grabbed both of her hands, "I didn't go to Boston. I went to New York."

Her jaw fell open, confused as to what was happening. "Wha- how? I mean, why New York?"

"Vivian called."

"Vivian your aunt or Vivian my… my Vivian?" She frowned at him.

He looked down, his smile from before had faded away, "Vivian Carlsmith." Derek looked into her eyes and rubbed his thumbs against her hands, "She… she was ill and needed my help. She didn't want you to know so I went over there and told you I was going to a neurology thing. I'm so sorry Addison."

She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out, so she just stared at him, brows frowned, sad eyes.

"It was cancer. It was advanced. Skin and brain cancer...I operated but she… she died on the table."

She shook her head, "There's no way." Addison laughed nervously.

"I'm so sorry Addie." His eyes looked at her, "I wanted to tell you from the very beginning, but Vivian asked me not to."

She shook her head again and pushed her hands off of his, she stood up and started pacing the room as she usually did when she was upset, "So she died." She stated, running a hand through her hair, and her other hand was on her hip.

"She did."

"How could you not tell me!?" She raised her voice, staring at him. The tears starting to built up, "Oh my God. I couldn't say goodbye! Derek, how could you keep this from me?! She was my mentor. Hell, she was like a mother to me!" Addison shouted angrily.

"Addie…"

"No! No! I had a crappy week, Derek. A really long and crappy week. And then you come back here and you not only _lied_ to me, you also hid this from me! Why?! I can't even… If your mother was dying I would say: 'Fuck her wishes, I'm telling Derek.' You on the other hand? You follow suit and don't give a damn about me or what I would feel!" Addison said, pressing two fingers to her temple, wishing her eyes could stop building tears, because she did not want to cry.

Derek stood up from his spot on the couch and walked towards her.

"Stay the hell away from me! I'm sad and I'm mad and overwhelmed and… just go." She asked him, her voice breaking. "Go!"

"Addison... "

"No! I don't want to talk to you. You lie to me, you hide _such _thing from me and then… just go!" She replied angrily and sadly as well.

Derek knew she needed space to process the news, so he went into the kitchen and heard his wife getting inside the main bedroom and slamming the door behind her. After this he went into the living room again and sat down on the couch. He rested in there and watched Doc approach the door to their bedroom, he scratched it a couple times and then it opened, allowing him in, after that it shut again and Derek was left alone. He heard her cry and when he tried to go inside their room, he noticed she had locked the door.

It was overwhelming, because he hated himself for this and now his wife hated him.

He sat down and looked outside the window, running a hand through his hair, letting out a frustrated sigh. Hours went by and he woke up to the sound of the door being unlocked and Addison coming out of it, wearing jeans, water boots and a coat over a blue blouse. She didn't even look at him, just walked towards the table near the entry of their home and grabbed Doc's leash.

"Addie, where are you going?"

"To clear my mind." She said, and went away as fast as she could.

/

Hours passed and a thunderstorm was now on. He was worried about his wife so he tried calling her, but she obviously left her purse, which contained her phone and the keys of their apartment. Derek decided to take a hot shower to clear his mind and after that, still wrapped in a towel, he went into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of scotch, waiting for Addison to show up.

Suddenly he heard the scratches against the front door and a knock on it too. He walked over there and opened it, revealing a dripping water redhead and a dripping water dog. He didn't say a word just let her in and walked quickly to get two towels, one for her and one for Doc. He came back and saw her taking of her dripping wet coat and jeans, now standing barefoot and only wearing a damp blouse and panties, inside their kitchen.

Derek gave her the towel, she muttered a thank you and started getting herself as dry as possible, while he got Doc dry.

"Addie…" He started speaking, seeing her struggle with her wet hair and the blouse that wouldn't come off because it kept getting attached to her because of the water.

She shook her head, "Don't talk to me. Don't try to help me. Just.. don't." She said, her voice breaking.

Derek didn't listen and just walked closer to her, he wrapped his arms around her and she miraculously just let him hold her. "I'm sorry Addie. I'm so, deeply sorry." He said, holding her head against his chest, letting her cry in there. He didn't care if her skin was cold from the water or her damp hair would make him shiver.

Her tears and gasps of air after every cry were making his heart ache and make him feel deeply awful. Derek just held her as close as possible and caressed her back even if it was sort of tricky as she kept on crying. "She sent you hugs and so much love." He commented.

She kept on crying, so he kissed the top of her head and said, "I love you, I'm here for you. I won't leave. I'm here." Derek kept repeating.

After a couple of minutes she started to calm down and hugged him back, "I can't believe she's gone." Addison whispered.

"I should have told you." He said, regret in his voice.

She shook her head against his shoulder, "No. It's what she wanted. You did good on not telling me." Addison said as she slowly pulled away from him and met his sad eyes and sad smile. "Thank you for trying to help her. She must have been terrified to call you."

"You don't have to thank me. I did what I could." He assured her, "I'm sorry for ruining our weekend. I know you were excited for me to come back." Derek said, tucking a strand of damp hair behind her ear.

"It's okay." Addison said, trying to smile, "I'm sorry for snapping at you like that."

"Don't apologize, you're upset. It's understandable." Derek said and pushed her towards him for another hug.

She held him close and kissed his bare shoulder, "I just wish I could have been there."

"I know." He nodded slowly.

Addison pulled away from his embrace, "I need to get out of this blouse, care to help?"

He gestured for her to put her arms up and helped her out of it. After she took it off, she went into their bedroom, had a warm bath and dried her hair. Derek went inside his bedroom after forty minutes since her arrival and found her on bed, wearing pajamas and staring at the ceiling in bed.

Derek put on some pajamas and took the envelope and bracelet from his suitcase, he walked slowly towards her, who was still looking at the ceiling. "Vivian wanted me to give you this." He said, sitting on the edge of the bed, catching her attention with those words.

She sat up slowly and took the envelope and plastic bag from his hands. "I'll be in the kitchen." Derek said, leaving her in there to read what her mentor had written for her and what she had left for her.

Slowly she opened the envelope and her eyes caught what she knew it was Vivian's handwriting. She was the only doctor she ever met that had proper handwriting, not a sloppy sort of handwriting.

.

"_Dear Addison,_

_I'm sorry for forcing your husband to hide this from you, I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance to say goodbye, but I thought at least I'd say goodbye. I was never a family kind of person, but I know you were mine somehow. I'm proud and content to know that I leave something behind that's not just knowledge on the medical field; I taught you things, I saw you grow into the brave young woman you are. Even if you got the poison oak down there, even if you still get too attached to patients, I know that's what makes you you. And I'm proud of you. Don't miss me! Well… you can miss me a little. _

_Thank you dear, for being such a big part of my life and career, you'll never be forgotten and I'm forever grateful to be your mentor and your co-worker. The bag has my bracelet. I never told you what it meant because I knew I would give it to you in a special occasion. _

'_Facere quod facit beatus' means 'Do what brings you joy'._

_Do what brings you joy, dear. Follow your heart when your mind gets stubborn._

_Forgive Derek, he was just trying to help, and he accidentally told me you're expecting a baby, which I'm deeply happy to hear. I know you two will do an amazing job and that kid will be gorgeous, hopefully it has your strength and your skills in the OR. _

_I loved you with every fiber of my heart, and will keep doing it converted in corps._

_Love,_

_Vivian Carlsmith_

_._

Addison let the tears flow down her cheeks and caressed her low stomach, feeling deeply thankful of what Vivian had written, and feeling a little annoyed by Derek sharing the story of the poison oak, which was not something she wanted to be reminded of. She laughed out loud, thinking Vivian would have had a blast hearing about that incident.

She opened the bag slowly and met the gold bracelet she had always wondered what it said. Her smile grew wider as she put it on and looked down at it, thinking about the powerful message it had. She took a deep breath and muttered: "Oh, Vivian."

…..

Addison calmed down and went into the living room, where her handsome husband was playing with Doc's ears. "Hey." She said softly, sitting next to him.

"Hey." Derek said softly, now paying attention to his wife, "Are you alright?"

"I will be." She nodded slightly and got closer to him. She had puffy eyes, so it was evident she had been crying.

Derek got closer as well and let her rest against him.

"Derek…"

"Hm?"

"Can you please cook me some waffles?" She asked, kissing the side of his neck.

He had to chuckle, "Waffles, huh?"

"I'm eleven weeks pregnant, I have my cravings. Cook for me or I'll start whining."

"Addison…"

"And add blueberries to the mix." Addison demanded.

Derek chuckled again at her cuteness and determination on making him cook, so he stood up slowly and went into the kitchen to start cooking. Addison followed him and sat down to stare at her cooked around. "So… are you going to tell me about your crappy week?"

She looked away, "I don't know."

"I won't murder Mark if he's the issue. I might vandalize his car, but nothing else." He joked, looking at her.

She looked his way and smiled softly at him, "Fine. It was just… a crappy week." Addison sighed, "Mark always following me around, trying to act flirty or something, and then there were these cases that were just too sad. I had to keep Mark from performing plastic surgery on a pregnant patient yesterday and it was overwhelming. I don't know… It was just a crappy week and you weren't here. And I missed you. And you missed the ultrasound and I just… It was a crappy week."

Derek looked at her with a sad smile on his lips and walked closer to her, wrapping his arms around her, "I'm sorry honey."

She just let him hold her for a while and then pulled away, "Our little fella looked amazing, by the way. Its developing as it should and I even saw it kick! I mean I didn't feel it but I saw it." Her smile grew wider as she kept talking about their baby.

His smile grew wider as well, "I can't believe I missed that!"

"It's alright, you'll see the next." She said, cupping his jaw, "Now, cook!"

He did as told and kept asking questions about their unborn baby.

After he had fed his beautiful wife and unborn child, not to mention himself, he proceeded to do the dishes while Addison ate the rest of the blueberries. Derek couldn't help but chuckle at her increased appetite.

"Don't judge me. You did this to me." She said sharply, filling her mouth with blueberries. "It's not funny." She said in between bites.

He shook his head, smiling charmly at his wife and kissed her fully on the lips, she had to push him away. "You didn't like that?" He questioned.

"I did. I… I want more of that. But blueberries come first."

/

"Do blueberries still come first?" He asked as he laid her gently on their bed.

She chuckled and nodded her head no, grabbing him by the back of his head, kissing him deeply. He found himself gasping for air, "Addison…" He breathed as she started kissing down his neck to his exposed chest.

She chuckled lightly as she kept on kissing his skin, "This is your payment for a week on no sex." She whispered against his ear. "And I'm horny which is also your fault."

He shut her up kissing her incorporating his tongue before she could keep on talking. As things started to get more heaten up, the phone rang.

"Dammit!" She exclaimed, getting off of him and grabbing the phone, "Doctor Addison Shepherd."

"It's Carla Applewhite. It doesn't look good." Meredith Grey said on the phone.

"Doctor Grey? What's going on?"

"The baby is in distress and nurses are having a hard time keeping her without moving… we- we don't know what to do." The intern said.

Addison sighed, "I'll be there in ten."

She hung up the phone and turned to Derek, "Burned patient, baby's in distress…"

"I'll go with you."

"No, you stay." She asked him as she started putting on clothes the fastest she could.

"Why?"

"Because you will be a reminder that we didn't have sex and that will make me want to pin you against a wall, alright? Just stay. I'll be fine. I'll call you." Addison said.

Derek nodded, "Okay, take care."

/

It had been a long and rough night, disgusting and exhausting one as well. There she was, sitting on a supply closet being held by someone she never imagined she'd let hold her. He kept running a hand through her hair and try to calm her down, she was clearly upset and tired.

"Addison, you need to go talk to the husband." Mark encouraged for the fourth time now.

She nodded her head no and shut her eyes, "I can't. I can't! God, I feel awful."

He squeezed her shoulder showing support, "I'll go, it's my fault anyway."

"I'm not arguing against that and you know it." She said, her voice firm.

"Hey, I hate you too but at least I act decent about it."

"Just shut up." Addison snapped, running a hand through her own hair, still resting against Mark's body.

"I'll tell the chief it was my fault." He said.

She nodded her head no, "Richard won't give a damn, whether you operated or not, he'll be furious at me for not keeping an eye on your stubborn ass."

"At least I didn't run away. Plus I offered you a shoulder to cry on."

"I know, I'm sorry. It's just… I'm… I'm not okay Mark. You are an asshole on a daily basis…"

"Wow, thanks for that."

"...And I couldn't see Derek all week, my hormones are diabolic, Vivian is dead, I'm getting fat. I'm just, I'm tired." Addison let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding and allowed her head to fall even freer on Mark's shoulder.

"Derek's aunt died?!"

"No, no. Vivian Carlsmith died. Derek never went to Boston, he went to New York to help Vivian."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that."

"I hate this." Addison sighed heavily, "Worst of all you're nice to me after all that I've done to you, how?" She said, pushing herself off of him to make eye contact.

He shrugged, "I guess I'm lonely over here. I miss you guys and even if you aborted my baby and Derek wants to murder me, I don't want to leave this place."

"About that… I… I never aborted." She said, looking down at her hands.

"Are you saying this one is…" He pointed at her flat stomach.

She hit his hand, "No! God, no. Are you really a surgeon?!"

"Then how come?"

"I lost your baby. I suddenly just bled and I had lost it." She said slowly and with a sweeter tone, looking into his eyes that started filling with sadness.

"Addison."

"I didn't tell you because I guess I had prefer you would hate me forever than for you to feel sorry for me and help me with recovery, but I never loved you like you did love me. I thought I was in love but I was in love with the idea of not being left alone."

"You should have told me."

"I couldn't."

"Is your baby okay though? I mean, this one. If you had a miscarriage maybe your womb…"

She smiled a little at the mention of her growing unborn child, "This one is fine. It's more than fine. Mark, please know I didn't want to hurt you. I shouldn't have let you kiss me that night and I shouldn't have done anything or allowed anything of _it _to happen. I'm truly sorry for breaking your relationship with Derek." Addison said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"You didn't break anything, Red. He did. He didn't show up for both of us and I ended up falling for you when you were down. I should be the one asking for forgiveness, not you."

She nodded slightly and started to stand up, "Thanks for the chat. I'll go talk to Katie's husband."

"I'll go with you." He offered.

She shook her head no, "No. It's my responsibility."

Addison left Mark alone in there and went to tell Katie's husband, Gavin, about all that had happened and why her wife had died. Gavin was upset and cried and yelled but eventually gave in and let Addison guide him to meet his son.

After explaining Richard what had happened she made her way to the attendings locker room. He called their apartment's number and waited for her husband to pick up, his sleepy tired voice responded with a "Doctor Derek Shepherd."

"Hey, it's me." Addison said, playing with her rings on her left hand.

"Hi. Did something happen?" He asked, the worry evident behind the exhaustion.

"No, no. I just needed to hear your voice. Sorry if I woke you up."

"You didn't."

She had to half scoff- half chuckle, "We both know I did."

"Fine you did."

"I just finished surgery. I'll be home soon."

"Good. It's never a good sleep without you in bed next to me."

Addison chuckled, a smile growing on her lips, "Oh shut up, romantic. I love you. See you."

"I love you too." He said.

Addison hung up the call and tossed her phone into her locker.

/

She opened the door to her apartment and ignored the look Derek gave her when her exhausted and reddish eyes walked into the apartment. Addison locked the door, she let all her belongings fall into the floor not giving a damn, and walked towards her husband, that was eating a sandwich.

Addison sighed and smiled softly at his confused and worried look and then wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him closer. She embraced him and started sobbing on his shoulder. Derek not understanding what was the matter, slowly wrapped his arms around her and held her while she cried.

"Addie…"

"Just hold me." She said as she snuggled her head closer to the curve of his neck and shoulder, shutting her eyes as the tears kept falling.

So he just stood there, still holding his half eaten sandwich and also holding an overwhelmed redhead that seemed to never let go of him.

….

_review?_


	17. Chapter 17

After the whole hugging, the rambling started, and from the rambling, the crying started. Now they were on the stage where no one talked and they just stared sadly at each other.

"I think it's alright." He said.

She stood up from the couch, "Derek, I quit my job for God's sakes!"

"And it's alright!" He exclaimed.

And now? Now the yelling started.

"No! It's not alright, Derek. We've got a baby on the way and I quit out of nowhere! I love my job, I don't even know why I did it." She said, doing angry gestures with her hands as she usually did.

He stood up from his pot on the couch, "Addison, calm down."

"I can't calm down!"

"We have your trust fund!"

"Oh, _now _we can use my trust fund!" She scoffed.

He rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair, "Addison, every single hospital in the country would want you."

"You think I'm not aware?!" She raised her voice.

He sighed, "Why are you so angry then?" Derek asked, trying to keep calm.

She groaned, "I have no idea!", Addison ran a hand through her hair, frustrated. "Why can't you yell at me back?! You never yell back! You used to yell back."

"Addison…"

"No, Derek. You used to yell back at me and I would truly realize I did something wrong and now you're just stare and don't yell. Yell!" Addison encouraged.

"Fine, I'll go to bed and when you feel out of your… whatever it is that is going on with you… we can chat about this like civilized adults."

"What?! No! Who am I going to yell at?!"

"Addison, what is the problem?!" Now he exploded and decided to yell, "What is the issue?!"

She looked at him and just stared at him, speechless from the magnitude of his voice.

"I told Mark it was a miscarriage and then I realized how devastating was Vivian's death and I just… I'm fat." She shrugged, glassy eyes still staring at him.

He walked towards her and grabbed both of her hands. "You're not going to yell at me?" Addison asked.

"You are not fat, you're gorgeous and I love your pregnancy changes. It's okay that you told Mark, even if it hurts me that he's around and you had a chat with him, I understand why you told him. I will never forgive me for going over there alone, but Vivian died in peace and she certainly died filled with joy and smiles after knowing you were alright. Now shut up."

"Derek…"

"Shut up." He said firmly before he hugged her tightly, "You're not perfect and it's okay if you quit tonight. It was a crazy decision but we'll get through it and one way or another things will find its balance."

She closed her eyes, feeling much more relieved now. "Thank you." Addison whispered and caressed her husband's perfect curls.

"Maybe a little time off work will do you good." He said, patting her back, inhaling on her scent, her coconut shampoo that enchanted all his senses.

"Yeah, maybe…" Addison whispered.

He pulled away a few seconds later, "I'll go fill the tub for you." He smiled at her and disappeared inside of their bedroom.

/

"Hmm...Juju." She smiled softly receiving the cup from her husband.

"We used to drink juju when we needed good vibes, so I figured…"

"You bringing me hot cocoa to a bubble bath was sexy until you said 'good vibes'" Addison teased him and took a sip of the hot cocoa.

He rolled his eyes and kneeled next to the bath so he could kiss her forehead.

"Wait." She said when he started to stand up from the cold bathroom floor, "Why don't you join?"

"Addie…" he smiled at her enthusiasm.

"Come on. You have off until Monday and I quit tonight, so that means there's still some hours for you to recover from jet lag and I'm over here, your pretty and glowing wife… naked under this warm water, exposed, asking for company." Addison winked an eye at him.

"Addison!" he had to chuckle, his wife was irresistible but it was almost five in the morning and he was craving some sleep.

She smiled at him, "We didn't get to finish earlier and I truly, truly, truly missed you."

He couldn't say no, he might have been on the need of some sleep, but his wife was way more powerful. He took the cup of juju from her hands carefully and left it on a safe spot where no one would get burn, her mischievous grin grew a little wider when he took his shirt off and proceed to take the rest of his clothing off.

She had to bit her bottom lip as she watched him get inside the tub, he got in slowly, trying not to hurt her in any way. Now, both of them looking at each other on the eye, Addison wanted to make love to him. Tonight she didn't want meaningless sex, she wanted more. She wanted connection and she wanted him to make her feel loved and protected.

He caught that signal when she slowly grabbed his hand and rubbed her thumb on the back of it, her eyes had lust but also love in them, so he reciprocated the look and let her get closer.

The water surrounded them, and thank God the tub was a big one, because otherwise Addison would have not been able to wrap her legs around his waist and kiss him slowly and tenderly at first, but then passionately and deeply. "I love you." he breathed when they both parted their lips to get some air into their lungs.

She ran her hands through his hair as his hands were still supporting her on his lap, "I love you too." She kissed him again and then started kissing from his lips to his cheek, down his neck to his shoulder and up his shoulder to the back of his ear, sucking there, causing him to moan in ecstasy.

Addison pulled away and made eye contact with Derek. They both stared into each other's eyes and Derek undid her bow, tossing away her hair scrunchie and after that he ran his hands through her hair, admiring her beauty.

She started to try to raise herself from his lap and wasn't as successful as she thought she was going to, after all they hadn't had bathtub sexual intercourse in the last four years, but he got the message so he helped her up a little and when she nodded slightly at him, he let her slide down his length.

They both moaned at the same time and then kissed passionately once more, meanwhile they started working on their rhythm. He would help her and she would reciprocate until they found the perfect angle where they could keep their rhythm going with no interruptions.

After awhile she was getting near to her release and he knew this by her moans and the feeling of her against him but suddenly she made him stop, "Shh…" Addison whispered on his ear, drawing him closer, so she could kiss his warm and wet skin.

Derek sighed, he loved this part, "Addie… why did you.."

But before he would ask, she talked, "I want this to last, I don't want to orgasm because that would mean there would be a pause," Addison replied sweetly, cupping his jaw and looking directly into his lovely blue eyes, "... and I want to be with you tonight."

Derek nodded slightly and kissed her fully on the lips, slowing the pace, massaging her back as they kept on going.

Maybe nobody screamed in pleasure that night, but they clearly bonded and felt even more in love with one another, it sort of made them both remember how amazing they felt about each other, all the love their hearts felt and all the good they had found on each other. Making love that night made them both grow closer to each other even if that seemed impossible.

/

Tuesday came and there they were, staring at each other through the bathroom mirror, both disappointed their off time was done and Derek had to start getting ready for his comeback to work; "I googled some nail salon places, maybe I'll waste my time on that." Addison said, leaving her toothbrush where it belonged after brushing her teeth.

He looked at her and rolled his eyes, "You could have slept a little longer, you know? And if you do get your nails done, please not too sharp." Derek said.

"I never get them too sharp, I'm a surgeon, I cannot risk ripping the latex gloves."

"Well my skin _does _get ripped." He said, adding hair product to his hair.

She had to chuckle, "Not my fault that I get the need of scratching you."

"Oh, so you're complaining?" He scoffed dramatically.

She nodded her head no, "I'm not complaining, not at all. You should be flattered actually, I just told you you're good in bed."

"I know I just love it when you do that."

"Do what?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Raise your eyebrow whenever you get a critique." He smiled with such McDreamy-ness at her.

She rolled her eyes, "You're late for work."

"I also love it when you get annoyed, it's so cute and so sexy."

"Derek, it's not funny." She shot him a mad look.

"Wait, wait, wait… stop."

"What? What did I do now?" She said, both hands on her hips.

Derek grabbed her by the shoulders to turn her to the side, "Look." He pointed at the mirror, at her midsection specially.

"Oh my God." A smile crept all over her face and she cupped her small rounded belly.

He put his hands over hers and reciprocated the smile, "I love you and this baby."

"Derek can you please leave for work before I tackle you and never let go?" She asked, looking into his eyes.

He chuckled, "Alright," Derek kissed her stomach and whispered, "Take care of your momma", when he was on his full height, he kissed his wife's lips softly and said, "I love you. Call me if you need anything."

"I will." She nodded obediently and saw him walk out the bathroom door. After a couple seconds she heard the door being closed and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. They had barely discussed what happened the night she had told Mark about the miscarriage and Addison was scared as hell Derek would ask details.

One way or another she had to take her mind out of the subject and concentrate on something else: using her time today.

/

"So Doctor Montgomery Shepherd really quit?" Doctor Yang asked Derek.

Derek rolled his eyes, "Yes she did, Doctor Yang."

"For real?" Stevens asked, apparently needing a remark.

"Yes, Doctor Stevens, for real." Derek said and took a sip of his coffee, looking down to the chart he had been trying to work on for the past fifteen minutes, "Shouldn't you be somewhere doing something?"

"So… she quit, huh?" Preston asked as soon as both interns had went away.

"Yes, she quit."

"I don't blame her." Preston shrugged, "Is she coming back?"

"I don't know. I mean, she is eventually, I think. Addison can't survive without cutting, that's for sure." Derek said, taking another sip of the hot liquid, "Do you think Richard knows?"

"What do you mean?"

"The last time she quit was when Richard made her take care of a newborn that certainly wasn't going to make it, but he didn't believe that she actually quit, so he was surprised when she didn't show up the next few days."

"You think that's the case?"

"Probably."


	18. Chapter 18

I GOT LAZY AND IM SORRY AND I DECIDED TO SKIP A FEW WEEKS AND JUST WRITE THIS. BUT, HEY, ADDISON WAS SERIOUS ABOUT QUITTING SO NOW SHE DOESNT WORK, SHES JUST BORED ALL THE TIME AND DEREK HAS TO DEAL WITH THAT, SOON I WILL MAKE HER COME BACK TO SURGERY, FOR NOW ENJOY THIS REALLY SHORT AND FLUFFY CHAPTER !

—

It had been a long night shift and all he wanted was to take some rest, flop on bed and sleep for a year, well that didn't sound exaggerated on his thoughts anyway, but the point was that he wanted to rest. He got home and found a sleeping Addison on their fluffy white bed, sleeping on her left side, one hand on her baby bump and the other one under her pillow.

Derek walked slowly, trying not to excite Doc about his arrival or wake up his wife from it. Slowly he changed into his pajamas and then slipped into bed, facing her beautiful closed eyelids and her slightly swollen stomach. He had read an article that babies could hear outside the womb, but he didn't remember exactly at what week the fetus should be able to hear. Either way, suddenly he did not feel as tired as he thought he was.

He smiled and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, watching her chest rise and fall with every calmed breath and then cupped her rounded stomach. His smile grew wider and he got his face closer to his wife's midsection, "Hey baby." Derek whispered. "It's me, your dad." He chuckled a little, feeling silly for doing this.

"I've never spoken to you before because well… your mom is always around, but now that she won't disturb our privacy, I feel a little bit more comfortable. We can't wait to meet you, and I don't care if you're a boy or a girl, I'm gonna love you endlessly just like I love your mother, whom you're inside of by the way. She feeds you and she takes care of you and she has to carry you anywhere she goes… you're a lucky baby. Your mom and I love you very much and we just want you to come out here and freak us out."

Derek kissed her stomach and caressed the side of it slightly, careful of not waking Addison, "We're trying to figure out a nickname for you because we don't know your gender yet, but we've come up with some pretty good options actually. We've thought of '_baby'_, "_intruder"_, "_mini shepherd"_, "_kiddo"_, "_hobbit"_, "_muffin"_ and "_cutiepatooty" _but your mom doesn't like the last one. If you have a trauma with hobbits when you grow up, that's your mother's fault, she suggested that one."

Addison stirred a bit under his touch after a while but kept on sleeping.

"Besides blaming your mother for your future issues, I'm sure you'll be a nice kid. I really hope you will enjoy fishing with me when you grow up, it's fine if you don't, but a fishing buddy would be amazing, so if you're up for the job…" Derek chuckled at himself for what he was saying, "I don't really know what to say to you or anything… I just know that you changed our lives and will keep doing that. I love you for it, for bringing me even closer to your mama and for existing. You're the most treasurable little thing that ever happened to me." Derek said, as tears started to grow on his eyes, "You can be whatever you want, if you don't want to be a doctor like me and your mom it's just fine, you can be a writer, an astronaut or a… an actor! You can be whatever you want. We'll love you no matter what."

Derek sighed and took a few tears away from his cheeks, "Now, your aunts. This is a delicate subject. Your mom loves them all and she'll keep insisting that they're all nice and great, but it's all a scam, kiddo. Nothing is what it seems. It's okay if you like aunt Lizzie or aunt Kate, but aunt Nancy and Amelia are the dangerous ones. Aunt Amelia or how we also like to call her: Amy, she's funny and pretty, but she's extremely crazy, she'll probably promise taking you bungee jumping at some point but never say yes. As for aunt Nancy? She's extremely crazy too but not as much as Amy, she is indeed crazy in many different ways and if you turn out a boy she might dress you up as a girl as she did with me when we were kids. Aunt Kate is the boring aunt, so you might think twice if we ever give you the option of choosing your babysitter, and aunt Lizzie is sort of controlling but bakes amazing cakes so you might consider that option if aunt Nancy is not available."

And then he realized it: He was talking like they still lived in New York, surrounded by his crazy family. Or maybe he just felt like and imagined his family involved on his child's life. Either way, it was a strange overwhelming feeling, he had never cherished family this much, he actually even thought of giving Nancy a call the next morning or just send an email asking how they're doing.

"Um… I… well I might dislike your aunts and grandma at times but I still love them very much. I also love your cousins, who will love you too and will invite you to playdates when we visit them." Derek looked up to Addison beautiful eyelids that were closed now as she kept on sleeping profoundly.

"I'll put some Radiohead for you when you're born, no Mozart for babies crap, that's useless, your dad knows good music… as for your mom? Well, she doesn't have such bad taste."

"Derek…" She started to stir and fluttered her eyelids open, "You were talking to the baby?" Addison asked, sleepy.

He smiled and pushed himself up to kiss her forehead as a greeting, "We were just chatting, telling our little intruder about what he'll see when he arrives."

"Or she." Addison added, rubbing the curve of her stomach.

He nodded and allowed her to get closer to him, resting her head against his chest, "What do you think it is?"

"A girl." Addison chuckled, looking into his eyes.

He smiled at her, "You're the intuitive mother, I have no say in here."

"Oh shut up, you have a fifty per cent say, so do I." She chuckled.

"Alright then. I think it's a girl too."

"Are you saying that just to please me?"

"No. I mean, can it be both?"

"yes."

"Then both."

"Keep talking to her." She instructed, "Pretend I'm not here."

"It's impossible not to notice you're here." He said, and kissed her jaw before he kept on speaking to their _probably_ baby girl.


	19. Chapter 19

"All I'm saying is that maybe, just maybe, you could apologize and accept your old job." Derek said, sitting comfortably next to his wife on bed. He sighed, not really sure why he suggested that, maybe he was tired, maybe it wasn't so bad to have her back at work.

She rolled her eyes and nudged him on the ribs, "No, Derek. That's the whole point!"

He rubbed the spot she had nudged him at and looked at her with narrowed eyebrows, "Whole point of what?! You were a department head, what else do you want?"

"Correction, I was department head of OB/GYN, not neonatal." Addison said triumphantly, thinking that she had made a point.

"Addie, in a few months you'll have maternity leave, be realistic."

"I thought you were going to support me no matter what, what happened to that?" She nudged him again.

"Okay, stop that." He said, rubbing the same spot again.

"Sorry." She muttered.

"Reality happened, Addison. You're going to give birth and I just started working on the house… We haven't even told our family yet, we barely know if we're having a boy or a girl and you want to _demand _Richard to be department head of two departments."

"I hate you." She said under her breath.

"You love me." He softened his tone and searched for her eyes to look into his.

"No, I _hate _you right now." She said, giving him an upset look. She pointed her index finger at him, "I need to cut, Derek. Come on, you know the struggle."

"I do, but…" He gave up when she arched her eyebrows at him.

"Whatever, let's change the subject." She demanded politely, surprisingly not snapping or rolling eyes.

"Addison…"

"Just drop it, Derek. I'll think about talking to Richard about it, right now just… let's relax. You haven't been home since monday and I missed you." A little smile appeared on her lips and that made Derek a little bit more comfortable.

Deep inside his gut he didn't feel as thrilled as his wife about that suggestion, "Okay, I'm sorry. I just care about your career, I care about you, our future." He said nicely, rubbing her thigh.

"It's fine, and thank you for caring." She smiled friendly at her husband and cupped his jaw, "Now… baby names." She winked at him and took a little piece of folded paper out of her night stand, she handed it to him and waited for him to read.

His eyes widened a little, "These are boys names."

"I know." She nodded.

"Why boy names? I thought we…"

"Derek, we both know there's a 50 out of 100 percent chance it might be a boy and vise versa. And well, biologically we cannot choose the gender of our baby, so I selected those in case." She said, proud of herself.

"I like Nicholas and Jeremiah." Derek said, offering a gentle smile at her.

"Good because those are my favorite." She said, smiling, resting her head on the curve of his neck and shoulder, wrapping her arms around his strong arm.

"You didn't write Carson on this list though."

"Oh, but Carson is still an option."

"No it isn't." He nodded his head no and dropped the list of baby names on his own nightstand.

"Yes it is."

But before Derek could keep discussing it, his pager went off. Addison's smile faded quickly as he glanced at it, "Dammit, I have to go back."

"Can't someone else take it? I don't know, Nelson?" She was a surgeon too and understood the struggle of being paged, but still felt like she wanted to be a little selfish. She was emotional and bored and wanted her husband to cuddle her and cook for her, she was tired of having to prepare her own food, which sometimes she was a failure at, so she had to call some restaurant that had takeout service.

"I'm sorry, honey. I have to get this." He said, grabbing his coat, keys and phone. He kissed her cheek and promised to come back as soon as he could.

Being left alone wasn't the panorama she had for tonight, so she just walked inside the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. Doc was napping on the couch and she thought maybe she could join him, but her phone started to ring, which was unexpected.

She walked back into the bedroom and glanced at the called ID. It was Richard. She picked up, "Hello?"

"Addison!" Richard's alarmed voice said on the phone, "I know you quit, but we need you."

"On my way." She replied immediately and ended the call, she was wearing pajamas but there was no time for changing her clothing, so she put on the first pair of flats she could find and grabbed a baggy coat that would cover her night gown to its best.

Addison took her keys on one hand, her phone on the other and managed to leave the apartment as soon as she could, getting inside her mercedes and driving away to the hospital.

* * *

Whatever was going on it was big, for sure. Richard would have paged another surgeon to take Addison's place, but if they needed her it was for a reason. She rushed into the ER, finding chaos itself, George O'Malley looked like a lost puppy and Addison didn't know what to do first, find the chief? Talk to O'Malley? Find Miranda?

Suddenly she was dragged to an exam room, maybe she didn't realize that she didn't have to find anyone, they would find her. Addison blinked a couple times and grabbed the chart of the woman who was noticeably pregnant and lying on the exam table.

Reading the name on the chart she noticed she didn't know who this girl was and her eyes widened when she read her age, 17. A 17 year old was on the exam table and she was unaccompanied, according to the nurses that helped her in.

Alice McCarthy, that was her name. 31 weeks pregnant.

Addison examined her, and knew immediately what was going on. Still wearing her coat and night gown underneath, she asked Miranda for an intern to bring her clean scrubs and her sneakers from her locker, he demanded for an OR to be cleared and admitted Alice on a bed of her own.

"How is she?" Richard appears out of nowhere, causing her heart rate to speed up a little.

"Richard… you scared me." She said, posing a hand on her chest, "Do you know this girl?"

"I do. Her older brother was one of my interns five years ago, he died sadly."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, well. It's been a while, I just want to make sure she's alright, that's why I paged you, I want the best for her."

"You _called_ me."

"Isn't that what I said?"

"No, you said _paged_, almost like I'm still working here." She said, drawing sharp breath.

"I guess It's just a habit. I'm pretty sure Derek is already tired of my nagging to convince you to come back." He chuckles softly, adding a lighter mood to the situation.

"Yeah." She nodded, but she was confused. She didn't know that Richard wanted her back at work, she had no idea whatsoever, but now she had to focus on this young girl and her baby, not her own messy personal life, "The baby had some abnormal heart rate which ended up as fetal distress, which I already managed and she had moderate vaginal bleeding, I performed an eco but it wasn't uterine rupture as I had suspected, and found a placental abruption instead, so I'm performing an emergency c-section in ten minutes." Addison said rapidly, wondering if the Chief is keeping up to the pace of her words.

He nods in understanding, "Go get ready for surgery, I want to speak to her."

Addison nodded, seeing Richard enter the room and thought a little more about what the Chief had just told her, was Derek trying to keep her away from the hospital? Was it because he was into the intern again? Either way, she had to focus on her patient, so she took a deep breath and turned around, walking away. Then suddenly she was basically crashed by an intern, "Jesus, Grey- you almost tackle me." The redhead said.

"I'm sorry Doctor Shepherd, I had to take the stairs," She says panting, and offers her the scrubs she had asked for and the sneakers as well, accompanied by a pair of light blue socks.

"Thank you." Addison replied politely and took the items from the blonde intern, if she was already a little anxious about not being ready to operate yet and the fact that she had just found out that her husband was keeping some information from her, having to interact with Grey wasn't very appealing.

She made it to the OR just in time, Alicia was on the table ready to have surgery and she had just scrubbed in. She couldn't let her own anger and sorrow take over so instead of thinking about Derek and her relationship, she decided to think about this girl, whose future was going to change tonight. (Not to mention she was thrilled to operate, though.)

* * *

The delivery goes smooth and Addison gets to save the day, Alice gets to hold her adorable daughter, who she called Linda and everyone gets the happy ending. Except it's not quite like that.

Alice is recovering inside her own private room that Richard got for her, she's surprisingly conscious and Addison is exhausted. It's almost three am and her feet hurt, but she goes to check on her patient anyway.

"Doctor Shepherd." Alice greets softly, smiling a little, "Did you see her?"

"Of course I saw her, Linda is beautiful." Addison said, smiling down to the young woman, sitting on the edge of the bed, "I just checked on her, she's doing just fine for her size. I wanted to ask if we could call someone to come see you, so you're not too alone."

"Oh, no. Don't bother, really. I already explained uncle Richard about it… I'm alright alone."

"I know, I just want to make sure you're okay."

"Would you be okay, going through surgery because a cop raped you and knocked you up? Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter, these few months having her inside my womb… they've been amazing. But my story still terrifies my soul in so many different ways I don't even know how I'm still alive. So, no. I'm not okay, but I have to be, because now it's not just me, _she _is here now too." Alice said, looking into Addison's eyes.

Addison nodded slightly, "Has anyone ever told you you're an old soul?"

Alicia snorted, "Doctor Shepherd, there's no need to tell me, I already know."

Somehow Addison makes it out of that room without shedding a tear, which is strange considering her hormones have been against her lately… and so has fate, because now, as she exits Alicia's room and goes to the nearest nurse station, nurse…

Olivia?

Amelia?

Right… Nurse Lucia.

Nurse Lucia tells her Derek just got out of surgery and he wants to speak with her, he'll be in his office.

How polite!

* * *

He is tired from his own time inside the OR, and he isn't exactly thrilled that his wife is in the hospital, not because he doesn't want her here, but because he's worried. And it's terrifying for him to be worried, it's almost eating him alive, it's overwhelming to think about her and his unborn child inside her. It is!

Derek sighs and runs a hand through his dark curls, he waits for her but nothing. It's been twenty minutes and he knows she's out of surgery, that one nurse he always forgets the name of said she had delivered the message to 'The Female Doctor Shepherd.'

So he calls her, but figures she will send him to voicemail… which does happen. So he decides to go find her, wherever she is, she's inside this hospital. He walks to the nearest elevator and goes to the NICU, where he does not find her, but maybe the attendings lounge will do it.

Just as he suspected it, she's inside the attendings lounge, changing from her scrubs to… a nightgown? Anyway, he doesn't care about the clothing, he cares about Addison. His mind wonders if she's alright, if coming back here somehow makes her anxious or depressed for making the mistake of resigning. Either way, when she turns her head around she doesn't seem too thrilled to see him.

"Hey." He says softly, approaching her.

She turns around and grabs her coat, not speaking to him.

"Addison." He says, feeling the tension already. Something is wrong. "Is everything alright?"

"I don't know, you tell me." She says, irritated. Her hands fight against her coat, trying to fit correctly inside it, but she's frustrated and she's trying to put it on quickly, which is not helping.

"Let me…" He says, his voice above a whisper, he tries to help her with her coat, but she takes a step back. "Addison…"

"You've heard me wine these past weeks because I miss my job. Because being a surgeon is my favorite thing besides being a wife and a mother," She says, her hands rounding her belly, "But hey, you would have told me if Richard wanted me back, right? You would have suggested to call him or something."

He opens his mouth but no words come out of it, he is indeed guilty.

Derek didn't tell Addison that Richard wanted her back to work because he had read that stress is no good for babies, and knowing how stubborn his wife is, he couldn't tell her this, because she would protest and go to work anyway. So when she came home that night and announced she had resigned, something deep down him felt like relief.

He wanted his wife and child to be alright. No stress. No anxiety. Only love and relaxation. But he had forgotten, he had not thought truly what it meant for surgeon to be inside the OR, he didn't notice that he was taking that away from her by not telling her. He didn't notice that he was blocking her from that amazing feeling a surgeon gets when they walk inside the OR and outside of it, how good it feels to see your patient smile and how devastating it is to tell a family that their loved one didn't make it, it was all part of their passion, and he was keeping her away from it.

"Why on earth didn't you tell me?" She asked angrily, crossing her arms over her chest, her eyes looked pained and angry at the same time. "Derek?!"

"I'm sorry, okay. I'm sorry!" He said, and he meant it, "I thought I was doing you a good."

"A good." She scoffed and rolled her eyes, "How is keeping me away from what I love a 'good'?!"

"I don't know Addison, I just thought maybe… maybe you'd be less stressed, maybe you wouldn't have to deal with stupid interns and stop feeling bad because of the stares the hospital staff has given you since you arrived, maybe you'd be well rested and calm, free of responsibilities… I was wrong, apparently. And I'm deeply sorry I didn't let you know."

"We could have discussed this, Derek." She said, sounding less angry, "I understand your concern, but you could have told me, you could have let me know how you felt. Jesus Derek, is there anything else you're hiding?!"

"Look who's speaking." He scoffed.

That was a cheap shot.

"You did not just say that."

"Maybe I did."

She put on the slippers she came in with and grabbed the car keys, "I'll be available for you when you stop this childish behavior." Addison warned, and left the attendings lounge, presumably going home for a hot bath tub and the rest of the coffee ice cream there was left on the freezer.

* * *

He was surprised when he came home and she was there, he had a feeling she might have went to spend the night at the Archfield, but she was there. Doc was lying on the carpet near the sofa and she was nowhere to be seen, but there was the sound of someone walking around and grabbing something.

"Addison?"

She walked inside the living room with a pillow on her left hand and a blanket on her right hand, "I just fed Doc, so you might want to go walk him and then you can come back to sleep…" She threw the pillow and the blanket to the couch, "...on the couch."

"You're kidding."

She raised her eyebrows at him, "I'm not. You know where the leash is, I'll go take a shower." She said, showing a tight smile at him, walking back inside their room.

Derek did as told and went out with Doc, not because his wife told him to, but because maybe he needed some time to organize his ideas for the perfect apology. If Addison was making him sleep on the couch that meant that she was pretty pissed.

During Derek's walk with Doc, Addison layed in bed after her shower, her phone on her lap, and her thoughts confused as to what to do next. She could call Savvy and talk to her after a ten minute lecture on 'Why Haven't You Called Me?!', but it would be worth it if afterwards they could have a civilized conversation on 'Let's All Be Against Derek' club. So she dialed her number and waited for it to ring.

"Hey Sav." She replied softly, her lips curling to a slight smile.

A scoff replied, "Why haven't you called me? I was worried about you."

"Motherhood is keeping me busy?" Addison jokes, expecting to light the mood, not only to Sav who seems pretty pissed, but also for herself.

"How's the Montgomery-Shepherd fella doing?" Savvy said, her tone softening.

"Me or the baby?" Addison teased, letting out a soft chuckle.

"Both."

Addison smiled, running a hand through her belly, "Baby is doing fine."

"Aw, I'm glad to hear that, what about you? Everything okay with _Addison-and-Derek_?"

Addison sighed, "Well, has your husband ever hid from you the fact that you're wanted back at a firm after you've resigned and you regret it?"

"You quit?!" Savvy exclaimed, surprised to hear this.

"I did. That's not the point," She continued, "...the point is that he knew how much I regretted it and still never told me Richard wanted me back. So now I sent him to walk the dog and I'm making him sleep on the couch."

"Did he tell you why?" She asked, a little worried about her best friend's relationship.

"He said it was something about 'doing me a good', less stress or something… But I love surgery, it was misery not holding a scalpel, you know?"

"Addie…" Savvy hesitated.

Addison scoffed and had to roll her eyes at this, she knew that tone, "You're on his side, Sav? Really?"

"I'm not on his side, I'm on _your _side, but I'm also an extra in this whole thing and let me tell you, he did that not to cause a damage, but to try to cause a 'good' as he told you. He was caring about you. It is okay for you to be upset with him, you just have to understand he tried to take care of you."

"He could have told me, at least a little alert."

"You know Derek, he's rather keep things like this than speaking them up."

"Yeah that's Derek." Addison giggled at the clear definition of her husband. "Was I being too rough?"

"Nah, you were having a normal reaction, you two will figure it out anyway, you always do."

"Yeah… How are you and Weiss?"

Savvy giggled and replied in that sweet voice that meant she was smiling, "We're doing good, pretty good. He likes the new girls, but not as much as the original ones." Savvy chuckles, "I miss you Ads."

"I miss you too." Addison said, biting her lower lip.

"There's something we have to discuss by the way, am I becoming a godmother?" Sav turned serious.

"I don't know yet," Addison laughed, "We haven't discussed that yet, we barely have potential baby names, Sav." Addison shrugged.

"Alright, but you must tell me if I have a baptism to plan or… those sorts of things."

Addison rolled her eyes dramatically and held back a chuckle, "Sav, you wouldn't have to worry about those things even if we choose you as godmother."

"Still, I'll help." And suddenly she gasped and talked quickly: "Ad, I'll have to call you back."

"Seductive Weiss?" Addison snorted, giggling.

"Yeah, yeah. Gotta go, bye." Savvy said, her voice acquiring a different tone.

"Bye." Addison said, the call ending afterwards.

* * *

He came home, a little late than he expected since he decided to go to the trailer and just take a while to think about the situation. He thought maybe the free time would help Addison calm down and help him as well. He cared too much that he made a stupid mistake and he was ready to beg for mercy. Derek was surprised to come back to their apartment and find the lights off, he lighted them on, and found what was supposed to be his sleeping spot with no blanket or pillow, but a little note that said, 'I'm sorry. I forgive you. - A'.

He smiled and took off Doc's leash, walking towards their room, he knocked softly twice and no response, so he just opened the door and walked in. She was there, on her light green fluffy robe, lying on bed, watching TV with a bowl filled of ice cream and what he thought were… pieces of french fries?

"Hi." She replied, her mouth full of that half creamy, half crunchy snack she had invented out of an impulsive craving.

"French fries and coffee ice cream?" He chuckled.

"Don't judge me, I'm fabricating a human being." She said, pointing at him with the spoon.

He held both his hands up, "Alright, alright. Am I allowed to sit next to you?"

"You are." She winked at him and watched him sit next to her.

Slowly and shyly, she moved closed towards him and rested her head on the nook of his neck and shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her torso and pulled her closer, kissing her temple, "Thank you for caring." She said above a whisper.

"I'm sorry I kept you out of the OR." He said, "And you don't have to thank me."

"I forgive you, and I love you for not getting upset that I spoiled your favorite ice cream with my french fries."

"Don't worry, it's decaf anyway."

"I love you." She looked up into his eyes, "i'm still a little mad but I love you."

"I love you too." He smiled softly at her.

"I spoke to Richard, starting monday I'm back at Seattle Grace."

"Really?" He asked, a little unsure this is a good idea at all, but managed to put on a slight smile when she looked up at him.

She managed to peck his lips and smile at him with those charming teeth showing, "Yeah!" She said, a little too excited, looking back at the TV screen, some bizarre TV show was on.

Derek's smile faded away but just held onto her and just concentrated on the present, them, together, the three of them… never mind, four of them if they count Doc.

* * *

_HIIIIIIIIIIIII - sorry for my long break. I missed writing and I'm truly sorry I was dead for so long lmao, but i'm sorta back i think. I'll try to write more one shots for 'Another Marriage Story', and I'll try to continue this story. I received a couple reviews about the baby's gender and AGREED! It's definitely going to be a boy, I just wanted to write that one chapter to surprise y'all, but well…. no surprise anymore :(_

_PLEASE REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK !_


	20. Chapter 20

_im backkkkk_

* * *

"It's length is about 8.8 centimeters, which is…"

"Great." Addison filled in.

Eric nodded at her and Derek, who had really big smiles on their faces, "and he waits 44 grams."

"Which is great as well." Addison said, looking at the monitor, that small human being already her favorite thing ever.

"A great kid already, huh?" Derek teased her, getting a blowing kiss from his wife.

Eric frowned a little but his face went straight to happy doctor again, "Something wrong?" Addison had to ask.

He shook his head no, "No, I just thought I saw something but… never mind."

"Eric, what did you see." Addison said firmly, not bothering to add a question mark.

Eric looked at Addison in the eye, "It was nothing, Addison. I'm wearing my old glasses today," He chuckled, "That's why I had to look twice. My kid, he's five and he took my glasses and gave them to the dog as a chewy toy."

"Oh." Addison chuckled, "I'm sorry, I just get worried."

"It's alright. Now… I have a few questions. Still having morning sickness?"

"Not anymore, I haven't had nausea or vomiting for about three days now…" She said, looking up to Derek to check if he agreed.

"Four actually." Derek giggled.

"Four? Really? I've improved that much?" Addison asked her husband.

"You have."

"Well that's good. How about your appetite?"

"As crazy as before." Derek said, replying for her.

She shrugged a little, "I really like ice cream."

"She does." Derek nodded.

"That's alright, but remember to eat healthy."

"I know…" Addison said.

"I want her eating proteins, vegetables, and less ice cream." Eric said, meeting Derek's eyes.

"Will do." Addison said.

"I'll force her." Derek winked down at her.

* * *

Monday started as she had expected, tiring. After her ultrasound, she and Derek went to work, arriving a little early and getting to know the new resident, that also happened to be a pain in the ass.

"How many weeks now?" The brown haired perky resident asked Addison, who was sitting on a nurse station, finishing filling a chart.

The excitement on the resident's voice was evident and Addison had to look up and meet this new face she remembers she saw at some point, but doesn't exactly know when, "Fourteen. Uh, Doctor Heron, Right?" Addison asked.

"Sydney. Sydney Heron. Resident." She said, smiling brightly at Addison and offering her a hand to shake.

As awkward as it was for her, she shook hands with this 'Sydney' person.

"Your name is Addison."

Addison looked up again, "Yeah, it is."

"I had a cousin named Addison."

"Well… um, what a coincidence." Addison nodded, offering a small smile.

Heron chuckled, "Your baby is surely going to be so gorgeous. Whether is a boy or girl. I mean, McDreamy and McBeauty having a McBaby!? Isn't that exciting?!" Sydney said, clapping her hands twice.

_McDreamy._

She hadn't missed that nickname.

As for …. _McBeauty_ …? She sorta liked that one.

"Yeah… we're really excited. Hey, Sydney. Would you be so kind to make me a favor?" Addison asked the resident, hoping to get her off of her for at least a minute.

Sydney nodded, clearly motivated, "Of course!"

"Nice. I sent O'Malley to look for some tests but he hasn't come back yet, would you mind checking what's going on down there?"

"Sure! I will. See you later, Doctor Shepherd." Sydney said, walking away….yes, she did walk in a perky and happy way. Almost like she was at some sort of 'unicorn land filled with magic and rainbows', instead of a hospital.

Addison sighed heavily and grabbed her chart and pencil, making her way to the elevator, deciding to finish inside the privacy of her office. It surely was calmer and quieter there, no 'Sydney's popping out of nowhere to ask questions or comment stuff.

* * *

"I have a headache." Addison said, sitting down on a chair. The cafeteria was loud and the interns today were more arrogant than ever, which gave a charm to her comeback to Seattle Grace, somehow. Still, her mood had been ruined even if she walked with the brightest smile when she came inside the hospital around six thirty am that morning.

"Your headache is called Sydney Heron." Derek said, pinching the bridge of his nose, bothered by the resident as well.

"Yeah, 90 percent of it, it is." The redhead sighed, massaging her neck with her own hand, glancing at Derek's trade that seemed to have disgusting things as her eyes turned into that look of disgust, "Are you gonna eat that?" She pointed at the boiled eggs sitting on his salad.

"No, do you want them?" He asked nicely, knowing her day wasn't going as she had expected for it to go.

"No, I want to get rid of them actually." She covered her mouth, feeling a wave of nausea building up.

"You've been four days without vomiting or feeling nauseated, and I ruined the streak, really?"

She nodded, "Really."

Derek grabbed his trade and threw away the rest of his salad, he wasn't going to eat it anyway. He came back to sit next to her wife and found her frowning at her blackberry, "Ha! I found Eric's LinkedIn." Addison announced beaming with excitement.

"You're investigating Eric? For real?" He asked her, drinking from his water bottle.

She nodded, she was determined to investigate their doctor, since the 'frowning' thing this morning had her a little worried, so she needed to make sure he wasn't lying about the whole 'My-five-year-old-son-gave-the-dog-my-glasses' thing, "I am. Wanna read about his life as a male obstetrician?"

"Alright bring it on." Derek said, convinced already. He pushed his chair closer to her so he could real as well.

"Did both med school and fellowships at Harvard, impressive. First of his class." Addison said, raising her eyebrows.

"Skip that, check the personal stuff." Derek said.

She covered her mouth with her free hand, "He's gay?!" She said, amused by the discovery, not recalling any pictures of him and said husband, or anything at all.

"No way." Derek whispered.

"Look. His husband is called Marcus, he has a pomeranian dog called Winnie and his five year old son, Allan, is adopted." Addison commented.

"I thought he was straight."

Addison nodded, "He does look straight."

"Wait… Is that a picture of… they're celebrating the dog's second birthday?!" Derek chuckled.

"Aw, poor Doc. We don't even know his birthday, do we?" Addison asked, looking into her husband's eyes.

"No, we don't." Derek shrugged.

"What a pity. Maybe Winnie will share her cake with him." Addison said and watched as his husband snorted and let out a laugh, "What's so funny?"

"It's just...That sounded so dirty." Derek said, letting out another laugh and earning a playful hit on the arm from his wife.

And then her phone buzzed, a little reminder notification showing on her screen. Addison groaned, "I have a consult in ten minutes and all I want to do is sleep." She sighed.

"Maybe you should get the afternoon off." Derek said, moving his chair to its original spot and taking another long sip of his water bottle.

She looked up at him with an annoyed look on his eyes, "It's my first day back, I can't get the afternoon off. Although I would love to keep Sydney Heron away from me. I think I'm the only attending left who hasn't sent her to someone else."

Derek ignored her glance for a couple seconds and she knew.

"Oh my God. You haven't rejected her yet!" Addison exclaimed surprised.

"What? No, no. I did reject her." He shrugged, obviously lying.

She shook her head no and looked at him with a cocky grin, crossing her arms over her chest,"You didn't, Derek Christopher Shepherd! And you have surgery in an hour. Which means I can get Richard to let Sydney in so you can babysit her!"

"I don't want to babysit her. Please don't do that." He begged.

"Honey, I'm sorry but you're not only triggering me, you're also triggering our little 8.8 centimeters and 44 grams." She said, using the puppy eyes on him, touching her midsection to add an effect to the emotional blackmail.

"Not fair." He tilted his head to the side.

"Even Mark doesn't want to sleep with her, Derek. You're next." She said, winking at him. "And if you do it, I'll go with you to the land on sunday and we'll fish. I'll even let you teach me a little."

"Really?" He asked, this caught his attention for sure. His eyes widened a bit.

She nodded, "Yes, pinky promise." Addison said, offering her pinky for his pinky to tangle with.

And he did pinky promise it.

* * *

"I'm thrilled to be here, Doctor Shepherd." Sydney said , scrubbing out of the OR with Derek.

Somehow Derek had made through those last four hours, wondering how the hell he hasn't kicked her out of his sight yet. It's funny, his patience has been challenged for the last couple of months by a hormonal beast that had taken over his wife, and now somehow he was even a little more calmed down. But he couldn't deny, she was a damn pain in the ass.

"I'm glad to hear that Doctor Heron." Derek said, offering a forced smile at the resident.

"Today I talked to your wife, she seemed so content about your baby. Do you guys know if you're having a boy or a girl?"

"Not yet."

"Either way I'm sure it's going to be a beautiful baby." Sydney said, cheerful, of course.

"Yeah, definitely." Derek chuckled.

He didn't like the over-happiness around the resident, but her actually saying nice things like that and reminding him that he was the luckiest man alive for having an amazing wife and a wonderful child on the way. He liked that. He liked that he was reminded of this. It sort of made it difficult to hate her.

Sydney giggled, "You know, I've never been the greatest Neuro fan, but after tonight, I might change my mind about that. It's not about… um, the McDreamy thing, but brains are actually fun!"

And then…

...he was ready to hate her again.

_McDreamy._

Oh, how hard he tried not to roll his eyes in front of her.

Somehow one way or another he made it for the rest of the day with Sydney following him everywhere trying to make small chat, which annoyed him, but challenged his patience, which was a good thing, since Addison has always said _he _is the impatient one (_she _was, though.)

* * *

"Maddy, your sister will be just fine. The surgery went well, your nephew is doing great…"

"Nephew?!"

"Oh yeah, he's a boy."

"Thank you so much Doctor Shepherd."

"You don't have to thank me, Ruth. Have a good night." Addison smiled friendly at her patient's sister and walked away, bumping into Mark.

"Hello wonder woman. Saved another babe?" Mark teased her, following her as she walked down the corridor, still wearing her navy scrubs. She does miss the salmon scrubs though, but wearing them just reminds her of all the times she wore salmon scrubs back in New York, and she'd rather forget she once dressed in those because his husband thought he looked cute in those and maybe he was going to notice her more.

"What are you doing here? Oh, wait. Don't answer that… knocked up somebody?" Addison raised an eyebrow at him, feeling powerful as she did that rude comment.

He rolled his eyes and smirked, "Funny. Really funny."

"What do you want, Mark." No question mark, at all.

He shrugged, "Wanna grab some coffee?"

"Mark…" She took a step closer to him, "Just because I told you the truth doesn't mean we're friends again. I do care about you, you were practically Derek's brother, but I love my husband and I made a big mistake by sleeping with you more than once. I know you're sorry, I am too, but right now, we can't be friends." She said, a hint of sadness registered in her voice. She offered a small smile at him and walked away.

It was hard to treat him like that when they had been family for years, but it was for… a 'good', as Derek would say.

* * *

_Hi! I'm going to try to make the chapters a little shorter and post more… what do you think? Anyway, about the gender thing, y'all! It was going to be a boy since I started writing this story because I already wrote an addek story in which they had a girl (it is my crappiest story and i even might rewrite it some day), anyway, i appreciate all the reviews and i'm so happy there's people who ACTUALLY read this. Anyway, see ya soon :)_


	21. Chapter 21

"Aw, you look cute wearing that." Derek smiled at her as he kept driving.

He had made her put on his fishing bucket hat and she looked incredibly irritated and annoying because he had actually remembered the 'fishing promise', as Derek liked to call it. So they drove to the land, Doc on the back of the jeep, barking joyfully as they made their way into the woods.

"Don't you dare mentioning it." Addison sighed, rubbing her swollen abdomen, "You have great memory for some things but not so great for things like picking up the laundry, walking Doc when it's your turn, go grocery shopping, remember to call that tech guy to fix the oven…"

"Okay, we get it." Derek interrupted her before she could keep talking, and Doc barked, agreeing.

"Seriously?" Addison directed her words at the canine.

Derek chuckled, "Relax, you'll have fun. Trust me. You love silent places, and you can just sit and watch the water… maybe throw a stick at Doc." He said, posing a hand on her knee, patting it twice.

"There's not even signal, Derek. I was supposed to reply my emails today."

"Emails can survive without being opened, Addison. You can check them when we go back home."

"No, because I want to take a warm bubbly bath, which includes relaxing, and answering emails is not relaxing."

He groaned, "Addison."

"Okay, fine. I'll shut up." She said crossing her arms over her chest.

They arrived, Addison stayed inside the jeep and waited for Derek while he took the fishing rods out of the trailer. Doc was following him around, barking and running, having fun. And Addison? Addison just sat there and looked around. It's not that she didn't like the nature. She did, but fishing wasn't her thing. Plus her mood swings were not only tiring Derek, they were also tiring her.

Finally, she decided to get out of the jeep.

She was wearing boots, ready for the mud, or anything disgusting she would probably step on.

Addison walked towards where her husband was and followed him towards the lake, they were both quiet, listening to the wind, the birds, the cracking of branches far away, and also Doc's sniffing, because Dear Lord he loved to sniff things.

Addison chuckled because of the sniffing and Derek smiled sweetly at her, "See? Not so bad."

They sat on a big rock together and Derek prepared the bait, after that he threw the rod and handed it to Addison. She was a little clumsy, not knowing if she was holding it properly, "Derek if something wrong happens to this rod, it's all your fault for thinking I would be able to fish."

"Come on, you sailed when you were a kid, right?"

"Yeah… but sailing didn't involve trout. Or fishing. Or acting like we're fishing, because I'm just holding a long stick." She said rolling her eyes, but holding tightly on it, a little scared of a fish surprising her anytime now.

He patted her back, "If the trout tries to attack you, Doc and I will defend you."

"Oh that makes me feel way more safer, thank you." She said sarcastically.

"Okay, enough pessimism, now, shut up and hold it a bit higher, so I can talk to the little hobbit."

She couldn't hide the smile and just held it higher, allowing him to touch her stomach and whisper to their unborn child, "Hello little intruder!" He said in that baby talk tone she loved so much, "Your mom…"

"Derek…" She interrupted annoyed already, knowing he was going to say something stupid.

"Hey, I'm talking to _it_ right now." He said, "Anyway, so… where was I? Oh, yeah. Well, your mom is now fishing, which is something you might not see with your own eyes ever again, but at least you're present for this historical journey."

Addison's cheeks flushed and she giggled, not being able to contain it.

"I really wanna meet you, and congratulations on being the ideal size and weight. Your mom was a little worried about that, but we investigated your doctor, so it's all fine now."

Addison laughed, "Don't tell our intruder that, it's gonna think we're crazy."

Derek sat straight again, apparently ending his chat with their baby, "Why do we keep calling it _it_, I thought we had decided…"

"We can't decide it, Derek." Addison said, looking at the lake, the water moving slowly and calmly. It was soothing.

Derek groaned and scratched Doc's head, since he was sitting next to him, "Fine. But I don't like calling _it_ that way, and intruder just seems too rude. Hobbit is cute, but… I feel like giving it a name."

"Apple."

"Apple?" Derek chuckled.

She nodded, "Yeah, it's a cute nickname until we know if it's a _he _or _she_."

"It was also your midnight craving last night." He teased her.

She rolled her eyes, "We could call it _apple_, it's not a she or he, it's just an apple. A fruit." She said, "Besides, it's your favorite fruit." Addison winked an eye at him and leaned in for him to kiss her cheek, which he didn't do, because instead she took her by the chin and kissed her lips, "Hey! You stole a kiss from me!"

"And it's not the last I will steal." He said, tucking a strand of her red hair behind her ear, "Fishing isn't so bad, huh?"

"Don't push it." She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder, "I like this land…"

"I'm glad you do."

"When are you going to start building the house though."

"I don't really know." He sighed, that thought had gone out of his mind for a while.

She nodded slightly, "I told Mark." Addison let out and closed her eyes shut, knowing it was stupid to drop a bomb like that just when they were in such a good place.

"What?" He asked.

She sighed and removed her head from his shoulder, "Before you came back after Vivian… I told him about the miscarriage." It burns her throat to pronounce that word when it's such a common one when it comes to her profession, but it still hurts, "He… he was worried. He was supporting and understandable. I felt sorry for telling him and not telling you afterwards, I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey… It's fine. The… It… It was your business, not mine. It was his child, not mine." He said, surprisingly relaxed, which sort of scared Addison and made her feel confused.

She frowned at him and saw his eyes glimpse with something that she'd like to acknowledge like sympathy, even empathy, "Are you sure you don't want to yell? You're not mad?"

"I just wish you had told me earlier. We had agreed to improve communicating."

"I know. I should have told you when you had came back." She said, rubbing Vivian's bracelet on her wrist.

"He tried to talk to me yesterday, but he went away when Sydney Heron came back to my side after finishing my post-ops." Derek said.

She gasped, "You sent her to do your post-ops?!"

"Yeah, and she was really helpful. She's not as horrible as you all describe her." Derek said, his tone a little defensive.

"That's because you're Derek Shepherd, the _dreamy _neurosurgeon." She said, giggling at his annoyed expression.

He rolled his eyes, "For real, she's nice."

"She _is_ nice. _Too_ nice. _Sickening _nice."

"You're mean." He pointed out.

She scoffed, "You are the mean one, you sent her to do your post-ops!"

He shrugged, "She's energetic, she speaks too much… I just wanted some time alone, besides, she _even_ offered."

"Alright, I'm going to believe you this time." She chuckled. Her husband didn't like teaching, taking pauses every five seconds to explain something basic to interns and residents: wasn't exactly his favorite thing.

After a while she started to get frustrated, "Why doesn't any fish want to be fished?!" Addison said, still with the fishing rod between both her hands.

He laughed, "Because you won't shut up."

"Me? What about Doc? He's been barking at those ducks." Addison said, pointing at the birds that were now way far away as they were a couple minutes ago. "Oh my god. We're scientist and we didn't realize- There's ducks Derek! _There are ducks_." Addison said, handing him the fishing rope.

"What about the ducks?!" He sighed, his wife was starting to sound delusional, he might even advice her to get an MRI.

"Ducks eat fish, Derek! That's why we haven't caught a thing! _It's duck season_!" She points her index finger at him, like she's accusing him of some sort of felony.

"Do you even know what that is?" He asked, not being able to contain the laughter, remembering that one patient he had that wouldn't stop playing that video game.

"Um, yeah! It's the season of the ducks. The season when the ducks fly here and they…"

"Migrate?" He snorted.

She snaps a finger, "Exactly! And eat the trout. Now we can go home and take a shower, because I smell like bait!" She said, smiling widely, kissing his cheek.

"Uh-Uh." He stopped her, tracing the line of her jaw with his hand.

She frowned, "Uh-Uh?"

"We brought food, we can still do the picnic. You were excited about the strawberries." He pointed out, watching her face grow annoyed.

Addison pursed her lips, "I was. But those strawberries could go back home with us and be used for a better activity that wandering around the forest." She said, a mischievous smile appearing on her features, her eyebrows raised.

He stood up from the big rock they had been sitting at and shook his head no with a gentle smile on his face.

"Derek…" She said, knowing he wasn't going to surrender, but trying was worth it.

He chuckled, "Addie, you promised. I did my part of the deal."

"I said fishing! And there's no fishing because of the ducks."

He shook his head no, "You said you'd come _to the land_, and after that added the fishing part."

"You're using my own words against me? Really?" She raised an eyebrow, impressed.

"Weiss taught me that."

"Good, I'm having a chat with him when we have decent signal." She said, patting his shoulder twice.

"Come on, it'll be fun. Look at Doc, he's enjoying this."

"He's a dog, Derek. Of course he's entertained." Addison said, rolling her eyes, feeling like she was in some sort of survival reality show, what's next? Having to kill a deer to use its skin as clothing?

...She's eating and he is eating. And Doc? Doc is trying to eat a rock… which could also be classified as eating. They're both sitting on a picnic tablecloth they had purchased that same morning at walmart, and they're eating the fresh strawberries that were also purchased that same morning. He agreed to let her eat more than him and have a bigger half of the oatmeal and carrot muffin. But suddenly there's no more food and nothing else but each other to keep their hands busy, so she looks up to the clouds, her head resting on his shoulder and his hand caressing her hair. "Addison." He said softly.

She looked up a bit and locked eyes with him.

"I was thinking maybe we should start telling people." Derek commented.

She bit her lower lip and looked away, "Are you sure?"

"Only if you want. I mean they're going to know anyway. The whole hospital knows already."

She sighs because she knows how the hospital found out, because of her damn own fault. Anyway, she winces and faces him again, "I wish we could keep this a secret, you know? I mean don't get me wrong, but I would love to never ever even have the possibility for Bizzy to find out."

"It's not like she has ever cared before."

Her eyebrows raised, and felt a little irritated by him, but decided to blow it away, "Yeah, but then Susan is going to send a postcard or an email saying congratulations on my mother's behalf and I'd have to overthink my childhood traumas as I often do when that happens. I really want to go around and just shove it at everyone's faces and smile."

"Addie…"

"Just a couple more weeks and we'll call Mom. I just need a couple of weeks." She assured him with such a kind and gentle tone it hurt his soul.

He nodded slightly, "Fine." Derek said, agreeing. He knew it was hard for her and he was happy she was telling him how she felt instead of hiding her feeling as she was taught to since a very young age… he'd like to say even before birth.

Addison sighed, "Don't be mad. I'm just not ready yet. But I will be."

"I love you Addie and I understand." He said assuring her, kissing her temple and caressing her hair again.

Addison snuggled even closer to him and closed her eyes, inhaling his scent and feeling how soothing his hand caressing the back of her head felt like. This made her like the woods. Even get to _love_ the woods.

* * *

_the reviews last chapter made me so damn happy i might even cryyyy!_

_i'm so happy there's people who actually enjoy my fics and i'm completely filled of confidence now. I even felt inspired to write this faster than I thought._

_If you have any suggestions let me know._

_See ya soon! and if you feel like reviewing… you're absolutely welcome._


	22. Chapter 22

_ok so I'm 15 years old and i write fanfiction for fun. I'm not from America so i do not know some things and i'd really appreciate if you would not judge me because of that. I try to do some research when it comes to medical stuff and I knew I should have used the other measurements, but yolo… i'm not a perfect writer, i've realized the horrible typos on my fics, i use different things as americans would and i'm certainly not the best at speaking the language. anyway, hopefully you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it._

* * *

She kissed him so passionately he thought he'd faint because of the loss of air, her hands on his black curls, drawing him even closer if he wasn't close enough already. He tried to speak, but she was surprisingly faster and used her tongue to keep him mute.

But he won eventually.

When she started to try to be on top of him, he found the moment that lasted less than a second and pushed her a little away by the shoulders, "Addison…" He finally breathed.

Addison chuckled, trying to catch her breath as well, "Sorry… just… second trimester things." Addison said, pecking his lips and playing with the waist of his shirt, trying to get it off of him.

"Would you slow down?" He demanded, grabbing her wrists gently away from him, he tried to sit up but they both banged their heads against the ceiling of the car. Sex in the backseat had not been a current place for them, and sadly they weren't as young as when they started dating in med school.

Addison muttered an _ow_ under her breath, "Are you okay?" Derek asked her, caressing the top of her head, where she had hit her delicate flesh.

"Yeah, I'm alright." She nodded slightly and kissed his lips softly, trying not to go too fast, realizing she had barely savored the moment.

But then the knocking on the window distracted them both. They looked up to the image of Mark Sloan smirking, thumbs up. He raised his eyebrows and then left.

Addison sighed and tried to catch her breath.

"I told you having sex in the parking lot wasn't a good idea." Derek said.

Addison rolled her eyes, "Oh shut up. You were loving it."

"That doesn't mean it was a good idea."

* * *

"Feelin' fresh, Montgomery?" Mark said, smirking as he always did and offered her a cup of coffee.

She raised an eyebrow at him, "_Shepherd._" Addison said, raising her left hand to show him her rings, "And I will assume that is not decaf, so, no thanks." Addison said, improvising a small lip closed smile at him, maybe just to seem nice, maybe not to be an enormous jerk.

"Addison…"

She just wanted to start her day, it was already depressing for her that he had interrupted sex for her this morning, and now he was on her way, when all she wanted was to do rounds, "Mark, I already made it pretty clear."

"I know you did. I just want to try." He insisted.

She sighed, "Please don't do this. We're happy, Derek and I. I get it, what happened in New York might have touched some human part inside your heart and you liked that, but it's all over."

"You talk like I'm a monster."

"Well, you are being a monster right now by not allowing me to do my rounds in peace so I can start my day." She said with that half joking, half not joking voice, and walked past him.

But his voice stopped her, because he raised his voice and asked out loud for everyone who was walking by: "Did you ever love me?"

She turned around, her face a little deformed because of the kind of question and the fact that they were in public, Addison took a couple steps forward, "It's not the time to have this conversation."

"Did you, Addison?" Mark insisted, looking into her pale blue greenish eyes, his eyes showing something almost like… pain_?_

Addison tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and whispered, "I did love you, I do. But not as you want me to love you," She said softly and walked away, the fastest she could, even if her feet were killing her.

And when he less expected it, he heard a familiar voice yelling, "What the hell was that?!" Derek exclaimed, approaching Mark furiously. He had heard everything, he was a few feet away but waited until Addison was gone to talk to his former best friend.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? She was clearly upset. How would that be _nothing_?" Derek challenged, furiously.

"I don't know, why don't you ask your wife then? I thought you were doing fine now that you've finally come back to the 'horny dating phase'," Mark crossed his arms over his chest.

Derek scoffed, "That smirk of yours looked better when the black eye and bleeding lip gave it a gangster touch," He said, referring to their fighting a while ago.

"Nah, black eyes look better on you." Mark said, tilting his head to the side just a little.

* * *

_three years ago…_

"Happy birthday!" Mark exclaimed, surprising the redhead.

She had been waiting for Derek for the past fifteen minutes, she called twice, but there was no response.

"Mark!" She looked up from her martini and her lips curled up into a smile, she stood up and hugged him tightly, "Thank you."

"Here, this is for you." Mark said, giving Addison a red rose, "I know it's kind of a boring gift, it will die eventually and it's only one rose…"

"It's perfect." Addison interrupted him and grabbed the flower from his hands, smelling its scent, "Do you happen to know where's Derek?"

"I thought he called you. Um, there was a complication with Miss Vargas, so he had to stay and fix whatever was wrong." Mark shrugged, "I'm sorry he missed this."

"It's alright. At least I have _you_ here for drinks and chat." Addison chuckled, "Savvy and Weiss are on their way and Archer will try to make an appearance."

"Does he know Savvy is coming? Cause if he knows, he's totally coming." Mark laughed.

Addison laughed along, "Yeah, I guess you're right." She said, sitting back on her seat at the bar. She was wearing a beautiful strapless red gown, because she knew how much her husband loved when she wore red, her hair was up into a classy bun. Her eyes sparkled with hope for her husband to show up, since he hadn't showed up as much as he used to for the last couple of months.

Mark took a seat next her and ordered himself a drink, they chatted and it felt good to have each other there.

"He'll come." Mark assured her after a long uncomfortable silence.

He didn't show up, but still, saying it made her feel better somehow.

She scoffed, "You think?"

"I do." Mark said, kissing her cheek and squeezing her nude shoulder comfortingly.

* * *

"You're such a jerk." Derek said, trying his best not to roll his eyes.

Mark looked at him and scoffed, "Me? I was there for her when you were _busy_ being a workaholic that wouldn't even take a second to look at his wife or even remember a special date because you were _busy_. _I _was there. _You _weren't." Mark said, pointing his index finger at his former best friend.

Mark turned around and left, leaving Derek alone in that hallway.

Derek released a breath he didn't know he was holding and walked to the direction his wife had walked to a few minutes ago.

For his surprise, she was there. Resting her back against the wall, her eyes faintly closed.

"Addie?"

She opened her eyes and looked at him, her sad eyes told him everything, "He wasn't lying. And I really wish he was." Addison said softly and walked away.

Lately everyone was walking away from him. Even Meredith Grey, whom used to have a thing for him. Even his wife, whom he was in love with and couldn't stop thinking about.

But it's hard to just forget the mistakes. It always is. And it hurts not only him, but everyone who surrounds him.

Is he being a hypocrite?

* * *

He knocked again, and again, and _again_.

"Addison, I know you're in there." Derek said, getting impatient.

She opened the door of her office, "I just want to be alone."

"Are you… I mean, are we okay?" Derek asked, running a hand through his hair.

Addison hadn't seen him this… _insecure _in so long.

"Yeah, I just wanted to think." She said, tucking a strand of her red hair behind her ear.

"Can I think with you?" He said, his lips twisting to a half smile she appreciated more than he knew.

She shook her head no, "I rather _think _at home." Addison said sweetly, she took a step forward and pecked his lips, "You have surgery in thirty minutes, go."

He did go, but he regretted going.

Inside the OR all he wanted was to talk to Addison. They had been over the whole Mark situation a hundred times, but this time was different. This time it somehow hurt them all. The three of them. It was eating them all alive.

Mark was being rejected by the only people he had ever loved.

Addison was feeling guilty because Mark was there for her when Derek wasn't.

Derek was feeling like a jackass for not being there and having to have his best friend and wife support each other because he couldn't stay out of the OR for more than five hours.

They all had shit inside their hearts and it was complicated to fix it.

There was a chance it was going to be permanent damage.

There always is.

* * *

_short chapter! I'm currently having a week off from school and I'm going to try to keep writing, but I might get a little inactive. :)_

_please review and let me know what you think!_


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